European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - September 19, 1985, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Columns noisy visitors photo by Cus Safiu Cut or Here she comes again miss Mississippi they re breaking out the pig feet and the White whisky in the Magnolia state. Miss Mississippi has won the miss America Crown again. I Don t know Why we have a miss America contest. Undoubtedly it is a throwback to our barbarian past we Cal Warrior Cults worshipped Fertility goddesses in unspeakable rites that resembled modern Day vow conventions. It seems rather mindless to proclaim one Young woman the most desirable female on a continent because she looks Good in a swimsuit and can . No Grace on a Lew s Harp. But in does t really Hurt anything and it upsets the feminists. I m tickled that Mississippi won. I be had some High times there. Besides every state needs to be Good at something and Mississippi s Forte is blowing out the miss America Competition. If the judges were honest miss Mississippi would probably win about 75 percent of the time. Let the other 49 states Tell their daughters to grow up to be airline pilots police detectives vice presidential candidates anchorwoman mar it honeys and Lumberjacks. In Mississippi Little girls still want to be Scarlet o Hara so Clark Gable can haul them up the stairs and toss them in the sack like the famous scene in com h re the wind. One would think Georgia would have an inside track on the miss America hoopla since Georgia is the scaling for Margaret Mitchell s novel. But Atlanta is a Boom town with an Airport As big As some european nations and a prosperous thriving thoroughly modern Urban Economy. The hoop skirts mint juleps fluttering eyelashes and Moonlight nights on the veranda All belong to  Susie May you could make a Man run out and Rob a Gas station if you asked him just right with that pretty Little voice of  Why brambly you say the most Darling things. Sigh would you really Knock Over a gasoline station for me to by John Windrow staff columnist Mississippi girls an c by real tears when Focy win which is a very important part of the miss America pageant. What would All the newspapers put on Page one if they did t have a shot o miss Mississippi weeping without Messing up her make up while last year s Winner whose name has been forgotten for 11 months puts the Crown or. Her head miss Mississippi Are also Superb at making us Are acceptance speeches without laughing out loud who h is what Normal people would do first of Alt i want to thank my mama and president Reagan who be made this wonderful dream of a lifetime come True. I Hope All people he they White Blat yellow red or Brown Are enjoying this As Truk h As i am. There Are so Many other wonderful girls he re who could have won just As easily and i Hope they All go on to become missionaries and brain surgeons like they said they planned to do in the interviews before the pageant last week. And final i want to thank Granny Maybelle who taught me to walk in High heels with a dictionary on top of my head when i was three years  other states May try to break this stranglehold on Iho pageant but they be got a Long Way to go. Some of them Are heading in the wrong direction. Miss Michigan for example put on a karate exhibit for her Talent. The a reported she stomped Barefoot through 100 pounds of broken soda bottles and pushed her foot through four Inch thick pieces of  who did she think the judges were Clint last Wood and or. To there Are Little girls in Meridian Grenada Biloxi and mos Point right now who Are Prat tit ing jumping on chair Sand shrieking at mice fainting swooning baking macaroons and smiling sweetly at the runner up. Mississippi girls know How to put on false eyelashes before the doctors take them out of the incubator. They can Wear Mink Coats to the Ole miss Ltd game on september afternoons in Baton Rouge drink Bourbon straight out of the bottle and not break a Swul. Not Only is it fair and fitting that miss Mississippi be America s most Sweet and wonderful girl this year there is a great Mission for her to fulfil. Let s lace it whatever it is that miss americas do Between winning the Crown and giving it up at the next pageant is one of the world s Best kept secrets. But this year a great calling awaits miss America. The associated press reported recently that the Mississippi River is running out of mud. Tyit1 a mrs  immediately informed its readers of tins hot item. Sediment discharged by the mighty River a been reduced by halt in the past 35 years the a said Mississippi has two landmarks miss Mississippi and the Mississippi which is world renowned Lor i s mud. The Catfish thrive on it the people joke about it he water skiers turn Brown to their Knees gliding Kross it. Now we learn that the vital Supply of mud is being reduced because of dams Anil other modern irritants. The new miss Amenta must tour the world asking for mud contributions for the big Muddy. Some things should remain the Way they Are for our Lite live mental stability. One year Uncle Jud May not be Able to beat his ii d in the Mississippi mud. The next some Yankee karate expert is named miss America. September t9, 7955 stripes Magazine