European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - July 14, 1991, Darmstadt, Hesse Last laugh american a shaky singers hitting the rocks Dave Barry Knight Ridder newspapers recently there was a Story in the new York times motto a your motto alone is longer than an entire edition of Usa today stating that americans Are no longer any Good at singing. This is the latest in a series of alarming news stories about things that americans Are no longer any Good at including Reading writing arithmetic and manufacturing any consumer product More technologically sophisticated than pizza. According to the times americans used to do a lot of group singing dating Back to the Days when Hardy pioneers crossing the Prairie would entertain themselves by sitting around the campfire and singing Folk songs such As Home Home on the Range it a where the door and the Antelope a Lamaack a Kaaa acky was the musical sound that the Hardy pioneers made when their Laryn xes were punctured by arrows shot by Prairie dwelling indians who stand that song. Another one they hated was mister Froggy went a courting which inspired them to invent the ant Hill torture. Nevertheless Public group singing remained popular until modern times when it has been Hurt by two factors i. The elimination of religion from the Public schools. At one time most Public schools held Christmas programs where in the children Sang Christmas carols. Eventually this was viewed correctly As unfair to other religious groups so the school started holding Winter programs and including songs from other religions starting with Judaism and gradually expanding. Society got More sensitive to include islam buddhism. Confucianism scientology and the cult of the big Lizard finally to avoid offending anybody the schools dropped religion altogether and started singing about the weather. At my songs school they hold the Winter program in february and sing increasingly no memorable songs such As Winter wonderland frosty the snowman and a this is a real song a Suzy Snowflake All of which is pretty funny because we live in Miami a visitor from another planet would assume that the children belonged to the Church of meteorology. 2. The Rise of Rock and Roll. Lets face it. This is not the Ideal music for group singing. The family is not going to gather a round the old upright piano and Belt out a Hearty chorus of shake your Groove thing. The result is that fewer and fewer americans can sing i have seen Stark evidence of this in my own office. One of my co workers John Dorsch Ner has a song stuck in his head and can to get it out. You be probably had this happen to you. Your brain which is easily the most overrated Organ in your body when it comes to intelligence suddenly decides to devote an entire lobe to a certain song. Sometimes its a song you done to even like but your brain plays it Over and Over and Over especially when you re trying to sleep. You re lying in bed thinking to yourself a big Day tomorrow got to make a major presentation to top management. Got to get some and just As you re about to lose consciousness your brain shrieks its my party and ill cry if i want to cry if i want to cry if i want to you try reasoning with your brain then speaking sternly to it then pounding on its door and threatening to strangle it but it continues shrieking this song until 4 30 a.m., when you finally fall into a fitful sleep marred by a recurring Nightmare wherein you inform the entire Board of directors using audio visual aids that they would cry too if it happened to them. Leading physicians agree that the Only Way to fix this condition is to go up to another person and say a i can to get this darned song of my head a then you sing the song and suddenly Boom its gone from your head because Nowitz a stuck in the other persons head. John has been trying to infect me with his song for several months but like an increasing number of americans he can to sing. About once a week he Sticks his head into my office and says a Are you sure you done to know this song Quot and then he makes a series of noises that if you did no to know they were supposed to be a song you would assume were the desperate moans of a Woodland creature that has somehow become lodged in Johns Trachea. A Sun non Nunn Nunn Quot moans the creature. A the chorus goes a keep a rolling a a adds John looking at me hopefully. A a done to know it a i say. A sorry Quot although i am actually Happy. Shoulders slumped John wanders off looking for another potential victim to infect. According to the new York times we re going to see More and More unfortunate victims like John unless we As a nation Start singing together again. So come on put your ear next to the newspaper and join in with me now of i come from Alabama with a Banjo on Mykna Aback fiddy London England s3 n o no ridding stars who appeared in soap operas 1. Meg Ryan a As the world turns 1982-84 2. Tom Selleck a the Young and the restless 1974-75 3. Kathleen Turner a the doctors 1978-79 4. Patty Duke a the brighter Day 1958-59 5. Alec Baldwin a the doctors 1980-81 6. Kevin Bacon a the guiding Light 1980-81 7. Don Knotts a search for tomorrow 1953-55 source the soap opera encyclopedia a sunday july 14 11 1 1
