European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - January 5, 1992, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Joe Bob goes to the drive in Nashville singers join Elvis  on front porch have you even noticed on the Nashville network How All singers live in a 50-year-old wooden House with a broken tricycle in the front Yard and a Rocker on the porch you notice these things when you re sick and you have to watch eight solid hours of Nashville network four or five Days in a Row. In fact in a starting to think that maybe All country and we Stern singers live in the same House. One Day you see Collin Raye standing out in the front Yard full of leaves singing about How he found a letter from his grandpa to his grandma that was written in 1923 and stored in the attic. It says a if you get there before i do done to give up on  the next Day you see Conway Twitty singing about what Elvis  and Jesus All have in common while a Little boy Conway As a child looks through boxes in the attic. Next comes George Jones sitting on the porch and singing about How his mama prayed for him to Stop drinking. And the the Day after that you have Diamond Rio Riding around in big City cabs but or coming about that House a i ainu to forgot How i was raised but in a living Way too fast. And when they show the House in their dream sits got Barefoot children jumping in the sprinkler one of those rotary lawnmowers that takes the strength of 10 men to push and an old fashioned Telephone. Sometimes we get to go inside the House but usually just Long enough to go up in the attic and take some old crumbly newspaper clippings out of a Box or look at All the old pictures on the mantelpiece. Why Are they always in those cheap Gold frames you buy at target and my Point is that after a while this gets rail depressing. All these videos a almost every single one of pm a is shot with an Amber tint like fading photographs and people Are usually dressed up like its the 1930s or 1940s, and when they re not dressed up like that they re wishing they were dressed up like that. We be got one entire to network full of people who can to face 1992. In fact they can to even face 1952. If you were an outer space alien and you landed on Earth and All you could watch was the Nashville network you would think that nobody Ever discovered touch tone phones. I can t see How a rotary dial phone makes life simpler can you or How about automatic washers. All the people in the videos have clotheslines Are there really All these millions of people out there in Hope Marie Carlton is blood match. Nashville network  hinging for the Days when they had to go outside and hang up wet Cotton shirts on a w ire and in at least half of pm people still have dirt roads out in front of their House. 1 Don t know about the other states but Texas finished building paved farm to Market roads in the Early bos. And it made the Farmers damned Happy. Another thing that always blows me away is How this network has a commercial for Asti spa manic every five minutes. No Beer ads. Just Asti spa manic. Now excuse me if in be forgotten All this since High school but Isnit Asti spa manic that stuff that tastes like gatorade fizz that a been strained through a polyester pants suit maybe if these people would Stop drinking Asti spa manic their head would Clear up enough to bring them into the late �?T70s. Speaking of repeated Sharp blows to the head blood match is the movie that Marks the return erf Hope Marie Carlton cd Playboy playmate who Rose to Fame As an undercover Cia agent with exposed Hooters in Hurd ticket to Hawaii and Savage Beach and More recently starred in the California Bikini girl video. This role is a real stretch for her a she a a kickboxing executive forced to either Kung fun her sex Boyfriend to death in the Las vegas Arena or else get killed herself. The plot of the whole movie is a trick so i wont Tell you too much about it except to say that it stars Thom Mathews As a Guy who a torturing kick boxers in the desert kidnapped karate fighters from the ghetto and generally rounding up a Bunch of Kung fun masters so he can tape them to chairs in Las vegas and Force them to fight him to the death. Why Well in a not too sure because Thom mumbles a lot in the flick but it has something to do with some crooked fights five years before and it ruined his brother a life and blah blah blah. About an hour of the movie is this brutal blood spewing Kung fun actions and most of the stunts Are pretty decent but its still probably the weakest movie Ever made by Albert Pyun Best known for Down twisted and dangerously close who used i # to be the King of dark taped to a chair in n misty Slac nine dead bodies. Two breasts. Desert staking. Stomach stabbing. Back busting. Forehead rope burning. Neck breaking. Multiple Kung fun. Karate. Tae Wando. Bimbo fun. Ghetto fun one of those scenes where a Guy is attacked by four goons with machine guns and he kicks the guns out of their hands and fights them for 10 minutes but none of them Ever remembers to pick up his gun off the ground. Two stars. Joe Bob says Check it  bobs advice to the hopeless dear Joe Bob please give me some advice i have a Good Friend that in a jealous of. What should i do 1. Tell her about it and work it out. 2. Suffer in silence or. 3. Nothing. In a not going to ruin our Beautiful Friendship Job Bob Briggs creators Syndicate for something As minor As jealousy. So what should i do sincerely. Very confused person Richmond. A dear very confused Are Vou jealous of her looks her Boyfriend Sci Talent her dedication or her friends i need this information because each situation requires a different Type of spiteful  Joe Bob i am writing you lot several reasons. First accolades to Steve Elliot Brave cd lot of the California state stanislaus signal lie successfully stood up to a reactionary feminist onslaught and continues to run Quot Joe Bob goes to the drive in Quot every week. Victory second Why did you change the punch line in a a the nineties get ugly Quot column a Richard Sim Muns get real the version featured in the stg Nal a few weeks earlier was much funnier with Roseanne Barr As the a butt of the joke. Did she threaten to sit on you i Lis Joe Bob bowed to censorship the woman is the definitive Quot one in not an absolute Zero. Say it ainu to so Joe Bob. Keep up the Good work. Robett ook Tut lock Ali Idear Robert you re right. I changed that punch line in the a nineties Jet ugly column three times. I used one version in the syndicated column another version on the movie Channel and yet another version in the newsletter. Sometimes people think there a a conspiracy going on when 1 do that. The truth is a lot simpler 1 keep changing in because in a convinced the joke , Joe Bob i just realized that not a single movie that you have discussed in your column or that you have shown on the movie channels drive in theater except for the Hulk Hogan movie which you obviously were forced at gunpoint to show can be found in my state of the Art Leonard malting a i v movie video guide /99/  Leonard says in the Forward of the Book that he does no to want the Book to get too Large Anil unwieldy so he deliberately leaves out what he considers unworthy Quot a Quot movies. Apparently All drive m movies Aie considered unworthy by or. Mallm in a not Suic if drive in fans should consider tins a compliment or an insult on Leonard s part. J r. Bombs f Landsburg Ovdear . If Leonard Mallm would Pul the Glass Back m his glasses he might realize that the no. I Box office movie of 1991 was terminator 2 the sequel to a drive in movie there ate Moie of us than there Are of him. Creators Syndicate inc january 5 1992 sunday a Page