European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - January 19, 1992, Darmstadt, Hesse Joe Bob goes to the drive Intima to rip pick of Turner As Man of the year w Ait a minute am i hallucinating did somebody Spike the Cor Ona is that a picture of Ted a the colonizer Quot Turner furrowing his brow like a serial killer on the cover of time Magazine did 1 really see this do i Sec the words a Man of the year Quot Over this Many a face i bet Boris Yeltsin is really hacked off excuse me while i go get some excedrin . And pass out for three Days. Of of of ill give it a Chance. Lets see what time is getting at Here. First of All they say that Ted is a a visionary Quot who has a a passionate sense of what is eternal in human nature and also of what is coming but As yet unseen just Over the i guess ill have to pass up this part because i done to know what the Heck it Means. 1 think it Means a a Guy who bought a Bunch of to stations and movie companies and started broadcasting on satellite so he could get really then the article pretty much goes Over All the breaking news stories of 1991 that can did better than anybody else a like. 1. Desert storm this was very entertaining especially when Crnic Shaw was cowering in his hotel room. Remember the picture of the smiling Bernie and the scratchy Telephone signal As Bernie screamed a there Are More missiles right outside the windows another highlight for me was when can proudly reported on the can plane that was standing by in Amman Jordan to bring Back any reporter who got freaked out by the War a on the same Day that 500,000 refugees were trying to get out but and were sometimes giving up All their worldly possessions just to arrive in Amman Jordan. 2. The soviet coup also very memorable coverage because As soon As it happened All the can commentators immediately started talking like Gorbachev was dead glasnost was dead perestroika was dead a and when the coup failed in two Days they were amazed. So we were amazed too because we assumed they knew what they were talking about that s Why the whole thing was so amazing. I saw the bbl coverage of the coup. First of All they had interviews with soviet leaders six months before the coup predicting the coup. Then they were Quick to say the coup had Little popular support and questionable support from the military. In other words they were talking to people in Moscow Tor a year before the thing happened. Nothing about their coverage was amazing. 3. Anita Hill court to did it better. 4. Willie Smith court to did it a lot better. F. Lee Bailey of court to was the most entertain ing to commentator i be seen in years. Did you see that that tight Little red As a beet face about to explode every time he had to say the words a Moira Lasch Quot he was great. I thought he was Gonna kill her. But anyhow the main time article about our Man of the year is All about How. Lithium made it possible. In a not kidding. It goes into How. If it weren to for Lithium. Ted would probably kill himself or drink himself to death or a worst of All a insult his sex wives. You have to read this thing to believe it. And. Actually. In a starting to worry about the Guy now. Because at the end of the article it goes into How Jane Fonda is Quot the right woman at now that a scary. In a really worried about the Guy. I know it might sound Lar etched but. I think she a hiding his medication. Speaking of genetic engineering gone awry. The unborn is the finest killer baby movie since the one that started it All the 1974 classic it s alive. A a there a Only one thing wrong with the Johnson baby a its alive a a this time Brooke Adams and Jeff Hayenga show up at one of those a Plant one in me Quot baby making clinics run by the Placid or. Meyer Ling James Karen. But this lady is so hot to Domino before her biological clock sounds its final alarm that she ignores All the warning signs a like the doctor promising �?o100 percent Success a and like the fact that her fetus can draw Geometric shapes on her stomach for fun. It turns out that Brookes sneaky husband allowed or. Meyer Ling to Quot juice up Quot the Little sperm injection with baby protein steroids. The result is that All these women Are out there with miniature Hulk hogans ripping apart their intestines. The lesbian couples love it the pro lifers will like this part of the Story. After Brooke finds out she decides to have an illegal abortion a and the Little monster survives. And boy is he hacked off now. Seventeen dead bodies. One breast. Aardvark ing in a rocking chair. Closeups of one of those three foot Long Needles going in. Whoa bathroom wrecking. One motor vehicle crash. Suicide with Butcher knife. Cat mutilation. Lesbian bashing literally a with a claw Hammer. Mutant nursing. Spike through the forehead. Gratuitous midget. Alpha wave biofeedback fun. Lisbo fun. Mood elevator fun. Fetus fun. Drive in Academy award nominations for Kathy Griffin As the lesbian natural childbirth teacher who wants All women to be a untainted by the male perspective Quot James Karen As the genetic engineering doctor who requests sperm samples by saying Quot i Hope you re in the mood and calms patients by saying Quot rupture of the Navel is common during pregnancy Adams As the woman with a monster in her womb for saying Quot what if the baby turns out like me Quot and Quot go ahead a Tell me in a glowing Rick Dean As the sle Zeball abortionist for saying Quot Candy Apple time Quot Henry Dominic the writer for knowing his killer babies and my buddy Rodman Flender the director for making a great flick his very first time out. Four stars. Joe Bob says Check it out Brooke Adams ugly pregnancy in the unborn. Joe Bob Briggs creators Syndicate Joe bobs advice to the hopeless bureaucrat Alert Darryl Stephens assistant baseball coach at Butte College and the Man who made the heroic Effort to save the screen of the starlite drive in in Chico calif., has been frustrated by subversive elements on the College Board of trustees. They claim that the famous starlite screen will be an eyesore if its put up be Hind the Centerfield Fence like Stephens plans. He a still trying but Michael Cowan of Oroville and parties Dowd of Chico remind us that without eternal vigilance it can happen Here. Dear Joe Bob missed your act when i lived in san Francisco. Now in a stuck in this one horse town with no entertainment but Wishin i could see an re eng with Joe Bob Briggs. The evening and . Papers a the Herald urinal and the sub Standard a have banned your column so 1 have nowhere to get critiques of the finest in Avant Garde drive in viewing. In fact they be shut Down two drive ins Here Mike Deangelo Syracuse . Dear Mike an likening with Joe it it a Briggs also known As Joe Bob dead in concert no longer exists because i got tired of saying the same thing every night. So in a working on an All new show that ill have ready round about next summer. Predate your asking. Dear Joe Bob i was recently at the defunct twin cities drive in in Centralia wash., it closed at least live years ago scouting out the ruins. I found that All the car speakers that Hadnot been ripped off yet were still attached to their poles so i took a screwdriver and removed about 20 of them. They All worked Fine after i removed the Wasp nest so i hooked them up in sequence and now use them As my Home stereo sound system. It s like listening to a Nice car radio Only in super dec phonic surround sound. You might suggest this to your readers since the speakers would otherwise simply rot away and be of no use to anyone. Mike Davis Quot Richardson Texas dear Mike you were Lucky to find 20 of those mothers. Whenever a drive in closes Down a lot of people take the speakers As souvenirs because they think a this might be Worth something someday its sort of like the newspapers everyone has from the Day Kennedy got shot. I hey would be Worth something today except that a cry body kept them and so they re Willi Zero. Same thing with drive in speakers. Thousands of people own one of them. To discuss the meaning of rite with Joe Bol it of to jut tree Unk in the mail and his world famous we a a the Suud no Slutter Wonlu Joe Bod Briggs. P o to 2002. Dallas. To 7221 Joe vol s la line is always open 214 308 2310january 19 1992 Sun uhf a Page
