European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - June 24, 1990, Darmstadt, Hesse                                A amp a bailout no ones guilty but we All pay Dave Barry Knight Ridder newspapers its time for an update on the ongoing Effort by our elected life forms in Washington d.c., to eliminate this Pesky Federal budget deficit. And today we have some exciting news the savings and loan Industry bailout which As of yesterday afternoon was expected to Cost taxpayers $752.6 trillion Skillion is now expected to Cost $964.3 Hillion jillion bazillion not including the Christmas party. So Progress is definitely being made. Even As you read these words economists in secret government laboratories arc developing an entirely news amp a bailout monetary unit the a whomp Tillion a a number so Large that it will Cost the taxpayers $32.7 billion every time a High Federal official pronounces it. Also in the works is a bailout efficiency program under which to Cut out the middleman bands of savings and loan operators will roam the streets collecting funds directly from taxpayers at gunpoint. 1 know what you re thinking. You re thinking a Well As a taxpayer i am of course always Happy to help provide enormous sums of Money to pay for giant screw  that i had Williams London England nothing to do with. But Isnit anybody responsible for this a no. Nobody is. The a amp a crisis is basically a natural disaster similar to what happened to ancient Pompeii where All these italians were sitting around minding their own business when suddenly molten lava erupted out of a nearby Mountain and destroyed All the savings and loan institutions. You re paying for those too. In fact the forthcoming space shuttle Mission is scheduled to release a huge wad of Cash into space so that you can pay for a amp a failures on other planets. That is the kind of thoughtful taxpayer you Are. I wish to stress by the Way that this situation is especially not the fault of Sens. Alan Cranston John Glenn Dennis Deconcini Donald Riegle and John Mccain who Are known collectively As the a Keating five because it would be a serious violation of the libel Laws to Call them a prostitutes with  the Keating five have been criticized because they accepted $ 1.3 million in contributions raised by businessman Charles Keating then tried to get regulators to ease up on keat a Forel Quot there is an old army saying if god told you to do one thing and your commanding general told you to do another you a better Hope god was forgiving because the general certainly wont be. John m. Kamenar or. Al Englan West Germany the new revised edition of the King James Bible is out. In the updated version after 39 Days and nights Noah a wife makes him pull the Arlt Over and ask directions Johnny Carson the italian National soccer teams eight week ban on sex for its players recalls the words of legendary baseball manager Casey Stengel a i done to mind players having sex before games. Its what they have to go through to get it that bothers  new York times Inge is amp a the Lincoln savings and loan and dog race betting corporation which they argued was in perfectly sound financial condition and. Crash us of. Apparently or. Keatings a amp a was not in sound condition after All. Taxpayers Are hereby advised to open their windows and hurl out $2 billion and possible More pending a review of or. Keatings private Jet requirements. Thank you. But As i was saying there was nothing improper about what the Keating five did. They did not sell out the Public Trust for $1.3 million. We know this because they said so and they Are supported by the following Complete transcript of the transaction Keating Here a $1.3 million senators suspiciously what for Keating no reason. In a handing out Large sums of Money at random. I must be a total Moron senators relieved of of. And even if the senators did try to do a favor for or. Keating so what its a , senators Job to help individual citizens. Around our House hardly a Day goes by when we done to have four or five . Senators come to the front door and ask if they can unclog a Drain Wash the dogs Etc. Sometimes we have to shoo them away with brooms. A you senators get out of Here a we say. But they just Crouch in the shrubbery and wait in Case we need them. That is the kind of Public servants they Are. So i done to want to hear any More nitpicking from you taxpayers. I done to want to hear any absurd proposals such As that we round up All the people involved in the a amp a mess and for every million tax dollars they Cost us we sentence them to 100 hours of Public service inside a closed packing crate with a 375-Pound Federal regulator named Bruno whose hobbies Are to deling intestinal malfunction and full body Massage. That would be grossly inappropriate. Fifty hours is plenty. Arnould Toronto Canada a f a a i a a a \ a a Page 12 sunday june 24,1990 copyright �1990, cartoonists 8. Writers Syndicate