European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - September 29, 1991, Darmstadt, Hesse The logs dons at Home in hut Bach. Germany from left Jamie Debbie Robby Mike Adam. Said with a heavy sigh. It is probably one of the Lew things the two agree on. That and the fact that Johns stay in a combat zone pushed their relationship past the Point of no return. Quot saudi Arabia changed me Quot he acknowledged. Quot you have a different concept on everything. It ainu to St much the War itself. It a its different. I Ain t never going to do it Mary said John sent her Only three letters during his deployment. That increased her anxiety she said. A the never took into consideration that in be just been through a War in my own Way chaplain Roberts has seen similar marriage Battles and says they Are tragic. She said one of the most common Cross fires can Start when the partner who stayed behind insists a i carried things w Hen you w Ere gone now i Don t want you taking Over complicating the situation in Many families is the added turmoil of the troop draw Down in Europe. Chaplain capt Chris Wisdom who deployed with the 3rd brigade of the 3rd army div out of Friedberg Germany said people had hardly recovered after desert storm when troop withdrawals kicked in. A these people feel like they were being chased by a lion and now they be run into a Bear a Wisdom said. Quot they be barely hit the ground gotten their leave and people arc shoving pcs permanent change of station orders in their even couples with solid relationships feel the additional stress. A we just picked up where we left off a Vicky Slusser said of her reunion with her husband Mark a staff sergeant in a frontline tank company with the 1st army div during the War. But not for Long. Instead of a postwar Calm they were faced with the challenges of another military move. Quot we tried to extend but with the draw Down a no Way a said Vicky who taught at Erlanger elementary school. Quot we were so so the family spent weeks on Edge waiting for orders then joined the relocation Stampede for temporary housing and packing out dates. A a it a the same or More stress than the War a Vicky said before their departure earlier this month. Chaplain Ricketts said he hears an attitude of frustration a Hail the conquering hero is Back but i can to even get a transportation he said couples done to address the logistical issues directly with him but complain for example that they Are having More serious arguments at Home. Edith Eva Eger a psychologist who often gives stress seminars to military communities says the Gulf War Only exposed problems that were there already. Quot i done to think anything can break a marriage that was t broken most chaplains and Counselor agree with Eger that the Gulf War and its aftermath Only magnified existing problems rather than created new ones. They also said that couples with longer marriages had better chances of surviving the wartime separation. Quot the United states military gave a couple the Opportunity to examine themselves in isolation and separation. A Eger said. Quot and the army paid for it. And that s the Best therapy you can Eger who survived a nazi concentration Camp during world War ii and now lives in la Jolla calif., urges couples to understand what each partner experienced during the separation. The Man or woman who went to War she said is not the same Man or woman who left. Chaplain Wisdom also noted that disputes continued on Pune 6it takes work to keep the Gulf out of a marriage by Gary Pomeroy staff writer a before they married four years ago Mike and Debbie Logsdon agreed to seek counselling if things went awry. In March i to they took each other up on that Promise. A we got to a Point where we discuss things anymore a Debbie said of her relationship with the Soldier she met six years ago in their native Akron Ohio. Quot we were fighting and not getting anything by the time Mike an army specialist deployed to saudi Arabia on Jan. 5. They had attended about 10 counselling sessions with a brigade chaplain. Both realize that if they had started trying to fix their marriage after word of the deployment a we would be been in real real big trouble Mike said. Quot it was starting to snowball by the time we did catch their problems have Quot never been anything Earth shattering Quot said Debbie 26. Like Many other couples the logs dons problems began with things like a toothpaste tube squeezed in the wrong place towels on the floor different philosophies on raising and disciplining their three children and an occasional Check Book error. Quot a thousand Little things can Hurt a relationship Quot she said. A in after counselling began Quot it took a Long time for us to be Able to say this needs to he discussed a Quot said Mike a 28-year-old truck Driver with he co. 4th in. 67th Armor in Friedberg c Irma no. L earning in november that he would deploy to an imminent War and the pressure that followed caused Mike to regress. Quot going South was a big he said. Said Debbie Quot it was hard because he was under a lot of pressure so that brought Back a lot of things where he would say something to me and not realize the Way he was saying it. 1 just chalked it up to stress because he was leaving and let it go. There was t any use getting into a big during his six month deployment she sent him a barrage of letters and cassettes. Quot i received a ton of mail Quot he said. Fellow sol diets expressed envy. His mail was accompanied by time to think. A there was a lot of time to do a lot of reflect ing a he said. The War helped him see the trivia to of their problems. A it showed you How stupid some of the stuff was Quot he said. The logs dons have not returned to counselling since Mike got Back to their Home in bul Hach on june i1although they occasionally run into the chaplain. Quot he keeps an Eye on us Quot she said. Quot when he asks Llowd re you doing a you know that a a loaded a the two want to do As much on their own As they can. A i done to think we Ever slopped having problems per be. I done to think anybody Ever does Quot she said. Quot but we done to Light As much As we used a it still goes on a Mike said. Quot we Haven t completely fixed the marriage. We re still working at Quot we re always working at it Quot she said. A i doubt if Well Ever Ever fix it to where some people talk about their marriage being a perfect marriage a he said. A i done to think that will Ever happen. Psychologists say marriage should be this Way and that Way. 1 just Don t see it happening that Way. 1 see it happening As a Compromise every meanwhile Debbie has found a permanent Lix to one problem. Quot he s got a tube of toothpaste and i be got a tube of 29 1 of a 1 sunday a Page 5
