European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - November 18, 1990, Darmstadt, Hesse Back Home dropped handbag spills secrets of a woman a Sou Lalice Steinbach Baltimore Sun since i began writing this column 10 months ago i occasionally find myself dreaming about it. Of course most of the time i done to use the material i dream a in a saving that for my novel. This column is an exception its one i wrote in my sleep. You May like it better than the ones 1 write while in a awake. The dream i am in a psychoanalysts office and As i Rise from the Couch to leave i drop my pocketbook. Its entire contents spill out onto the carpet. At that moment a television Crew arrives from a primetime live to do an investigative piece on what i Cany in my purse. I watch in horror As my analyst a who looks just like Sam Donaldson a gets Down on the floor and holds up each item before the camera shouting out to the world the humiliating truth about my life. A one copy of a thin thighs in 30 Days a Roll of turns covered with fuzz a fan letter to Jackie Collins a Small wedge of velveeta cheese a cassette tape of a Mantovani plays Mantovani a prescription for retin a several photographs of two cats named Max and Fluffy dressed in dolls clothing a videocassette of Mike Dukakis explaining the Massachusetts Miracle with a note that says a Alice thanks for All your help. The an overdue american express Bill a Small Container i Wake up screaming. The dream reflects one of womankind a deepest fears that we will find ourselves in some unexpected situation where our most intimate secrets will be revealed to strangers through the contents in our handbags. Granted there May be a few women in the world whose pocketbooks Are in perfect order a Nancy Reagan and Sandra Day of Connor Spring to mind As possibilities a but throughout history most women have been plagued by the condition known As pocketbook disorder syndrome hereafter referred to As ads. I leave it to the psychologists and geneticists to fight out the old nature is. Nurture Battle when it comes to the origins of ads. All i know is that As Young girls we Start out symptom free. A typical Case history might go like this you get your first pocketbook at age 2. You Cany it to Church with a handkerchief inside it. Somewhere at about age 6 you put a pack of chewing gum in with the handkerchief. At 10 or thereabouts you add a key and a comb. The quantum leap As Best i can determine it comes with i am told it is not unusual for the average 15-year-old girl to Cany in her pocketbook the following items a blow dryer five lipsticks two blushes a Hairbrush comb mousse hair Spray a collection of cassette tapes chewing gum breath mints bottles of idol tylenol and excedrin an assorted selection of fruit and Yogurt moisturizing sunscreen a Wallet keys address Book a framed photograph of the Boyfriend pens pencils and a pocket calculator. As a woman grows older the symptoms of ads Only escalate. I have a Friend who carries salads in her pocketbook every Day. Another Friend has been known to carry her cat in her pocketbook. A woman i know quite Well never goes anywhere without a copy of a rather hefty Book of poetry by Wallace Stevens. I am told although not by very reliable sources of a new kind of group therapy aimed at dealing with ads. Its called embarrassed straight. The therapeutic component kicks in when the ads member is suddenly confronted in a Public place a on the Job for instance in front of her colleagues or in the supermarket checkout line a and forced to empty the contents of her purse. In a also told that preliminary research on this subject tends to single out owners of designer bags As among the worst offenders. In tests done on off duty lab mice How Eyck those mice assigned Gucci bags scored far better than the control group mice Given non designer bags which reminds me did i Ever Tell you about the time i dreamed i was taken hostage by designer Ralph Lauren for wearing a Polo shirt not designed by him but that a another column. Harrison Ford goes from prosecutor to suspect in a presumed innocent a a four Star thriller reviewed on Page 9.cover Roger Moore shares the movie screen with american sailors in Scotland. Page 5. Observations. 3 falling in love is easy at 5 do you have any thanksgiving traditions Joe Bob Briggs. 4 a Gross guide to Turkey Hunting on videos. 6 a Cadillac Man Quot and other new releases to briefs.7 guest starring As an alien fish fils weeks films 8-9 Chuck Vinch reviews Quot presumed innocent Complete Raees circuit listings on television 10 what son when now and Why on an television listings 11-14 local Cable and satellite schedules trends .15 David Letterman s top 10s Are no. 1 books.16-17 writing As a second line of work James j. Kilpatrick on foreign word science and the world 18 mighty mice rodents with human organs at a glance Europe s Small countries Odds amp ends.19 travelling with kids is no vacation miss manners and Horoscope last laugh. 24 Dave Barry cartoons from around the world Dave Barry warns of thanksgiving turkeys that bite Back. Page 24. The top 10 lists of to talk show Host David Letterman and his staff of conspirators have produced lots of laughs and plenty of imitators. Page 15. To plus is a weekly supplement of the stare and stripes editors John Taylor Sarah Bottorff Art director Sharon Kilday production Lisa Williams Denise Adams editorial assistance Louis Pierce Marian Hamilton Page 2 c to plus sunday november 18,1990
