European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - January 12, 1992, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Suffering through sonic gloom of women a chatter Dave Barry in a in an air plane strapped into my seat no Way to escape. For an hour we be been taxiing around Miami International Airport while lightning tries to hit us. Earlier i was hoping that the plane might at some Point actually take off and Fly to our intended destination hut now i m starting to Root for the lightning because a direct strike might silence the two women sitting in front of me. There s Only one empty seat Between them but they re speaking at a Decibel level that would be appropriate if one of them were in Cleveland. Also they both have Lili sherers disease which occurs when there is no filter attached to the brain so that every thought the victim has no matter How minor comes blurting right out. This Means that the rest of us passengers Are being treated to repartee such As this first woman i prefer a window seat. Second woman Oil not me. I always prefer an aisle seat. First woman that a just like my son. He. Lives in new Jersey and he always prefers an aisle seat also. Second woman my sister in Law works for a dentist in new Jersey. He san excellent dentist but he cant pronounce his r s. He says Quot i m afraid you need a woot  first woman my brother in Law just 11 and that Root canal. He was bleeding All Over his new car one of the japanese ones. A we Laddyna called  laugh second woman i prefer a bu1ck, but let me Tell you this insurance. Who can afford it first woman i have a brother in the insurance business with angina. He prefers a window seat. Second woman of not me. I always prefer an aisle. Now my daughter and so it has gone for one solid hour a live broadcast of random Neutral firings. The harder i try to ignore it the More my brain focuses on it. But it could be worse. I could be the flight attendant. Every time she walks past the two women they both shout a miss a it s an uncontrollable reflex. A miss a they Are shouting. A can we get a beverage Here a this is maybe the fifth time they have asked this. A a in a sorry a says the flight attendant with incredible patience. A we can t serve any beverages until after we take  this answer never satisfies the women who do not seem to be fully aware of the fact that the plane is still on the ground. They be decided that the flight attendant has a bad attitude. As she moves away they discuss this in what they apparently believe is a whisper. A a she a very rude a they say their voices booming through the Cabin possibly audible in other planes. Quot they should fire  a yes they  a a there a supposed to be a beverage  a miss a its a Good thing for society in general that in a not a flight attendant because i would definitely kill somebody no later than my second Day. Recently i sat on a bumpy crowded flight and watched a 40-ish flight attendant both arms occupied with a Large stack of used dinner trays struggling Down the aisle trying to maintain her balance and a Young Man held out his Coffee cup blocking her path and in a loud irritated voice said quote a Hon can i get a refill like maybe today a Hon. She smiled a not with her eyes a and said a a in la be with you As soon As 1 can . Of id be with him soon All right. Id come up behind him and strangle him with the movie Headphone Cord. A is that tight enough for you sir Quot would be the last words head Ever hear. Then i d become a legendary outlaw flight attn a amps Sharon Kilday Tarrant Dant. Id hide in the overhead Luggage compartment and watch for problems such As people flying with Small children and making no Effort to control them people who think its cute when their children shriek and pour salad dressing onto other passengers. When this happened bang the Luggage compartment would burst open and out would leap the avenging flight attendant of doom his secret identity concealed by a mask made from a Barf bag with holes in it. Head snatch the child and say to the parents very politely a a in a sorry but Faa regulations require me to have this child raised by somebody More civilized such As  if they tried to Stop him head pin them in their scats with dense 200-Pound airline ome lets. Insane yes in a insane and you would be too if you were listening to these two women. Quot miss a they Are saying a a it a too hot in  a can we get some beverage service a a miss a and now the Pilot is making an announcement. A Well folks a is How he starts. This is a bad sign. They always Start with a Well folks Quot when they re going to announce something bad As in Quot Well folks if we dump the fuel we might be Able to Glide As far As the  this time the Pilot announces that a i swear i am not making this up a lightning has struck the control Tower. A we could be sitting Here for some time Quot he says. A miss a say the women in front of me. No problem. I can handle it. Ill just slay Calm reach into the scat pocket very slowly pull out the Headphone Cord. The Miami Horald s it to a e 5 e 8 5 o amp a. 3no kidding Haramija kor Tomca Croatia world a most recognized Brand names 1. Coca cola 2. Mcdonald s 3. Pepsi cola 4. Sony 5. Kodak 6. Toyota7. Nestle 8. Disney 9. Honda 10. Ford source Landor associates Kostas Athens Greece Page 24 sunday january 12. 1992 copyright a 1992, cartoonists amp writers Syndicate