European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - November 4, 1990, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Last laugh politicians get the respect that they be earned Dave Barr Knight a Kef newspapers recently in a deviation from Standard journalism procedure in be been talking with members of the Public. We journalists generally avoid members of the Public because they always Tell us that we get everything wrong although in fact what they re usually talking about is insignificant errors such As identifying James Baker As a the governor of Connecticut a when he is technically the mayor of Connecticut. So usually we journalists prefer to obtain our information about the Public by watching it walk past our cafeteria windows. A the Public appears guardedly optimistic today a Well say. Or a Stop the presses the Public appears to be in a recession Quot but lately because of car trouble i have been in very close Contact with the Public at least the part of it that operates Tow trucks and in be been Able to a dig up the following major a a scoop the Public is fed up with politicians. Yes if you done to believe me just look around you not now you Moron at the end of the sentence and you 11 see Subtle yet unmistakable signs of voter dissatisfaction a in Survey after Survey the Public ranks a politician a As a profession Between a a arsonist and  a Many politicians Are unable to appear in Daylight because the Public throws rocks at them. They re forced to Campaign in the dead of night sneaking into voters houses creeping into the nurseries hastily kissing babies and then sprinting off into the darkness trailed by aides caning camouflaged briefcases. A eighty seven percent of the members of Congress now Wear special armoured socks because they keep getting bitten by their own dogs. A in a dramatic example of the mounting voter backlash against incumbents the two term governor of Oklahoma was recently Defeated by ajar of totally inexperienced Mayonnaise. Yes our elected leaders Are a feeling the heat a but is this really fair should the Public tar All of the apples in the political barrel with the same Broad Brush just because a few Rotten eggs Are crying Over spilled milk of course not. The truth is that there Are a great Many politicians who Are honest trustworthy intelligent hard working decent and competent. Unfortunately they Are All located on the planet zoom Bah. The ones Here on Earth Are dumpster Heads. Consider for example their recent concerted Effort to reduce the Pesky Federal budget deficit which shockingly continues to mount despite the fact that both major political parties have issued sternly worded position papers against it. Day after Day week after week the top brains of Congress and the Bush administration sat in a conference room eating prune danish supplied by the prune danish division of the Bureau of pastries of the . Department of refreshments at a Cost of $2,350 per slice. A what should we do about this Pesky budget deficit a the leaders asked crumbs of concern dribbling from their Mouths. A How can we reduce it if Only we had an idea if Only we could think  a spend less Money you cretins 1�?� shouted a group of cockroaches who had been listening from the floor and managed to figure out the solution despite the Handicap of not being top political brains. Unfortunately however our political leadership is not responsive to cockroaches unless of course they operate savings and loan institutions. So the government does not appear to be working and the Public is sick of politicians. But the tide is starting to turn. That is the Beauty of democracy. More and More politicians finally getting the message Are using their bloated Campaign budgets to produce Slick phony to commercials in which they deny that they Are politicians. You be probably seen these the screen shows a amps Sharon Killday a candidate with his sleeves rolled up pretending to talk with a group of factory workers announcer Morton Lamprey is not a politician. Morton Lamprey has no interest in politics. That a Why Morton Lamprey spent $287,000 to make this commercial. Candidate in a Morton Lamprey and because i am not a politician i constantly hang out with Ordinary workers informally rolling up my sleeves and holding exactly the same opinions As they do about everything. Sometimes i even touch them. Announcer lets help Morton Lamprey continue the fight against the insider fat cat politics As usual that he a been waging for 17 consecutive terms in office. One of the workers throws a Rock which bounces harmlessly off the candidates hair Spray candidate to an aide have that worker shot. Announcer Morton Lamprey. He a just like you assuming that you have a Media adviser. Morton Lamprey. Notice How sincerely i say his name. I also do the infiniti commercials. So we re definitely seeing some meaningful Reform in the area of political advertising. Some radicals however feel we need to go still further and actually improve the Quality of government via simple common sense political reforms such As becoming a British Colony again. Another increasingly popular idea is to give politicians terms of a specified length which i think is an excellent idea. Twelve years sounds about right to me. But no parole. Of toy London England copyright 01990, cartoon amp Friton syrd Contono kidding eight unusual fears papa phobia a intense fear of the Pope Cremato phobia intense fear of wealth Tete photophobia a fear of using the Telephone Hedon phobia a fear of pleasure  a fear of no. 13 Odon phobia a fear of Teeth Gam phobia a fear of marriage lev phobia a fear of objects on left Side of body. A especially the Teeth of animals source of Tottos term Mena Madrid Spain copying 01990, cartoonist x write Syndicate Page 24 c to plus sunday november 4,1990