European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - October 30, 1994, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Miss manners Judith Martin dear miss manners is there a polite Way to ask someone to please Stop popping their gum gentle Reader wha zat this is the colloquial version. Miss manners would execute a Ladylike jump and turn in alarm to the of fender asking Why what on Earth was that dear miss manners what is the proper Way to address the wife of one s former stalker an elderly Man in my neighbourhood used to spend hours standing at the Borders of my property watching me do Yard work or when i was inside watching me through the windows until i noticed him and Low ered the blinds. I believe he was also responsible for a series of silent but harassing phone Calls that went on for several months last year. We had met walking our dogs and had the Brief sort of conversation i la have with any neighbor. Afterwards he called twice to invite me to dinner announcing that his wife was out of town. I firmly declined both times that s when his intrusive behaviour began. It has since stopped but although i vary the limes i walk my dog so does he so i run into him sometimes. Needless to say i am no longer Friendly i ignore him though he clearly wants to talk. Out of the Blue his wife with whom i also once chatted complained about How her husband is trying to sabotage her career and bragged about her own retaliation against her son in Law for some offence. I hesitate to be rude to a strange angry old woman yet i Don t want to Chat nor to explain her husband s behaviour which would Only further involve me in their lives. Gentle Reader much As she favors nigh Borlis Ness miss manners sees your Point. You should stay As far away from these people As geography permits. She also appreciates the fact that you do not wish to abandon manners even toward  whose behaviour is offensive As Many would advise you to do. You need to protect yourself while remembering that the wife s behaviour while unpleasant docs not Border on the criminal. And if the husband s should do so this should be handled by Law not manners while the opposite of manners is rudeness the opposite of Neighb oiliness is maintaining distance. Politely done this involves acknowledging a smile with Only a nod altering your path to avoid approaches and responding to attempts to open con Carluch Havana Cuba versa Ion with i m afraid you la have to excuse me 1 can t Stop to talk the reputation you want to. Acquire is that of being unapproachable. The interpretations that  put on such a reputation Range from the kindly thought that the person is Sim ply not a chatty Type or is unusually preoccupied to the less kindly one that the person is rather stuck up. Never mind. You will have maintained distance and know that you have not done it by lowering your own behaviour to rudeness. Dear miss manners my daughter s ninth birthday is coming up and she does not want to open her gifts in front of the other children. My husband and i think this is rude. My husband won t accept anything but opening the gifts at the party. The Only Way i can accept it is if she writes thank you notes to each girl after she opens the gifts alone. She just wants to thank them orally. Gentle Reader you Are right but you Don t know How tempted miss manner is to betray you just to avoid worse etiquette problems when your daughter gets older. A Young lady who instinctively dislikes making a show of parading her presents in front of others is a treasure. We won t have to worry about her plotting to extract More and bigger presents from her wed Ding guests or giving herself 35th and 36th, 37th, 38th birthday parties at which she demands to be the Center of attention nevertheless opening presents in front of the assembled guests is a part of children s birthday party tradition and of Shower Sand is thus not Only acceptable but expected. Miss mariners agrees with your husband that she ought to do it. Your Compromise would leave the guests thinking there was something Odd about the party and that their presents were shunted aside. And it would leave you with the Burden of nagging your daughter to write letters. For As much As miss manners likes your daughter she hardly trusts any one to get but prompt than Ryou letters anymore. Dear miss manners i enjoy wearing dress hats but do not know if it is proper when i play the Organ which is in front where everyone can see me at our Church for services. Gentle Reader Church is exactly the place to exhibit the symbolic respect a lady but not a gentleman conveys by wearing a hat. And a great treat it will be too. Miss manners can just picture you sitting up there with All those Lovely of lovers and ribbons showing. She just Hopes that other ladies in the congregation Are not distracted from spiritual matters by thinking Why i have that perfectly Lovely hat that i be never had the nerve to Wear. I really must get it out for next  -. United feature Syndicate feeling incorrect address your etiquette questions in Black or Blue Black Ink on White writing paper to miss manners . Box 91428, Cleveland Ohio 44101-3428. The Quill shortage prevents miss Man ners from answering questions except through this column. Curtis Enfield England leg of spider ear of Toad Wing of Bat artificial Flavouring. The sour Side of halloween costumes Erma Bumbeck everyone knows the history of  group of dentists got together wit Martha Stewart and created a cavity de signer costume festival where children dress up Knock on doors and end up with enough sweets to last them through Spring. Early halloween ers would put a Little charcoal on their faces red kerchiefs around their necks and go out As bums. Some would Black out a few Teeth put on a pointed hat straddle a Broom and go As a Witch. The Only big question was can you see through the mask now the big question is is your cos. Tume politically corrects. Hobos make fun of the poor Pocahontas is unacceptable to american indians witches have their own Union and dressing As gypsies takes a swat at cultural differences. My son has gone to parties As Gandhi for four years now. He has the White Sheet the sandals the wire glasses the makeup and a rubber Cap covering his hair.  can t go As Gandhi this year i said. " Why not a -.  Bald people won t like  you re joking being politically Correct is no  he thought awhile. Ill go As  you la be making fun of people who Are Over weight. What about Howard Stern you can t make Light of the mentally Chal lenged.". " " Igot it Saddam Hussein he said. He s too politically sensitive. Environmentally you can t even put a paper bag Over your head and go As a loser whose Mother has no imagination. We re talking destroying the forests  it s a lot of restrictions for a Little Candy he lamented. Actually it s politically incorrect to give Candy. People Are advised to give sugarless gum fruit that can be a Rayed and bags of  Universal press Syndicate no kidding they had to come from somewhere 1 Fig newtons from Newton mass. 2. Budweiser Beer from Budweis. Czechoslovakia .3. Paisley designs from Paisley Scotland 4. Cheddar cheese from Cheddar England 5. Thousand Island dressing from thousand islands below Lake Ontario 5 animals at birth 1. Panda smaller than a mouse 2. Kangaroo can sit on human Finger 3. Polar Bear size of rat 4. Alaskan Brown Bear weighs less than a boxing Glove 5. Black Bear weighs less than Box of chocolates world features Syndicate. Page 8 sunday october 30, 1994