European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - July 21, 1991, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Vast laugh advice to grads Job woes wont drive you Dave Barryte Miami Herald pay attention recent College graduates because today a topic is How to get a Job even though we re in a recession and the Only practical skill you Learned in College is How to make collect phone Calls. First you must face harsh reality the Economy is had. Audience How bad is it its so bad that organized crime had to Lay off 10 judges. Its so bad that oysters arc producing fake pearls. Audience boo. Thank you. But seriously recent graduates the employment Market is Tough. The Only sector of the Economy showing any actual Job growth is the resume handling sector which hires Beefy workers to unload the tons of new resumes that arrive at major corporations each Day on enormous barges. Its hard heavy work and to make the time pass More quickly the workers often sing the traditional resume handling song. Got a great big Load o resumes from recent a radiators got to take dam off de Barge an put dam in de Cine Rator that a right recent graduates Large corporations meet roughly 27 percent of their Industrial steam requirements with boilers fuelled by your resumes. So done to think you re not making a difference you a probably prefer to make actual Money which is Why in a Here to offer practical Job Hunting tips. The first one is done to get Down on yourself. Sure it can be depressing to realize that prospective employers find you about As desirable As ajar full of tapeworms. Sure its hard to accept the fact that after spending years studying to take on challenging careers such As architect or communications professional or marketing executive the Only actual position you be been offered is drinking Fountain gum remover. But before you get too depressed let me Tell you a Little Story about a fellow ill Call  like you Bob was a Bright Young graduate. And like you he  find a Job. Things got so bad that Bob wound up living in an appliance Carton but he never lost Faith in himself. One Day while he was collecting used Cigar Butts for food he came across a discarded newspaper that happened to be open to the classified Section and there was an and placed by a company looking for somebody with exactly bobs qualifications. He looked up and saw that he was standing right in front of that company a employment office. And then he was hit by a truck. The Point being that his Carton is vacant if you need it. So hang in there recent graduates. Remember the old saying a a it a always darkest just before you step on the  believe me i know what it feels like to be unemployed. I myself became unemployed within hours after i got my first major Job. I am not making this up. I was hired to drive a delivery truck for a furniture store in Armonk n.y., and everything went really Well until i made my first actual delivery. The Back of the truck had a rigid custom made expensive cover which i failed to attach properly so that when i drove across the Tappan Zee Bridge a playful gust of wind plucked the cover off the truck and sent it soaring dramatically into the Hudson River. ,.because of poor design the cover was not equipped with an emergency flotation device and the furniture store had this really strict Rule under which truck Drivers had to return with the entire truck so i became unemployed. A amps Sharon Kilday an ironic sidelight is that friends of mine Clint and Betty Collins once lost a Large part of their household on the Tappan Zee Bridge. I am not making this up either. They were moving to Boston and the tractor trailer containing All their stuff was crossing the Bridge during High winds and the entire trailer got blown off the Bridge. So Clint who was already in his new Home was having his morning Coffee when he got a phone Call from the moving company  that there had been a slight problem and that the delivery of his household goods might possibly be delayed inasmuch As they were at that moment Drifting downstream toward Manhattan. A that was the earliest in the Day that i Ever had a Martini a recalls Clint. And so recent graduates we Sec that our second practical tip is never take a Job wherein you have to drive furniture across the Tappan Zee Bridge. I  be surprised to learn that its inside the Bermuda Triangle and being attacked by ufos aliens armed with anti furniture truck rays. Speaking of which i see that in a almost a Router space Here. Audience boo. Thank you. So let me just say in closing to you Young graduates done to worry. You la get a Job some Day. Everybody eventually gets a Job even people with absolutely no useful skills or knowledge. Believe me i know. Williams Loni Lun i Sci and. You re always just popping Down to the  .11 is k 11 1 1 \ ? original movie plans 1. Fatal attraction a Glenn closes character kills self Michael Douglas character convicted of murder. 2. Back to the future a Michael j. Foxes role for Eric Stolz. ? 3. Burglary whoopee Goldberg a role to be a male. 4. On Golden Pond a Walter the Trout to be a Bass. 5. Beverly Hills cop a developed for Sylvester Stallone. 6. Apocalypse now a Martin Sheen a role for Harvey Keitel. 7. Reds a Stephen Sondheim score Cut. Source working in Hollywood la gee Quot its incredible the amount of garbage that was left after the Parade Quot Page 24 a sunday july 21, 1991