European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - January 19, 1992, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Odds amp ends. R., amiss m in a Judith Martin dear miss manners i am employed by a Law firm of about 14 people. It seems As though every month we celebrate someone a birthday and every time it comes to lighting the candles and singing Happy birthday there is an altercation about the proper procedure. Do you Light the candles on the cake sing Happy birthday and have the person make a wish and blow out the candles or do you Light the candles have the person make a wish and blow them out and then sing Happy birthday please help us resolve this Issue so we can enjoy our birthday celebrations without a feud. Gentle Reader do some people in your office happen to enjoy argument for its own Sake miss manners is willing to Settle this for you but on the understanding that you not then ask whether candles can represent decades As Well As years who gets to eat the icing Rose and so on. The first procedure you describe is the Standard. Miss manners has no objection if you then want another round of Happy birthday but the moment after the extinguishing of the candles is usually filled by half the people asking Quot what did you wish a a and the other half saying Quot done to Tell if you do it won t come  dear miss manners is there any gracious Way to prevent people from assuming that my Boyfriend and i sleep together one of my few successes followed my introduction to a priest As Quot a s  the priest joked about Quot wife and a a Girlfriend being the same nowadays but when i mumbled a not really Quot and blushed he was gracious enough to Blush an apology for his mistaken Assumption. Others have been less willing to p try with their assumptions. Human nature seems to favor jumping to conclusions and to resist correction. I suppose the problem is theirs not mine but their assumptions leave me uncomfortable. I have no desire to judge others who believe differently but i highly value marriage As a unique and special commitment of intimacy and Trust which is Well Worth abstinence in the meantime and 1 want to be Clear witness to my values. Statements such As a my Boyfriend and i do not have Intercourse or Quot we re saving ourselves for marriage seem preachy but this is such an apparently revolutionary concept that any less direct attempts arc futile. Gentle Reader you were insulted in Church by a priest who thinks it funny to assume that what he once called a living in sin a is now the Standard of his congregation where arc miss manners smelling salts miss manners trusts that this incident will have plunged the priest into some serious soul searching about Why he has turned what May have started As tolerance of human weakness into abandonment of higher standards. Personally she has always been wary of clergy who use the word a a nowadays too often. Aren t they supposed to recognize a Force even More August than peer pressure a blushing is hardly a sufficient apology for an unwarranted attack on the Honor of a lady by a priest or anyone else. But miss manners understands that while you wish to reject these assumptions you do not want to preach to others. There is a non arrogant Way of looking shocked which is what miss manners presumes you did naturally in the encounter you described. A ooh no we re not married Quot is the proper reply to the question of whether you and your Boyfriend live together. Should anyone rudely claim that most couples do you need Only remark a really a with no question Mark at the end. This says that one need not be naive not to take advantage of the lax standards of others. United feature Syndicate k k s in s Capricorn dec 21-Jan 19 develop a life outside of your relationship to keep the Union interesting and exciting. Aquarius Jan 20-feb 18 the results from a checkup reveal what is wrong now you can Start on the cure Pisces feb 19-match 20 childrens Frankish behaviour will bring you to a new awareness of their creativity Aries March 21-april 19 problems with real estate or conflicts at Home need to be resolved handle them with care Taurus april 20-May 20 be prepared to defend your opinions with the proper documentation further research May be necessary gemini May 21-june 20 the source of your financial discomfort is uncovered now you can review and revise your budget cancer june 21-july 22 your ego is challenged when you discover parts of yourself that you did not know existed Leo july 23-aug 22 an emotional crisis takes you to the Depths of your being just cry it out Virgo aug. 23-sept 22 friends can be a major source of disappointment it May be time to Cut some ties Libra sept 23-oct 22 the week will culminate with your coming to terms with a Superior work toward that goal Scorpio oct 23-nov 21 minor difficulties can arise while travelling take extra precautions to avoid inconvenience Sagittarius nov 22-dec 20 unexpected Bills arrive and throw a wrench in your discretionary funds Copley news service after that hot workout ready for Home sweat Home Cindy Chambers for Christmas my husband got me a Waffle Iron two cookie sheets a pasta maker and a Cookbook called fattening foods from around the world. I was beginning to wonder How my Christmas list had gotten mixed up with chef Boyar deep a when i unwrapped my husbands last gift to me. It was Cher a new exercise video. Its a common male fantasy a woman is supposed to Cook like Julia child but look like Julia Roberts. And its a completely harmless fantasy unless you actually try to live up to it. Then like me you re liable to wind up in. Aerobics hell. About two years ago i was invited to join an aerobics group made up of women with the same ridiculous expectation body Wise. They met on the fourth floor of the apartment building across the Street. What a workout i was flushed panting and dripping with sweat within minutes. And that was just from climbing the stairs. Pam the cheerful instructor encouraged me to make up in enthusiasm what i lacked in even the most Basic coordination. So for what seemed like hours i tried desperately to keep up with the group As they whirled usually to face me kicked lunged bounced and ripped major muscle groups. A now clap a Pam called. And a Good a she said not realizing that the sound she heard was the noise of my thighs slapping together. Suddenly a time to Check our pulse rates a she called out jerkily. Jogging in place i grabbed my wrist and searched frantically for some kind of beat. Within moments i discovered that technically i was still alive. However the temperature in the room had risen to approximately 500 degrees and All the air had mysteriously been sucked out of it. I began to look suspiciously at the oxygen thieves jogging along beside me. When it was time for the Cool Down i curled up into a fetal position and whimpered. They had to carry me Home. From now on thanks to Cher ill be committing aerobic de in the privacy of my Home. I understand that the older a person gets the longer it takes to feel the stiffness that often follows strenuous exercise. So at my age it la be at least three months before it really hits me. That should give me plenty of time to rent a wheelchair and hire a full time caretaker. And i wont have to Cook for a while either. Clap. Clap. Cindy Chambers la a military family member in Schweinfurt  10 a sunday january 19, 1992