European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - October 6, 1991, Darmstadt, Hesse Joe Bob goes to the drive in How do you do it lets go to the video tape right you know what Burns my Bacon its when they release the movie to the video store before it Ever plays at the drive in. I was wandering through Eck cd a bait amp video a couple weeks ago and i came across this flick called Playboy s secrets of making love to the same person forever and i went a whoa which person Are they talking about a Zeke did t know diddly squat about it and so i ended up taking it Home thinking it might enhance my performance if you know what i mean and i think you do. Not that in a worried. And it did. It changed my life. In be watched this movie four times now. Its hard to follow because it has this psychiatrist woman with a breathy voice commenting so we moved on to tip no. 2 a putting the spice Back into a routine love i told Wanda this one was Gonna be Tough because what they suggest is you go out to your backyard Pool put suntan lotion on each other and a let the child in you first they want you doing it on the water now they want you doing it in the water. I went to target and got a Pool for $24.95. But while i was blowing it up Wanda decided she did no to want to get romantic in my backyard because both sides of the Pool would be of itching the Concrete Steps on two other trailer houses. I did no to Sec How this mattered a it was t really covered in the video a but fortunately they had a second option. Just Stop somewhere and wrestle around in the backseat of the car. This we could do. other like it s the first time the video says. So i thought hard about what it was like my first time and i did it exactly the same Way. Wanda was furious. We went on to no. 3 a recreating this is a Good one. The video says you should set aside every wednesday night Call each other up and plan a meeting in some strange bar where you pretend like you re strangers. You hire a Man to play the saxophone while you do pickup lines on each other go Home in a Limo and get a Massage from a chinese on the proper Way to do the old Al flagrant aardvarks. But As near As i can Tell there Are six rules for keeping the permanent zip in your Zipper. And ill Tell you about them while describing exactly How they applied to my own life. Problem Numero Uno a when love making has become a time management this reminded me of the time when i called up Wanda Bodine and asked her if she wanted to buy a six pack or go out for dinner. She replied a my life has become one big this was too heavy for me but i knew what she was getting at she had no time to be responsible for the six pack All the time. The video solved this problem. Or. Joy Davidson the Marilyn Monroe soundalike psychiatrist said All we had to do was a plan a Day together a somewhere out in the bionics where we could relax and cat food a that reminds you of your honeymoon trip to i knew they did no to mean us to take that part literally so i bought two giant Mustard pretzels to remind us of a convention i went to in Philadelphia. One thing i need to Point out right Here is that every romantic tip on the video is illustrated by a Playboy playmate with enormous Dingle bombers. So when this lady shrink is saying stuff like a locus closely and a allow All of your senses to flourish and a be Here right now a live in the moment a you re going a yeah move a Little to the left yes in a with you Mechaw a but then when you apply it to real life its never quite the same. For example in the video this particular Section ends with hot sex in a Rowboat. We tried the same thought out at Lake Grapevine and Wanda got cited for a disrupting a Bass also we had to pick three fishing lures out of her butt. Other than that it was pretty exciting. Or Joy Davidson said All we had to do was plan a Day together somewhere out in the boonies whre we could relax and eat food that reminds you of your honeymoon trip to Maui i knew they did t mean that literally so i bought two giant Mustard pretzels to remind us of a convention i went to in Philadelphia lady with Long red fingernails then a Bare yourself this one was great for me. I set it All up. We agreed to act like we were strangers. So when Wanda got there i was using All my Best a a what a your sign a stuff on her a when in walks this Strawberry blonde with a couple of Fuji blimps under her Blouse and so i said a Nice talking to you babe. Ill Call and i picked up the Strawberry blonde and took her Home in the Limo. It was great. After i got out of the Hospital Wanda and i watched the rest of the video. My favorite part was a renewing sensuality and Trust a where you take a Bath Blindfold each other rub a Strawberry All Over the other persons body blow bubbles in their face put an ice cube on Mem tie their hands to the bedpost and paint their legs. Now that i think about it who has t done that i was hoping there would be some Kinky stuff in there. Also they should have pointed this out on the video but it helps if your partner unties the ropes after you re finished. I was in there for 14 hours before Rhett beavers came by and released me. We re talking 34 breasts. Multiple aardvark ing. Rowboat sex. Underwear fun. Suntan Oil fun. Backseat fun. Limo fun. Massage fun. And of course Toulouse Lautrec fun. Drive in Academy award nomination for or. Joy Davidson for saying a you May discover your Romance has Only begun a and for Rhonda Miller who gets a credit on this movie As talk about your dream jobs. Two stars. Joe Bob says Check it out. Joe bobs advice to the hopeless Republican Alert the Latham . Drive in is up for Sale causing Margot Zamboni of Buffalo to Wail ceaselessly through the nights and to Joe Bob Briggs creators Syndicate remind us that without eternal vigilance it could happen Here. Dear Joe Bob in reference to Tim Burns query about that awesome spectacle. Switchblade Sisters also called the Jezebel sometimes it is indeed a real movie relatively anyway. It was made in 1975 and starred Joanne Nail famous action Bohunko Asher Browner and the inimitable Robbie tee As lace Leader of the Jezebel. One question has always haunted me about this flick. Is Robbie scr Tully tie sister of the Brady Bunch brat Mike Lookingland i swear she a a ringer for him. Or maybe it was really Bobby Brady in drag. Debbie Mccampbell Marietta a. Dear Debbie thanks for being Ever vigilant about switchblade Sisters. Evidently 1 was the Only Guy on the planet who had t seen it. As soon As times letter was printed the producers of the film sent me a copy. A review is on the Way. You re asking me for Brady Brunch trivia please. Editor san Francisco chronicles am. Rating to complain about the Joe Bob Briggs column carried in the Pink Section on june 16. And to request that the feature be dropped from the chronicle. Particularly after Reading his Section on the National lesbian conference i am insulted by his homophobic opinions. As a lesbian who attended the conference i was outraged at his attack on lesbians. Has it become acceptable in 1991, for straight White men to referee to lesbians in print As a lesbos Quot and a women who look like men Quot perhaps you allow this column to go to print without Reading it first so you did t catch the last that Joe Bob says he ran into a lesbian called a a mules the he chooses to ignore the fact that at least 90 percent of child molesters Are men mostly heterosexual men. Some May argue that dropping the Joe Bob Briggs feature from your paper is censorship. I argue that by running his column. The chronicle is promoting his Lesh phobic sexist views. I Hope that promoting prejudice is not one of i he chronicles objectives. I realize that Joe Bob Briggs did not really crash the National lesbian conference and that he did not really end up in the Hospital with broken ribs because of it. The whole column was a joke and i know that but in a not amused. Lots of things make me laugh White heterosexual men using their privilege to ridicule lesbians in l one of them. Laura Mccamy san Francisco dear Laura i had to ask somebody what a flesh phobic Quot was. They said it Means Quot fear of you re right. To discuss the meaning of life with Joe Bob expo gel free unto in the mail and his world famous we Are the Wool newsletter write Joe Bob. P o to 2002. Dallas. To 75221. Or la him at 214 368 2310october 6 1991 gunday b Page 17
