European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - June 30, 1991, Darmstadt, Hesse                                 w1 a Star changes people. I suspected it w to / was True but never really under stood the magnitude of that axiom until coming Home from a operation desert storm. 1 had been gone for 134 Days of grueling boredom punctuated by the hysterical terror called com a Bat. A  a. A a. A a. A. And it changed my wife. The Homecoming was Sweet perfect. Like out of a tear jerking movie or readers digest. Got off the lumbering bus that brought  the Distant Airport to our Home station in Beautiful. Bamberg Germany. Our Loving expectant farm lies were dutifully and patiently waiting for their heroes in a typical Light Spring German drizzle., they were a beckoning Garden of multicoloured umbrellas protecting a sea of searching eyes new clothes and Iresh coiffure., a they looked great.,. A a ignoring the rain Corey my 14-year-old daughter ran across the Slick cobblestones. Laughing and screaming and waving her arms. She jumped into my arms gave me. A huge hug and cried. Of daddy in a so glad you re Home a she a sobbed  in a so glad you re  almost made me cry. Really. Yet i stoically. Fought Back the tears. A. Carolyn my Wile carefully but quickly tiptoed across the Slick surface in a sexy pair of High heels and skirt that did no to quite reach her panty a Hose covered Knees.  her umbrella grabbed me and gave me the Hearl waiting deep Long wet kiss i had been dreaming about for 4vi months. Quot a. A Chi love. I really missed you a she said. A a in a. Proud of  her eyes looked like she really meant it. She grabbed the hair on the Back of my. Head pulled my face Back to hers and gave me another big Laguc kiss. They got me Home. There was Champagne. V then Carolyn fed me a fantastic Urical lubricated with my favorite drink Jack Daniels Over ice. My daughter was sincere. Quot a Quot. My wife was setting me up. Painfully i discovered this fact the next Day when i accidentally found Carolyn a carefully constructed Battle plans hidden in the breakfast room on a Long yellow pad. Her Light flowing handwriting belied the viciousness of the impending attack just As her ardor had the night before. Dutifully and correctly the army had tried to prepare me for the Homecoming,.while we waited in the desert before we flew Home the army announced that our wives and families. Would be More Independent and assertive having had to Cope grow and mature in our absence. Maybe. Possibly. The army also told us it would take time to a socialize Back into  families. Maybe a Long time. Of. We were supposed to be patient and understanding with them As. They were to be with us. Of on that one too. .1 found some of that hard to believe. At least As it applied to me. Having lived with these two Loving women for As Long As i have i found it difficult to see How two raving feminists could Possi Fly be More Independent and assertive. No Way boy was i ambushed. Not like a steely eyed  hardened combat Veteran with a fully developed sixth sense for danger. More like a rank Amateur Rush out of army Basic training the next morning the damning evidence a pea red. Right there in my Loving wife a own handwriting. Corey was off at school and Garu Lyn had gone off to her Job. The. Dog was flopped Over on his Side asleep in the Kitchen miss akan by 1 had thought 1 could enjoy a few hours of peace and quiet. With my trembling hands. Clutching a Mug of real Coffee i collapsed into a straight backed chair and gawked at the list from hell. The army was right. A  i was wrong. A  a. A  . Things to do. 1. Have Mike fix his ,. A 2. Have Mike fix my car. 3, have Mike sell his car. A ,. A from the cover. 4-6 7/wf noise you hear is the fourth of july. Hetty i Atman Morion Hamilton and j. King cruder re a port cmdr Chambers chips in with a column. Its Schuttler and Gary Miller add photos and Peter Jaeger makes it look the Way you see it. Andy Rooney. .7  searching can be a  and language. 8-9 James Ridgeway marches to War . Odds amp ends. 10 Finui Bomba Khiyah on being american ,. To plus. To Rev 1i Joth anniversary of Jan Montson s death television listings 12-14 local Cable and satellite schedules a. A a on the tube in  15 can knows its serums business a. A contents. 4. Have Mike mow the grass and Weed the Flower Beds. A .a. A 5. Have Mike clean out the basement. 6. Have Mike Wash and vacuum my car. 7. Have Mike do the dishes. A 8. Have Mike clean out his closet. 9. Have Mike do his laundry10. Have Mike take out the garbage.11. Have Mike clean up his computer room. 12. Have Mike Call the insurance company. 13. Have Mike get the Home loan information together. A a 14. Have Mike Lake me to the most expensive restaurant in town. Twice. A a. 15. Have Mike read and consent to our new Home budget. ,. ,. A a. 17. Have Mike take Corey to the new kids on the Block concert on sunday. 18. Have Mike go grocery shopping give him. An idiot proof list. 19. Have Mike take Corey clothes shopping . ,. 20. Have Mike Transfer All of the Money from his checking account to our savings account. 21. Have Mike walk the dog 30 times a Day 22. Have Mike meet All 700 of my new friends. 23. Have Mike throw away All  Blue jeans and favorite to shirts. 24. Have Mike go to 14 parties in the first three Days he is Home. Make sure you dress him a 25. Have Mike give up All his credit cards. 26. Have Mike give up All rights current and future to his dominant male personality forthwith and forever in perpetuity. 27. Have Mike leap through hoops. A  a. Shaking. I leaned Back in the chair sipped Coffee and stared at the ceiling. Lit a Camel and tried to figure out How to escape Back to the safety of the arabian desert. A it was Good to be Home. Home entertainment 16 Quot reversal of Fortune Quot Rei Ich cd Joe Bob Briggs .17 Michael London in 1057hit this weeks films .18-19 Chuck cinch on Quot what about Bob a Complete cafes circuit listing classified ads .20-23 last laugh .24. Dace Harry feels left out sunday is a weekly supplement a of the stars and stripes a. Editor Bucky i Oart direction Peter Jaeger production Kell Quinn. A Lisa Williams editorial assistance  Hamilton a. 1 Ouis Pierce i col Mike Mcgee commands the.6th in 6th inf regt. 1 is.  Oil in Bamberg Germany. His battalion returned from operation desert storm on May 1. A \  j a Send in your column plus a photo of yourself to be our guest sunday Magazine the stars and stripes Apo 09211 or Postrach 11 14 37, d-6100 Darmstadt 11, Germany. I $ % i t 5a amp is Jim Torheim it s a Day for flags fireworks. Pages 4-6.4. _ i v a sunday a june 30, 1991