European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - November 21, 1973, Darmstadt, Hesse Page 20 the stars and stripes wednesday november 21, 1973 modern living " the problems of being free continued from Page 19 Tion. Today she works out of two offices As Well As her luxury seven room apart ment doing promotional work. I was shocked out of my mind As to How Well i could manage. I mean i never knew i could be smart competent and successful. It was a new me i never dreamed Agnes p., who asked to remain Anonymous agreed. I d always been so inhibited. I never said what i Felt because i thought it would provoke an argument in my marriage she said. But now i be been Able to open up. I have a new Agnes an elegant blonde look alike for Janet Leigh left her husband after 28 years of marriage. We grew apart. We simply had nothing to say to each other any More.,i wanted to leave him 15 years ago but he begged me to stay and i did. But love had been dead a Long time. When my two sons went off to College i Agnes had been working with a major department store Chain since her children were in High school so she had Money of her own. She did not ask for Alimony. Nina p., 57, Mother of two grown sons finally moved out because of bitter often violent fights with her husband. I Tell my self we stayed together for the children but really i could t move out because of my own insecurities said Nina a soft spoken woman. It was difficult at first but what a Relief to escape that unarmed or. And mrs. Ward Mcdaneil of Haacon mp., have been married 79 years. Statisticians figure the Odds against being married that Long Are about 8,750,000 to one. Nina now lives in a beautifully decorated one bedroom apartment in new York and has an interesting Job in publishing. She says she meets Many men through her Job but wants to expand her Circle of friends even More and is planning to take a singles cruise for music lovers. The women often find that they have out grown their still married friends. Other women they say seem resentful and jealous of their new found Freedom. I run into women i knew from the suburbs and they All say i look so fantastic said Flory. But the Way they say it i know they d be happier if i looked dead. They look so terribly old and tired and i think there but for the Grace of god go encounter sessions there Are moments too when As for any woman in her 50s come the occasional anxieties about growing old. Sometimes i think i m going to Wake up and find All my skin hanging Down around my Ankles jokes Flory. But at least now my wrinkles Are just from age and not from worry and Flory can t imagine marrying again. I can always find an escort and i certainly Don t need financial support. But i do need a deep relationship with a Man and that s not always easy to Agnes too says that remarriage is the last thing on her mind. The world has too Many things to offer and enjoy to get tied Down again. Marriage is something everyone should experience once and i be tried it already thank helping Happy couples couples who rate their marriages As Happy Are seeking help these Days. At least that s the word from carmelite father Jacob Buettner who with a Hus band wife team visited Germany last month to conduct a marriage encounter session at St. Joseph Retreat House at Hofheims. The idea is to make the Happy marriage even a happier one he says in explaining the idea behind the inter denominational sessions which he notes have become increasingly popular in . According to him 115 individual groups Are running such encounter sessions in 42 states under the direction of the marriage encounter National office in Chicago. He explains that the sessions Are not for problem marriages but aimed at aiding happily married husbands and wives to grow even closer together through a four step program usually conducted Over a period of two or three Days that focuses first on the individual s feelings then on the relationship to his or her partner then on the role religion plays in their relation ship and finally on their combined stand ing within the Community. The encounters says father Buettner Are in no Way like sensitivity sessions. By Mary Neth modern living editor we just set an atmosphere away from routine family life that allows the husband and wife to open up to each other drop their defences and reflect on the Vari Ous aspects of their life together. I attempt to help them define their relationship to god. Armando and Barbara Carlo the couple accompanying me share the experiences they believe have helped them personally achieve an Ever closer both father Buettner and the Carlos who have taken part in such encounter sessions since 1968 Hope that the marital help program will catch fire among . Military communities in Europe. Marriage encounters now being prac tired in 27 countries were the idea of a Spanish priest says father Buettner. He held the first such sessions in Spain in 1967. From there the idea was brought to the . A year he advises anyone who wishes help in setting up such encounter sessions to write to the group s National office 5305 West Foster ave., Chicago 111. 60630, for Bro Chures and information or to Contact Chap lain maj Francis Pajtas at the Darm Stadt Germany military Chapel by Ann Curley a staff writer it in t whether you win or lose but How you play the marriage game that counts. What you learn could count even More in real life according to three Rutgers University sociologists who have designed the game for use in teaching and premarital counselling. The marriage game a Simula Tion of marital decision making gives players the Chance to experience the effects of decisions they would make in married life. It provides the intermediate step be tween having the real experience and Reading about it explains or. Cathy s. Greenblat of East Brunswick assistant professor of sociology at Douglass College the women s division of Rutgers. We take me of marriage people and in 10 hours run them through the general dimensions of seven years of married Greenblat who teaches a course in Gam ing and lectures on the subject across the country designed the game with or. Nor Man f. Washburne of West Windsor town ship chairman of the sociology depart ment at Rutgers Newark division and Douglass professor Peter j. Stein of new Brunswick. Their creation is a simulation or Model of a real life system a Type of game that is becoming increasingly pop ular in education Greenblat Points out. The marriage game has no Board Dice markers or any of the usual accompaniments of parlor games. Instead play ers use a thick manual to be published in november. It includes charts to consult forms to fill in and readings to Aid one s understanding of marital decision Mak ing. An awful lot has been written about decision making in marriage says Wash Burne who has owned a game producing company and served As a consultant to government agencies on simulation train ing in the. 1950s. It was a Challenge to try to figure out and to simplify the effects of decisions on various aspects of no decisions Are left to the Chance Roll of the Dice in the marriage game. The player firs decides what values Are most important on a list that includes Security free Dom and marital and parental status. In each round representing a year the player then decides what Job to hold when and whom to marry when to have children what budget to follow and the amount of interaction with others in the game. There also is the option to divorce and remarry. The Point results of each round vary according to the consequences of the player s decisions As they Are weighted by their values. The decision to have a child for example results in loss of Freedom Points for a couple but gives them More in parental if they value parental status More than Freedom they be done Well by their system of values. But the score is secondary to the learn ing experience of the game which has been two years in the designing and test ing. Trial runs with married and single adults of All Ages indicate that participation can be Eye opening. Stein who considers marriage and the family one of his special Fields recalls a Young Man and woman who said they Learned More about each other in playing the game than they had in being together the previous six months
