European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - July 14, 1991, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Too much excitement on the pet front Erma Bombeck Universal press Syndicate i often accuse my husband of bringing up some obscure news Story just to get attention. He can to remember our anniversary but he can recall in detail some dog that hitchhiked across America to get Home to its family in Fargo . On memorial Day he had the entire picnic Bug eyed with a Story about fainting goats. He said they Are a special Breed that when frightened or excited freeze in a stiff position and fall Over 1 done to think anyone believed him. In fact our son said if this were True then How come he had never seen a fainting Goat on David letter Raana a stupid pet tricks segment my husband allowed that maybe he was scheduled to go on but fainted in the Green room when he saw All the lights and cameras. I did no to think much about it until last week when i was leafing through harpers june edition and came upon an article on fainting goats. There is actually an american Tennessee fainting Goat association of 200 members who Breed these animals. Also known As Quot nervous goals Quot they Are prize by collectors for their Myu Lonia a genetic disorder that causes them to freeze in a stiff position and fall Over when frightened. I had an aunt like that and no one wanted to be around her. All of this Only serves to remind me How much we expect from our pets. They can to just sit there and lick themselves. They have to do something to justify their existence. If eats make it to television they have to do the Cha Cha. Dogs have to Wear dark glasses walk on their Hind legs on the Beach in Beer commercials and Send owners out Lor another six pack. Pigs have to jog horses have to talk and Birds have to answer the phone. I know this a fainting goal is nothing you would want to buy a child for a pet. Knowing children a macabre sense of humor i Wasny to Loo stable around them myself. As a matter of fact in a straining Here to come up with a Good reason for having a farm of them at All. Mary Runkle who did the article about her Herd in Bloomfield Iowa wrote Quot they never faint just to please someone. I am always so excited when my painters faint and then i feel so guilty the next instant if in be done anything to cause  if i needed More guilt. Id Call my Mother. I done to know what the future holds for fainting goals. Does an animal that can to hear a Horn honk a Thunderclap or a truck backfire without passing out have a future in today a society and what about Breeding will that too prove to be too much excitement Only another goal can answer that. Miss a \ i is Judith Martin United feature Syndicate ear miss manners please Settle an argument in our office before someone gets Hurt. We need to know the Correct Way to answer the switchboard and telephones. Is it Correct to say a can i help you Quot or a May i help you Quot gentle Reader wait just a minute. You arc coming to blows Oyer a matter of etiquette miss manners thanks you for your Devotion to the cause of manners which As you know is supposed to be a replacement for violence not a supplement to it. The phrase you want is a May i help you Quot which is sometimes changed to a How May i help you a to head off smart Alecks. The a May Quot indicates a willingness to oblige. Whether you Quot can remains to be seen. Dear miss manners my Friend travels alone on business three or four times a year and he likes to try new and expensive restaurants. When dining alone he often takes along a Book or Magazine to read Between courses. I feel that Reading at a Fine restaurant is a Little Tacky and that others in the dining room might feel the same Way. I suggested that if he could not enjoy the food wine and ambiance without Reading material he should order room service and read All go Ching. Gentle Reader it is not Clear to miss manners Why you arc looking Over your friends shoulder when he is alone. Surely one of the pleasures of dining alone is being free of others criticism. Another pleasure is the ability to read at the table. Reading at the table is considered an affront Only to others present at the table not to others in the dining  the week of july 15 Aries March 21-april 19 feel Strong about decisions. Done to tip hand to friends. A relationship runs its course. Fog clears in no time. Taurus april 20-May 20 minor obstacles Are sidetracks to Success. Plan vacation. Release shy reticent behaviour patterns. Give self doubt the Boot. Gemini May 21-june 20 keep the world on a string. Stay on track professionally. Emotional pain is your gain. Stick with vibrant people. Cancer june 21.-july 22 develop your artistic ability. Trust feelings Over logic. Sniff out trouble cheap of time. Be a Rock to relatives. Leo july 23-aug. 22 get your ideas across. People look up to you. Find that business Niche you seek. Like minded people stimulate creative  aug. 23-sept. 22 make decisions with gusto. Learn about business Taw. New Romance moves along swimmingly. Job change is in the air. Libra sept. 23-oct. 22 enjoy Lively discussions. Family settlement comes through even strangers offer Good advice. Pay attention to  oct. 23-nov 21 give support to dear miss manners our daughter gave up a son at birth for adoption. Now 20 years later this lad has looked us up and we Are delighted. Che question is where do we fit in at his coming wedding his adopted Mother is dead. He has his adopted father a grandmother on one Side and an aunt. One reason he looked us up is that he was looking for More family. He found us. I done to think its fair to the adoptive father for the birth Mother to be in the receiving line. In fact i wonder if we should attend the wedding at All. Gentle Reader As you have sensitively considered a newly discovered birth Mother does not belong in a line to receive a family with whom she is not acquainted. Can you imagine the explanations that would be necessary a a in a Jonathan smother. No i had nothing to do with his father Here. His birth father a of never mind. It was someone else lets just leave it at that. Of course i know mrs. Tunis was his Mother although i never actually knew her. But she a dead you know and then he went and found  the receiving line would t Budge after the first person received this interesting news. And the entire focus of the occasion would be on this relationship rather than that of the new couple. This is not to say that miss manners is opposed to your family a attending the wedding if the bridegrooms adoptive relatives arc not hurl by it. They May even be agreeable to having a minor fuss made Over you a say toasting the newly found relatives at the reception. But this As your instinctive Courtesy tells you is not for you to suggest. Your proposal might be that the lad ask his father How he would feel about you going to the ceremony Only or attending the reception but merely identifying yourselves As relatives of the bridegroom without going into detail. But even if lie welcomes you it would be Well to be careful to show that he is the one with the parental authority not your daughter who turned it Over to him. Those less fortunate. Have Faith in abilities. Invoke magic in relationships. Be willing to Compromise. Sagittarius nov. 22-dec. 20 stick with exercise regimen. Adventurous method brings Success. Never say never to new love. Keep social doors open. Capricorn dec. 21-Jan. 19. Think before speaking. Your words Are heard. Take time for personal hobbies. Jettison old worries with Hearty laughter. Aquarius Jan. 20-feb. 18 a massive cleanup drive looms. Out with the old. Stay precise and accurate at work. Health regimen needs shot in Arm. Pisces feb. 19-March 20 your labor bears fruit. Show your sensitive Side. Open a door to Romance. Sidestep irritability and Petty annoyances. Copley news service Page 10 a sunday july 14, 1991