European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - January 12, 1992, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Odds amp ends miss  Judith Martin dear miss manners mrs. A who is one of my Best friends was hostess at an informal dinner at which an awkward social situation arose. A few years ago mrs. C and i were involved in a romantic relationship that failed but left us very Good friends. Recently she married and her new husband has become a Good acquaintance of mine. The Young woman i was escorting to this party also knows the situation. There were a number of guests who knew nothing of this past history. Mrs. C and i were swapping tales of past misadventures giving no indication of our past intimacies. We were All laughing Over one Story when a guest asked How we knew each other. The highly amusing Story of How we met through a club was what some of the a a informed people expected. Instead mrs. C blurted out Quot we were  1 Felt like crawling away hopefully unnoticed. An uncomfortable silence followed and several guests proceeded to stare at my Date. I know that statement was wrong for mrs. C to make but 1 am asking How to handle it. Gentle Reader wrong it is a Nightmare. If mrs. C does not understand the Basic Rule governing past intimacies a that secrets Are to be released Only with the consent of both parties a surely the Rule against embarrassing ones guests should have stopped her. She sacrificed your feelings those of the lady with you and probably those of other guests. That every party contains some people who consider their evening made by such goings on does not Lessen her guilt mrs. Cos apologizing and swearing never to do it again should be a condition of your continuing Friendship. In fact the apology called for needs to be in the highest or one might say the lowest category a groveling. She should claim to have been temporarily out of her mind As a result of anxiety Over whether the salad leaves had wilted. As for handling a Surprise burst of indiscretion. Miss manners suggests some smoothly ambiguous statement like a ooh for heavens Sake Darling people will Lake you  should mrs. C not take the Cue to Back Down but recklessly persist by saying a it was serious a you would be justified in replying gently a really i had no idea a before suggesting that the company might wish to talk about something else. Dear miss manners i have always Felt that being asked to write a letter of recommendation is an Honor. If i have the slightest hesitation or question about what to write i express my appreciation at being asked but respectfully decline. During the last few months i have provided some 20 letters of reference several on behalf of two particular people with copies sent to them As a Courtesy. The positions they arc seeking arc at the senior executive level. In a number of cases the employer has called to indicate what a particularly outstanding letter i sent. Is it reasonable to expect thanks from the people i wrote these letters for a letter of recommendation or reference is Given freely and willingly so is it Correct to expect thanks it seems so to me. Although i recall being taught that a gift offered with the expectation of something in return was never a gift at All i was brought up to say thank you and to write notes. I wonder if a part of the decline in business behaviour and standards is related to what feels like a loss of a very fundamental social Grace. Gentle Reader please Stop repeating the old saw about the meanness of expecting to be thanked. Miss manners assures you that this idea has made no Small contribution to the very problem of which you complain. Without cunningly plotting to put someone else in ones debt through feigned generosity a kind person could imagine that a Lack of demonstrated appreciation Springs from a True Lack of appreciation. That is Why miss manners advises those whose presents Are greeted with silence to Stop giving what is apparently not wanted. U ruled feature syndic Tell k s on a Capricorn dec 21-Jan. 19 expect a metamorphosis in your life this week the spotlight is on change aquarius Jan. 20-feb 18 during this period of hibernation enjoy going within. Listen to music and appreciate Beautiful things. Pisces feb. 19-March 20 at a convention or club gathering you meet people who Are willing to help you grow Aries March 21-april 19 recognize your limitations in your career and be prepared to alter your course. Resistance brings destruction. Taurus april 20-May 20 in your search for meaning you expand and stretch your consciousness to include new ideas gemini May 21-june 20 you have a deep seated urge to Bond with someone special make sure they Are worthy cancer june 21-july 22. Relationships Are on the top of your Agenda something needs of be settled keep your balance Leo july 23-aug. 22 spend some time getting organized for future action. A big Challenge is in the wings Virgo aug 23-sept. 22 this week s emphasis is on recreation and Romance let your Loving creative juices flow. Libra sept 23-oct 22 you Are at a major turning Point be Happy. It goes Uphill from Here Scorpio oct 23-nov. 21 an Opportunity comes up for you to learn something new so what Are you waiting for7 Sagittarius nov 22-dec 20 look around you to discover your True abundance you Are Rich in Many ways Copley news Sei Victov talk shows interviews getting Way out of hand a couple of years ago 1 predicted this country would go through a a talk  there would be More talk shows than there would be guests to support them. Hosts would roam aimlessly through the streets of America with microphones in their hands begging. A do you have a sordid Story to Tell what about an old sordid Story that bears repeating perhaps a it has come to pass. After years of interviewing people who Are into Kinky sex kids who belong to dysfunctional families and the Rich and famous who want to confess to something talk show hosts began interviewing one another. Geraldo interviewed Phil Jane garnered Oprah Jay talked with David Robin guested on Sally Jessy and Barbara chatted with Arsenio. Katharine Hepburn talked with Phil Donahue the founding father of talk to in her living room for More than an hour before asking a who Are you a the Impact of the talk recession really hit me at 8 30 . A few weeks ago. It was on a tuesday i was on a Treadmill watching a Small to screen when a morning show Host announced that the next segment would feature an interview with a thing a the hand that lived in a Box in the Home of the Addams family. A network television 1 lost was interviewing a hand. I was mesmerized. What do you ask five fingers a How Many hands did you have to shake to get the Job did you get the part a hands Down do you fear being known As just another pretty hand Quot actually the Host did a Good Job with the subject. The hand did a lot better than most people i be seen being interviewed. It was direct did no to walk off the set when hard questions were asked and did no to cry when the interviewer got personal. Talk show hosts Are in denial. They done to like to use the a a re word. It panics a lot of people. They contend that there arc still guests out there with stories yet to be told. They Point with Pride to two future bookings a 90-year-old porn Queen with an eating disorder who has just made an exercise video and an entrepreneur who is running weekend sexual excursions on spaceships. Of that a two i for one Hope the talk shows do find a new vein of guests to uncover. If they done to we will have to turn the programming Over to the government. It will Supply the talkers. After All this is an election year. The talking hand sounds better All the Lime. Universal press Syndicate Page 10 a sunday january 12,1992