European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - September 10, 1995, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Miss manners Judith Martin dear miss manners i would like to know where you stand on feminist issues. Is calling oneself is. Improper is not shaving legs and underarms and not wearing make up or a Bra improper also please Tell me if women Are to keep their legs crossed or Knees together while sitting. Gentle Reader feminist issues shaving make up underwear using a sensible and Standard honorific that one happens to prefer for oneself Why is it that if gentlemen Start wearing earrings it becomes merely a fashion while ladies grooming and underwear Are considered open for political interpretation and criticism your examples strike miss manners As being mind your own business issues. As a feminist she believes ladies opinions Are Learned from listening to what they say rather than snooping into their cloth ing. Perhaps this is Why it is proper for them to Cross their Ankles rather than their Knees. Dear miss manners As a pc school teacher i am concerned about How adults Correct and or re mind children in front of other people to say or do what is Correct. For a shy and sensitive child such correction could have a negative Impact on self esteem. They May be too upset to speak at All. Or they May associate their discomfort with All social encounters and avoid these in the future. Some children seek re Van go by refusing to speak or making an improper reply to Embarrass the adult. To delay correction May Lessen the effectiveness of the Effort. To withdraw with the child for a prompt private conversation May be awkward or not Possi ble. To whisper to the child May seem rude. What would you suggest gentle Reader you almost had miss manners there when you talked about negative Impact on self esteem a phrase that usually has a highly negative Impact on her. Used As an excuse for not civilizing children it encourages them to feel great about behaving badly. But you weren t actually tearing off in that unfortunate direction and miss manners apologizes. She re ally docs thoroughly agree with you that the rude Ness of embarrassing a child in Public is a poor Al though in extreme cases necessary method of Levinus everything that was in that filing Cabinet is now on  disk. Except of course or try Bou o of scotch.". Teaching manners being itself a demonstration of bad manners. For this reason she has always advocated the look. This is a Way of looking at the child that passes unnoticed by the uninitiated but that the child has been taught to interpret correctly As boy arc you getting yourself into serious  dear miss manners trying to keep the conversation going at a family dinner i decided to look at people s hands. I remarked that one grandson and also his wife had Beautiful hands however when i came to my other grandson s hands Well they were huge and i did t really have much time to think so i said your hands would be Slimmer if they weren t so  Well that obviously was the wrong thing to say As he is overweight although truthfully i was t think ing of that. He was furious my daughter in Law said that s your grandmother for you and he said we Don t have to take that so everyone looked at me and i Felt like crawling under the table. Is it Normal for anyone to be that sensitive i really did t intend to Hurt his feelings but i do feel that most people would have just flubbed it off and said thanks a lot or something. I am 80 years old and i just feel that he was not respectful. Or am i wrong in t there such a thing As being Overly sensitive gentle Reader you know who is beginning to get oversensitive about such claims your very own miss manners. She is far too polite to exhibit fury but she is really exasperated with the common Dou ble whammy you describe first you deliver an obvious Standard insult to an unsuspecting person and then when he is insulted by it you hit him again with the Coy insult of being Over sensitive it is not that miss manners fails to realize that people can say perfectly stupid things they Don t. Mean. That is Why we have the Fine old institution of the apology. As you immediately realized your error you should have started groveling i can t believe i said tha that s not what i meant at All you have Beautiful hands i be always thought so. Whatever idiotic joke i thought i was attempting it came out All wrong twill you Ever forgive me i hate myself for being such a fool " had you done this and your Nephew not finally interrupted you by muttering of that s All right for get it. I know you did t mean it miss manners would now be on your Side. But you allowed the insult to stand thus allowing him to believe that you did mean to insult him. And nov you want to act insulted at him because he was insulted that you insulted him. That strikes miss manners As . United feature Syndicate feeling incorrect address your etiquette questions in Black or Blue Black Ink on White writing paper to miss manners  Box 91428, Cleveland Ohio 44101-3428. The Quill shortage prevents miss Man ners from answering questions except through this column. Cash or credit Erma Bombeck docs anyone remember the old sign Over every Cash Register in the country ingot we Trust All other must pay Cash that is about to change if retail furniture stores in Maryland and Virginia have anything to say about it. Because of employer Security no longer will Cash be accepted. It gives new meaning to paper or plastic slowly but steadily credit cards have replaced the need for Money. Last year in this country purchases by plastic exceeded $427 billion. I want to protest that this is wrong. We need Money. Yet i checked my Billfold it contains 13 quarters five dimes four Nickels and 12 pennies. I have been carrying them around for three years. No one wants them. I have a stack of credit cards larger than a pinochle deck. If this trend takes hold there is going to be some weird adjusting for people. Take a Bank robber. He goes into a Bank and de mands Cash. We Don t have any chirps the Teller but i can give you Blank checks with the grand Canyon in three colors a rain Bonnet and a Fountain pen for applying for a loan or having something no  Bummer. And what about the tooth fairy mom and dad slip into their child s bedroom with their credit card machine to pay for a tooth. They zip zip a charge for three Bucks. Their kid wakes up and says Don t move. I la Call it  what s to become of allowances do we get our kids a Junior credit card offhand i can t imagine How Well pay cabbies toll Bridges vending machines and people who suds our windshields at traffic lights when we Don t want them sussed. Maybe we re talking mini cards that take care of the Small charges say under $2, All of this sounds ridiculous but then did you Ever think there would be a Day when you could make a phone Call with plastic or Gamble with plastic at vegas "  xxx " "  maybe not this year or the next five or 10 years but there will be a time when we say goodbye to cur Rency. After All it  Long time since i be seen a child stoop to pick up a Penny off the Street but the thing that bothers me about this Story is Why would a furniture store be the first to ban Cash How Many people do you know walking around with the Price of a sofa in their  Universal press Syndicate no kidding Abbott Usa j top-10 to shows cancelled after one season Angie ranked no 5 in 1978-79 the ropers no. 8 in 1978-79 Bridget loves Bernie no. 5 in 1972-73 funny face no. 8 in 1971-72 the Buick circus hour no 6 in 1952-53 gangbusters no. 8 in 1952-53 source prime time hits by Susan Sackett billboard books " r 1 is. \ j sunday Lilc in 1q. 1905