European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - March 19, 1986, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Page 18 the stars and stripes wednesday March 19, 1986 columns & comments something Rotten in Nicaragua by Russell Baker i asked a new York City politician How to handle Nicaragua. He could t place Nicaragua at first. Was it somebody in the sanitation department who had been indicted 1 straightened him out it s a country. Run by marxists. Central  right he said. He had read about it but what with every prosecuting attorney in town out howling for head lines things like Nicaragua did t seem As vital to him anymore As they did to the president. You know Nicaragua is a threat to our National Secu Rity he did. In fact he remembered the president cutting off its bananas to protect our National Security. He did t Cut off Nicaragua s bananas he Cut off the United states bananas from  however you say it it was a dumb move he said because the president did t follow up by throwing a picket line around banana dumps. Banana dumps look he said the president says we. Take no More  he s on to a Good idea let billions of bananas pile up and rot in the streets of Nicaragua and everybody gets so sick of the smell they throw out the reds for incompetence to wit not getting the garbage collected. But the plan can t work unless the president throws picket lines around the banana dumps. Then the Sanita Tion Union says no Way Are we going to cart off All those rotting bananas because it would mean refusing to Honor a picket  How would the president get pickets to close Down the banana dumps was i suggesting that in Nicaragua nobody Ever heard of bribing the amalgamated banana dump workers what kind of weird place was that bribery is Nasty and dishonourable i said. Would t you be ashamed to have your president corrupting labor unions while very Nasty indeed he said bribery nevertheless got results. Did t i see that Story in the papers just the other Day about one of our most upright . Electrical goods manufacturing corporations getting a very Rich con tract in the Philippines by paying a multimillion Dollar bribe to the then Boss Senor Marcos i will hear no More of bribery i said. That s because i was dumb he said. It was the same dumbness that made the feds such easy Marks that even banana Republic commies could outwit them. Sure bribery was Nasty but was it half As Nasty As letting the Cia hire a gang of pistol Eros and turning them Loose to shoot up the Countryside careful How you speak of Freedom  you could Call them Freedom fighters or the moral equivalent of our founding fathers or anything else you wanted to Call them he said but after you called them everything in the dictionary they were still losers. So having Given them millions and millions to get absolutely no results what did the president now propose to give them another $100 million. Oppose that and you Are on Russia s Side i pointed out citing recent announcements to this effect by White House personnel. That kind of talk he said suggested to him the presi Dent was More interested in cooking up a Campaign Issue for the coming biennial re election of sitting congressmen than in using $100 million effectively namely for the purpose of changing a government that Washington does t like. As a new yorker i suppose you would use the $100 million to bribe the reds to abandon Marx and swear fealty to Reagan Bush Dole Laxalt Kemp and Jerry  fealty was for the Birds he said. In politics people could swear All the fealty they wanted to but if they double crossed you in a tight spot their fealty was As worthless As a juror too Prissy to be sub orned. After slipping the $100 million to certain influential nicaraguan reds carefully selected for their susceptibility to corruption he said the trick was to let them know there d be plenty More where that came from As Long As they behaved themselves. You mean we d have to keep bribing them forever just like friends in politics he said you have to buy them every time. You would t compel them to go on television to sing the Star spangled Banner and say to hell with Karl Marx " they d never let themselves be bribed if the president insisted on such humiliations he said. It s inhuman to ask people you be bribed to let everybody know they re corruptible. Though they May have to admit that they be taken your Money you be got to leave them the right to deny any  c new York times commies demos or Ortega dupes by Art Buchwald i want you to pay close attention. Unlike Pat Buchan an i Don t consider you All communists just because you refuse to support president Reagan s request to Send Money to the contras in Nicaragua. It s quite possible that you re either a dupe of Daniel Ortega or you re a registered Democrat. In any Case they love you in the Krem Lin. I know i told you the last time out that $27 million would be sufficient to support the Freedom fighters in their Battle to win their Homeland. Well now it s no longer a fight Over one country but rather a life or death struggle for Western civilization. Are you going to let the Western hemisphere go Down the Drain for a Lousy $100 million if your answer is yes then go Back to Russia where you belong. What you ask am i going to get for my Money you re going to get a first class fighting Force with guns ships tanks helicopters and a Light at the end of the Tunnel. The answer is yes they can buy All that for $ 100 Mil lion though supplemental funds May have to be added at a future Date to protect the stuff when it arrives. Now i want to talk to you about san Diego. You All have an approximate idea where san Diego is. It s located on America s Doorstep to Central America. A Nice clean City it has Friendly people and a Sun that shines 365 Days a year. Suppose i told you that if we Don t give the $100 million to the contras nicaraguans will March Barefoot right through downtown san Diego and continue along the coast until they reach Disneyland and turn it into a marxist training Camp. I m not making it up. I read it in an article by Pat Buchanan and he works in the White House where they know these things. It is the administration s position that Only those americans who support Ronald Reagan s Cen trial american requests give a Damn about what happens to san Diego. The rest of you Are in bed with Gorbachev whether you know it or not. Before i go i would like to get personal for a moment. Pat Buchanan was in the . Marines and i was in the . Marines. I did t know him in the service but that does t matter. I know him now. And i d just like to say saying we won t. It All depends on How Many traitors there Are in Congress. The time for debating Reagan s adventures in foreign lands is Over. Stand up now and be counted. Which Side you on if you have forgotten remember theare Maine. Remember the Maine c los Angeles times you re an amok i Pott ican a of you hav5any what Are you Choice. I m Point working in ask hi5 Kkt Duvalier chemical .1 control. Today s crossword by Eugene Sheffer across 1 sen colleague 4 ruler of Yemen 8 to s David 12 poem 13 roman emperor 14 City in Hawaii 15 Sailor 16 show Flower 18 divert 20 Anvil site 21 arthurian lady24 " on sunday 28 Spring blossoms 32 rail Bird 33 cover 34 uncanny 36 Clown s need37 of the ear 39 gift for a Blue lady 41 Pavarotti for one 43 Lane so worker 44 set charge 46 aesthetic 50 Spring Flowers 55 com motion 56 farm fraction 57 Capricorn s Symbol 58 Meadow 59 it begin sin january 60 concludes 61 sea Bird Down 1 composer Nino 2 dutch treat 3 Home of the inca 4 Young girl s role 5 Brooks or Blanc 6 Macaw 7 fashion 8 coasts 9 Iran Export 10 Eskimo knife 11 Alamos 17 Hunter or Fleming 19 part Ofa min. 22 River in Bohemia solution time 29 min. 3-19 yesterday s answer 23 to or John 25 altar a agreements often 26 new Yor canal 27 tatters 28 coagulate 29 ceremony 30 War god 31 lateral Boundary 35 Hemingway Etal. 38 Chest for valuables 40 baseball great 42 Vintage car45 rim 47 healthy 48 German River 49 kind of horse 50 Doris or Dennis 51 King Topper 52 religious brother 53 charged atom54 Young boy 28 33 37 4t 50 56" 59" 29 51 30 52 21 38 44 34 42 22 39 45 57 60 23 43 53 20 31 54 24 35 46 32 40 25 36 47 55 58 61 26 48 27 49 3-19 50whaf$ nots0600k that like it 5haw1deerowrr. Aarav Leo have 9om& of your Goul Agu grandma ? a thinks that Kip must hav a stomach like mixer �1986 King Feal Uret Syndicate. Inc world Nghil be waved