European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - February 9, 1992, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Odds amp ends miss m Judith Martin dear miss manners my wife and i recently separated. She said that she was unhappy and needed her  she moved into an apartment with her daughter from a previous marriage and our daughter. We have been very civil to each other throughout this whole matter. As it turns out she has an out of state Boyfriend who financed the whole move. I know what i would like to do but i  want to do the wrong thing in front of the children. I also done to want to give the impression that i am satisfied with the situation. Gentle Reader of yes you do. Not Only is that the proper thing to do and one that will not be offensive in front of the children but it is the Only attitude that will truly give you satisfaction. Allow miss manners to explain. Any nastiness you exhibit will be attributed by everyone who witnesses it to your devastation at losing your wife. That can Only add to the Triumph of the Man who spirited her away from you a surely not the effect you Hope to achieve. However if you Greet him not Only politely but also enthusiastically you will Plant the idea that he has done you a favor. He is bound to do so. Dear miss manners to Settle an argument when one is speaking of a deceased spouse How does one refer to him gentle Reader. When it is absolutely necessary to establish that ones spouse is deceased a As with a new acquaintance who might invite the spouse to dinner otherwise a one ordinarily says a my later husband or wife. So miss manners has been trying to divine the nature of the argument. Does someone think it is misleading a that a my late husband might be interpreted As indicating that he is tardy or that it is too delicate and a Frank a my dead husband would be better dear miss manners what do you think of dinner guests who criticize the food they Are served i spent an entire Day preparing a five course meal and did not receive any compliments or thanks. In fact they left in the Middle of the meal after they overheard me telling my husband in the Kitchen that i was getting upset Over their insulting comments. I was taught that you always say a thank you and compliment anyone who is gracious enough to invite you into their Home for a meal no matter what is served. I was also taught that you should take the Host a Small gift such As wine Flowers or Candy As a Token of your appreciation. These people have eaten at our Home several times and have never brought me anything or sent a thank you note. Gentle Reader what you describe a guests insulting the hosts in the dining room and the hosts insulting the guests Sotto Voce in the Kitchen a sounds like a social Nightmare a screenplay or both. In neither Case does it seem to miss manners quite fair that you do not Supply her with the essential details. Were your friends insulting you by actually making disparaging comments about the dinner you offered them or by not offering thanks and compliments Between bites were you overheard to complain about their failure to bring presents did they behave this Way before or has the situation been building slowly to the Point where they sit around the table saying what a Lousy meal they re eating and you broadcast from the Kitchen your desire that they would shut up and go Home if they have never before thanked you Why do you keep inviting them Back in any Case you wont have to worry about that now. Miss manners declares this a social disaster area and suggests you Start again with a new set of friends and a soundproof Kitchen door. Dear miss manners my husband and i live in a modest older Home. Whenever one of his Sisters comes to visit she freely criticizes our Home comparing it with her new lavish residence in another part of town. On her last visit she said a this is such a Little House. Its hard to believe people actually live in such tiny  i was so stunned by her remark that i could not think of a reply. I  decide if she was just ignorant or if she was deliberately trying to Hurt me. Whatever her intent i was Hurt and angry. What should i say to prevent such comments in the future gentle Reader miss manners recommends not wasting time on imagining a motive for such awful remarks. Rather she would suggest that you produce a sweetly pitying smile and such kindly words As a yet Little houses can be full of happiness As ours is. Perhaps that a Why we have never found it hard to believe that people would want to visit us in our Little  United feature Syndicate i k k is aquarius Jan. 20-feb. 18 if your life has been like a magic carpet ride hold on. It has not yet landed. Pisces feb. 19-March 20 sometimes it is necessary to love and serve selflessly and expect nothing in return. Aries March 21-april 19 expect to encounter people who will assist you mentally and support your career goals. Taurus april 20-May 20 while your spirit is soaring with grandiose dreams your mind is focused on More practical details. Gemini May 21-june 20 be careful not to be misled about How profitable an investment can be. Cancer june 21-july 22 you look great and at ease on the  of your partner in a social setting. Leo july 23-aug. 22 invest in Art or other tangible goods that can appreciate in time Virgo aug. 23-sept. 22 you Are so Happy in your current relationship that you cannot be tempted to stray. Right Libra sept. 23-oct. 22 if your Home life is Dull get out and stir up excitement. Have fun. Scorpio oct. 23-nov. 21 take control of your life and direct your Energy in a powerful yet positive Way. Sagittarius nov. 22-dec. 20 your strength lies in your ability to Analyse data and Prosper As a result. Capricorn dec. 21-Jan. 19 the time is right for a Short vacation. Stop worrying about How much it costs. Copley news service movers pose major drawback during draw Down Cindy Chambers the european draw Down. Its an emotional Issue one that brings tears to the eyes of even the most hardened combat Veteran. That a because he knows better than anyone that in 50 years of . Military occupation no one has Ever returned to the states without encountering a major foul up. Yet for you a the military family living abroad a there a no experience More moving than a trip Back Home. The moment you receive your orders a Complex but unseen Chain of events is set in motion. Its an intricate system involving pinpoint timing and the superhuman efforts of hundreds of skilled transportation specialists around the Globe. Working together these trained and caring technicians ensure that your household goods arrive at their destination exactly sue weeks after you have Given up Hope of Ever seeing them again. Of course by a destination a i done to necessarily mean to imply a your  household goods headed for the United states Are As Likely to end up in Wiesbaden As they Are in Waukegan. The trained technician most Likely responsible to be responsible for this is the person fondly referred to As your a moving  representing the Best the Industry has to offer he weighs approximately 300 pounds has never heard of deodorant and sports a Tattoo saying a complain and ill kill  he travels in packs. Little wonder you re just a trifle hesitant when it comes to reminding him of your special packing needs. But you  be intimidated by this Burly giant who is probably heavily armed. After All he alone is responsible for determining whether your great great grandmothers Dresden figurine arrives in three pieces or 60. So its imperative that you establish a healthy relationship with your moving Man the minute he and his Crew take Over your entire lives. After All How you define the labor management role can mean the difference Between two Days of terror loathing helplessness and exhaustion a and two Days that Are much much worse. The moment they enter your bedroom at 5 . On the morning of your move you should set the tone. To do this you must crawl out of bed draw yourself up to your full height and announce forcefully that you will get Coffee for them right away. In this Way you will let them know immediately that they Are management and you Are labor.  appreciate this and will be far less Likely to steal All your silverware. At least while you re looking. Cindy Chambers is a military family member in Schweinfurt  kill it a animal stars in other roles 1. Benji a in tvs Petticoat Junction 2. Silver a in gone with the wind 3. Asta a in bringing up baby 4. Trigger a in the adventures of Robin Hood 1938 source world features Syndicate Page 8 sunday february 9, 1992