European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - January 5, 1992, Darmstadt, Hesse Out of control Zebra mussels attack Large Bra Dave Barry i had hoped Thal we could get the new year under Way without any reports of ecologically dangerous shellfish attacking women s undergarments hut i see now that i was a fool. 1 have Here an alarming news article written he c Fri Stypher Taylor of the Watertown . Daily times and sent in he several Alert readers. The headline which i am not making up. Says Colony of mussels found clinging to big in ease you Haven t heard the Char Mussel is a hot new environmental threat. Forget the killer Hees. Of sure they got a lot of scary headlines a killer bees sighted in Mexico Quot a killer bees sighted in Texas Quot a killer bees become Amway distributors a hut they never lived up to their potential. Whereas at this very moment the Char Mussel is raging out of control in the Ireal l Akes Region. Well of maybe Quot raging Quot is a Strong term. Asa Rule mussels Don t rage. You lately hear swimmers being advised Quot if you see a Mussel try to remain Calm and whatever von do done to pro vol nevertheless we have reason to fear the Ebia Mussel which gels it name from the fact that in Loams the Plains of Africa in giant herds. No seriously m gets its name from the fact Hal it has a striped Shell which grows to about an Inch Long. About live Vears ago a group of Char mussels possibly carrying forged passports came from fur pc to the great fakes in the Bilge water of a european ship and they be been reproducing like Era a Ever since. They Are the sex maniacs of the sea. Here a a quote from an August ill Washington Post article each female can produce 3 1, 100 eggs a Vear. Leading to huge colonies of billions of inc animals clinging to every available surface. Recently Marine biologists have discovered concentrations reaching 700,000 mussels a cubic Vard. Quot so apparently spaying them on an individual basis is out of the question. But something has to be done because Zebra mussels Are clogging up water Supply pipes and they re spreading fast. Controlling them could Cost billions of dollars a Money that will have to come out of the pockets of the Seu Halls who wrecked the savings and Inan Industry. No that was another joke the Money will of course come from lowlife taxpayers such As yourself. Which is Why you need to stay informed about this store especially the giant brassiere Angle. Here Are the key quotes from the Watertown daily l Imes Story Quot a Large brassiere pulled from the Waters near the Genesee River at Rochester was carrying the largest Colony of Zebra mussels found so far in fake Ontario. Quot the brassiere a and the mussels a Are now under observation at the department of environmental conservation fisheries research station at Cape Vincent. Quot dec supervisory aquatic biologist Gerard c. Be i Endre said the Bra was scooped up while dec staff were trawling for dead Lake Trout near the Genesee River. Because of the Sie of the garment. Or. Etc More said More than i i mussels had managed to attach themselves to it. A a whoever that Bra belonged to was of Large a proportions or i it cadre said. It was Quot this episode raises a number of troubling questions including a they were trawling for dead to it h it a a is that spoiling a could in possibly be that the Zebra mussels have become carnivorous and ate the original Bra occupant Henniger Strausberg Germany Noki dim 1 original names of Rock groups 1. Chicago a big thing 2. The four tops a the four Aims 3. Genesis Garden Wall 4. The Byrds Jet set 5. Blondie a Angel and the snakes 6. The commodores a the mystics source work features synd he the longest wars 1. Crusades 195 years 2. Hundred years War 115 years 3. Fhy dirty years War 30 years 4 War of the roses 30 years 5. Peloponnesian War 27 years 6. First punic War 23 years soiling of a ans amp s coils in. A sunday january 5 uhf i i11 a a a has anybody seen Dolly Pat ton in person recently in an Effort to get to the Bottom til this i called the re search station and grilled Gerard . A is it True Quot i said a Plhal you have a Large brassiere under observation Quot Quot it s really just in a Box in my office a he said a the newspaper made it sound like we have it in an he also said they still done to know who owns the Bra. Quot we know it s a four Hook he said. A but it did t belong to a Large person. It was just a very Well endowed he said that Many people have offered suggestions about what to do with the Bra including a holding a Cinderella to pc contest to see who it for now. However he mystery remains unsolved. Meanwhile the Zebra mussels continue to multiply. Even As you read these words a huge Colony of them could he clustering ominously around a Sears Catalon that fell overboard nudging it open to the formulation Gai a cols Section. It is a chilling thought a nil until the authorities come up with a plan of action 1 am urging everybody to Lake the sensible precaution of developing a nervous facial tie. Also if you must Wear a brassiere please Wear it on the outside where the department of environmental conservation can keep an Eye on it. Thank Vou. The Miami Herald Quot he wants to bring the
