European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - February 16, 1992, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Voice show can Kung fun experts get a kick out o peace Joe Bob Briggs goes to the drive in i have this question about Kung fun. In be personally witnessed every Type of Kung fun known to Man. Full Contact karate. Tae Kwon do. Jujitsu. Kenpo karate. Dragon fist fighting. Mad Monkey Kung fun. Trampoline somersault Samurai. Hong Kong Kendo. Spread Eagle triple re. Verse scrap Cut on a Spear kickboxing. Open foot Mustache bashing. And now that Kung fun movies Are bigger than Ever this year there arc about 97 martial arts stars and Csc body who wins an esp foot clobbering tournament gets a movie contract. Every time you talk to one of these Black belts or you see one in the flicks they Start talking about How Kung fun is meant for self defense Only. In other words they do it to protect themselves from psycho killer transvestites on the Street. They done to do it to fight. They do it to avoid fighting. And in fact if somebody Ever catches Mem fighting for real instead of defending themselves  get shanghaied and whipped with a wet Noodle by the grand Wazir of kickboxing who is always Bald headed with a Long Beard and has a name that sounds like Morse code for Hare lipped people a goo goo  pan a and he sits Cross legged like Shirley Maclaine on a mini scrips and Calls you a a a snivelling pile of weasel Doo door if you do the wrong thing and pursue a lifestyle of violence. They All say this and they All mean it and so Here a my question How can you stand it i mean  it be like getting ready to have sex for 40 years but never having it but always being ready to have it just in Case i mean what if nobody Ever comes up to you on the Street and picks a fight i mean what if you go through your whole life and nobody jumps out of a building onto your Back or tries to rape your sister or beats up a Little old lady while you re crossing the Street it can happen right its not like we witness 17 crimes a Day. I mean  you end up getting so desperate that you a go into the meanest parts of the South Bronx just hoping something dangerous would happen does anybody else Ever think about this All right Well one person who la never have to worry about it is Sheila Caan Star of the drive in classic fertilize the blaspheming slut. Actually it was recently retitled for marketing purposes. Nothing is changed but the title on the marquees is fertilize the blaspheming Bombshell. Censorship is everywhere. Also the original poster had to be changed. The first one said a she was a slut from Brooklyn on a Cross country ride to hell a a now it says a she was a Bombshell from Brooklyn. A a anyhow Sheila turns in one of the finest performances of the year As a Las vegas anthropologist running across the desert in her underwear while being chased by murdering satanists in Black hoods and Robes. She wants to find out just who it was that sacrificed her sister and set her on fire in the Middle of a giant Pentagram and pushed her Sisters Fiance off a Cliff. The local sheriff to Hopkins does no to seem to know anything about it and the Horny  station attendant on the Highway is not much help. That leaves nothing but the Spunky Sheila and her rip away Frederick s of Hollyw twid lingerie venturing Sheila Caan is hand picked to Bear satan a child in fertilize the blaspheming Bombshell. Into the desert town full of Bald headed satan worshipping character actors. In a getting All choked up just thinking about it. Fifteen dead bodies. Fourteen breasts. Chest carving. Stake through the heart. Goat head Devil sex. Giant stick through the stomach. Two satanic Dune buggy motor vehicle chases. Three crash and Burns fireball. Flaming sacrificial victim. Flaming satanist. Gratuitous Bath in a Waterfall. Kung fun. Bimbo fun. Drive in Academy award nominations for Caan As the blaspheming Bombshell for saying a a it a a satanic sign of evil a Robert Tessier As the satanic priest for saying a take her to the sacrificial Pentagram a and Hopkins for being in this movie for no apparent reason. One and a half stars. Joe Bob says Check it out. Joe bobs advice to the hopeless Victory Over communism Woodall a Commerce drive in just outside Commerce ga., on . Highway 441 is having another great year. It has Reinst Tut cd poultry night on tuesdays. A bring a live Chicken on a Leash for one half off admission Price. $10 grand prize for biggest Chicken. Free feed and  they done to do this in Southern California. Devlin Thompson and Joni Mabe both of Athens remind us that without eternal vigilance even poultry night could be a thing of the past. Dear Joe Bob i liked Thelma amp Luigi so a lot better 15 years ago when it was called the great Texas dynamite Chase. Once again the drive in did it first Claudia Jennings and Jocelyn Jones could be kicked Thelma and Louise a Butts Katharine Katsidhe new York City dear Katharine did you notice How that Guy that gets murdered in Thelma amp Louise is the first Man to be actually killed for the crime of sexual harassment and then those two gals done to think twice about it a because a he a a cardboard character. Nobody cares about him. Remember when feminists used to complain that movies were made for men and All the women were cardboard i have seen the future and its lesbians. Creators Syndicate to discuss the meaning of Lite with Joe Bob. Or to get tree junk mail and his world famous we ate the weird newsletter write Joe Bob Briggs. P o Box 2002. Dallas to 75221 Job Bob s fax line is always open 214 368 2310pull the plug on Senate a leak investigation Linda Ellerbee Justice comes and goes. Last get. A Nina to Tenberg Legal affairs correspondent for National Public radio reported the Senate judiciary committee had in its Possession an affidavit from a lawyer named Anita Hill accusing Clarence Thomas the president s nominee for the supreme court of sexual harassment. When the information w As made Public the Senate delayed voting on Thomas confirmation so the judiciary committee which Hud kept Hills allegation secret could reopen hearings and air the charge on National television. Thomas won. Hill lost. And Totenberg after confirming Thomas the semite hired special counsel and mounted a substantial investigation to find out How Totenberg and a reporter for new York new Day Timothy Phelps got that Story. Totenberg has been asked by the special counsel to disclose her sources. She has been notified she will be subpoenaed. She has said she will refuse to disclose her sources even if subpoenaed. So on feb. 25 Totenberg will go in they will ask questions and she will Tell them nothing. Next if it chooses the Senate can seek to hold her in contempt. Contempt How predictable. Granted in the last decade of the 2 the Century a motion to kill the messenger is probably never out of order but this is too much. Consider the facts. First they Call the person or persons who gave information to Totenberg a  they weren to leaders they were whistle blowers. Blowing the whistle is a Good thing remember when people squeal on cheating corporations we say Quot attaboy Quot and punish the corporation not the Squealer. And Why is the a leak Quot the Issue Here Why was it a crime for someone to Tell the truth to Totenberg. But not for the Senate to ignore serious allegations of conduct unacceptable in anyone much less a supreme court Justice the Senate had information about Clarence Thomas that if True would irrevocably and rightly disqualify the Man a and they did no to consider it Worth a second look a whistle always demands to be blown on this kind of thinking. The Senate was going to confirm a Justice for life knowing that this information these charges might Well come out later. You think we As a nation did no to like dealing with this subject in a confirmation hearing a How would we or the Senate have liked it As an impeachment proceeding then when confronted with its disgraceful behaviour and forced to do something look what the Senate did. Two Days of investigation followed by three Days of hearings in which we were asked to forget that what we were watching was not a trial but a Job interview. Two Days is an investigation i done to see How any of them had time to investigate anything they were so Busy running out to give interviews every five minutes. Did anybody from the Senate for example Ever go through the list and talk to everybody who worked for Clarence Thomas who also knew Anita Hill no they did not. Why is the Senate pursuing this Quot investigation Quot its being done to satisfy senators political needs. They Are willing to spend All this time and taxpayers Money for a Lew senators injured Pride and the fact they were shown up for the wet noodles they Aie King features  16 1992 sunday a Page 1/