European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - May 13, 1990, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Page 2even the Brave run when you break an egg David Grimes i am sorry that the cold War is Over because i had a great idea How we could annihilate the russians. Eggs. Eggs Are probably the most dangerous non explosive food substance in America More so even than pork chops or half and half. Parents who allow their children to bring automatic weapons in for show and Tell know better than to mess around with something As lethal As an Omelette. Eggs Are dangerous because they Emit invisible cholesterol rays that cause your heart to seize up like a Rusty Zipper. Center piece nutritionists studying at the american Institute of food paranoia now inform us that its no longer Safe to be in the same room with an egg let alone eat one. I brought a hard boiled egg to work the other Day and the building emptied in a matter of seconds. A watch out Quot they said As they bolted for the door. A a he a got an egg in that bag a a what do you think he s going to do with it a asked a news clerk As she dashed for the parking lot. A i done to know a said an editor a but he a not taking me with  a i always thought the Guy had a screw Loose a said a photographer crouching behind his Toyota. A but who would have thought it would come to this a a you just can t Trust a Man who wont Wear a tie a said the publisher from behind his Cadillac. I had cracked my egg and was shaking some Salt on it when the Captain of the swat team got on the bullhorn. A throw the egg out the door in front of you and walk out slowly with your hands on top of your head. We Promise we wont  a Why a i screamed out the window. A so i can spend the rest of my life in prison a contents Back Home .2 Shell your foes with eggs stateside views.3 Light look at what s almost news observations.4 a warning to vide Holics hugs for and lessons from Mother Home front .5 clean Stero makes for Dean sound tips on storing slides books.8-9 Vietnam stories link past and future James j. Kilpatrick rules on complaints science and the world. 10 Why is Britain s Heather dying at a glance Belgium Odds amp ends.11 californians Don 7 quake at tremors genealogy and Horoscope last laugh .12 Dave Barry cartoons from around the world join reporter Effic Bathen and Illustrator Sharon Kilday on some Light travel As they look at europeans memories of american vacations. Pages 6-7 a we have hospitals for people like you a said the cop. A does the Hospital have television a i shouted Back. Quot in the Ward room a said the cop. A not Good enough a i said. A i want my own to. And i want  Quot hey pal a said the cop. A a let a be reasonable  i flicked a few bits of Yolk out the window at the crowd that had gathered below. Their screams gave me a perverse satisfaction. A fall right All right a said the cop. A your own to with  a and i want a Var with wireless Remote a i said. A now hold on just a gosh am min. A i brought out a second hard boiled egg and began tossing it casually from hand to hand. Quot i done to think you really have any Choice in the matter Copper a i said. A wok a said the Captain. A a in la see that you get everything you want. Just put that egg Down and come out  Quot the Playboy Channel too a i said. Quot the Playboy Channel too a he said.  i said. David Grimes is a humor columnist for the Sarasota Fla her Ald Tribune. Tim of Brien discusses his latest collection of Short stories on Vietnam. Page 8. Sunday editor is a weekly John Taylor supplement designer of the stars Lisa Rivard and stripes. Art director Sharon Kilday makeup editor Lisa Williams Spring cleaning should include compact disks and other sound equipment. Page 5. Sunday May 13,1990