European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - December 22, 1991, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Rub our guest abet item on this shopping list the exit Pearl Vanderbilt guest columnist every year in a struck by a special kind of malady that seems to make itself More pronounced during the Christmas holidays. It s called a Cuili tis. Otherwise known to me As procure cum Reluct us. Yes ladies you can shoot me at close Range. Stake my battered body out in the sweltering desert Sun. Rip my fingernails from the flesh and revoke my lifetime membership from the hallowed and sainted sorority of womanhood. But i a at a shopping done to get me wrong. Like most women i enjoy seeing and buying Beautiful things. I also take pleasure in the Opportunity to dress Well. And yes. I freely admit to a lifelong weakness for footwear. But unlike the tendencies of a lot of my comrades i shy away from shopping As a Voca Tion. If i could afford to pay someone to shop for me which i assure you i cannot i would certainly consider it Money Well spent. For most people shopping is fun. 1 regard it As a chore. I Marvel at women who can do figure eights through clothing Racks for hours on end. Some with kids in Tow mind you. Walking religiously in circles. Round and round. Pulling and prodding. Checking prices lags. Price lags sometimes followed by visible frowns and wide eyed gasps of disapproval. I suppose by their standards 1 would be thought of As a dysfunctional shopper. My forays into the sacred kingdom of consumerism Are prone to be Short and Sweet. I see it. 1 like it i buy it. No fuss pain or anguish. In be had friends who could shop without pausing to draw breath. Dragging me and my quickly dimming Fervour from one department store to the next. Yes you can rightly surmise that in be since Learned to select these friends More carefully. On any Given Day. I m Good for two or three hours shopping Lime. Tops. Less if my feet Hurt. A throbbing bunion is Worth 75 Points alone. A headache 25. Together we re talking a person who could do with a real Altitude adjustment. Another shopping deterrent that gets High Marks in my Book you guessed it. Crowds nothing quite makes me beat a Retreat at the door like a milling mass of humanity wading a productively in the aisles. Worse is having to stand in line. In a express Quot which Means a stand till you Sec your great great grandparents wave to you in greeting from that mysterious Gray filter of Light at the end of the  often in be found myself curious about these shop till you drop radicals and wondered about the Gene that god did not see fit to bestow on me. Am i blessed or cursed i Haven to a clue. There have been times in be witnessed my sister in Law and her three daughters pile happily into tire family Chrysler and off to the mall they go. A yes the mall. Now there a a credit card wasteland for you. From morning till night. The word Quot shop a engraved like a fresh cattle Brand 011 their glazed Little eyeballs. In be come to the conclusion that there must be something unnatural and masochistic about reputedly sane people who choose to Bounce in and out of 250 stores. All Day Long. Men have an envious approach to shopping. They possess a kind of Richard robot sense about them that is absolutely uncanny. The object of i heir Purchase acts As a homing device. They get out of their cars go into a store get what they need buy it provided they done to get into the line where their grandparents Are waiting Lor them and they re gone again my husband is this Way. But be for certain our reasons for both hating shopping Are totally unrelated. 1 hate shopping because it s simply too exhausting. My husband hates shopping because he likes keeping his Money right where he last put it. In his Wallet. Pearl Vanderbilt lives in Karlsruhe Germany. Send in your column plus a photo of yourself to be our guest sunday Magazine the stars and stripes Apo 09211 or Postrach 11 14 37, d-6100 Darmstadt 11,  from the cover .4-6 the blues and Rosy times of the Holiday. Andy Rooney. 7 flexing the shoulder. Books and language.8-9 flipping out Over Madonna. Odds amp ends.10 Cindy Chambers hairy Holiday. To plus.11 James Bond on hold. Television listings________12-14 local Cable and satellite schedules. On the air.15 its a wonderful movie. Home entertainment .16 the Best Christmas videos. Joe Bob briggs.17 Linda Blair gives Quot dead sleep a shot. This weeks films ____________18-19 Chuck i Lnch Quot for the boys a a ranks3 stars. Complete cafes circuit listings. Classified ads .20-23 last laugh .24 Dave Burry Forks a or rut dogs. Sunday is a weekly supplement of the stars and stripes editor Bucky Fox Art direction Sharon Kilday Tarrant production Lisa Williams editorial assistance Marian Hamilton Louis Pierce unit a Artisti scan Connery and Claudine Auger in thunderball. T he James Bond series is at intermission. Page 11. Page 2 a sunday december 22, 1991