European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - February 16, 1992, Darmstadt, Hesse We sometimes go right passed a misspelling James j. Kilpatrick the writer s Art some errors in spelling can be explained the reporter was on deadline and just did t have time to Check. The headline writer knew How to spell but accidentally hit a wrong key. The error would have been caught but an eyelash got in the proofreader s Eye. And so on. Other errors can to be plausibly explained. Here for example is the Christmas Catalon of the Hamm Char Schlemmer folks. The producers had plenty of time to get it right. They were pushing fireplace accessories. For $2,700 you could buy a a hand carved fireplace now a a a Mantle May be All kinds of things a a Loose cloak a part of a blast Furnace the Chimney of a kerosene lamp a but the finish around a fireplace is a How come no one caught the error the sunday color comic strips Are prepared weeks in Advance. Can t the North America Syndicate pay someone to Correct the spelling in the Mark Trail strip i love the feature but honestly the creators last year spoke of the main of a Zebra a its the mane a and they spelled wildebeest As if it were a wild beast. They had tips for the Gardner by which they meant the Gardener. The supervisor of elections in Columbia county fla., provides Absentee voters with Quot a hand held stylist to punch out your choices on the ballot the stylist need not be returned. Mark Twain was a stylist. The tool is a stylus. Someone should have known better. Soon after the presidential election of 1988, the National Headquarters of Young americans for Freedom sent out a fund raising letter. Perhaps an old american should have proofread the thing. The wafers recalled a the hares breath defeat Quot of Nelson Rockefeller in the California primary of 1964. Never mind a Lago morph a halitosis that was a hairs breadth. Train of thought the owner of a dress shop sent me a flier she had received from a supplier. Here she was offered a a rabbet hair sweater and a a Strait skirt Quot from Ellen Tracy. From Anne Klein ii a a Efu shia top Quot and a there was also a Calvin Klein Quot High wasted skirt and some Quot Cruse Wear a not to mention a dress with a sequence Quot and a sweater with Gold a arg Why do respectable magazines miss errors in spelling they re not under the same time pressures one finds at a daily newspaper. In an article about figurines House amp Garden three times admired Quot Dalmatian Quot bookends. That firehouse dog is a Dalmatian. Time Magazine has flubbed the spelling of a foreword a As in a books foreword. The . Department of labor also spelled it Quot Forward in its report last year on women in executive positions. I can t Tell you How a release from the medical Tribune news service originally was worded hut i can Tell you How it appeared in the Greenville . News. The article dealt with a new surgical technique for hysterectomies. Only three Small cuts Are made a around the naval and Public most interesting operation i Ever heard of. Classified ads turn up startling misspellings. Under the heading old for Sale shoes a Reader in Wyoming could find a hush puppies and floor Shine shoes some slightly used Quot for Sale in Vero Beach fla., last summer was a lady s �?o14-Carrot White Gold two piece bridal in the patrol news of Harrisburg. Pa., a collector of holography might have been drawn to a letter written by Quot Charles Lynberg alter his trans Atlantic Light. Talk about misspelled names in the Seattle times a Reader recalled his beloved first Grade teacher Quot at now defunct horseman elementary 1 hat was the Horace Mann elementary school. Now and then a word is spelled properly but it just looks wrong. How do you identify someone who sews right. In Fredericksburg. Va., a Needle working shop advertised scissors that would make a a perfect gift for the the word dates from the 14th Century and ill bet it has Given trouble Ever since. Purely phonetic Spellings can gel us in trouble Loo. Several years ago 1 keep clippings a Loo no time a paper in Woolford mde a carried a column on cooking. The writer was promoting Ruffage in our diets. Three times she promoted Ruffage. In Maui Hawaii a theater writer commented on Quot the ways we Lampoon our sexual in a sure those voracious eels have a sex life but on stage the lesson in All this is when in doubt about the spelling of a word look it up and cultivate a Strong sense of doubt. Universal press Syndicate when your parents stay it can eat at you Tony Kornheiser go ahead and exhale. You be earned it. You had your folks Over recently. And they re finally going Home. They ask if you can take them to the Airport. A what time s your flight a they say it s 2 30. A but i think we should leave Here by 10 00.&Quot by Quot the airports Only 20 minutes they say Quot we like to get there Early just to be sure. A Quot the terrorists done to get there that Early. Why do you want to get there four hours ahead of time Quot they say a it la give us time to get Quot settled its an Airport a not the West these Are the facts of life Between grownups and their aging parents you invite them to stay with you because you think its the right thing to do a even though you done to really want them because they be become wildly eccentric and do things like invite the mailman in for a cup of metamucil. They come because they think its the right thing to do a even though they d rather stay in their own Home where no one will consider it strange when they walk around the living room in a Mink stole and swim fins. Your parents come in immediately remark on How ratty your House looks and How they can to be Lic a Amun could live like this. Then they look at their grandchildren joyfully exclaim How much they be grown and How wonderful they Are. Then they ask for a cup of Coffee if its not too much trouble and announce they re ready to go Home. The problem is their flight Isnit for five Days. The Era of Good feeling is Over. It has lasted 10 minutes. The rest of the visit goes like this your dad gels up at 4 . Every Day. Quot i can to sleep Quot he tells you. Quot is it the bed is it something you ate a you ask assuming its your fault. A no a he tells you. A i can to sleep because in a 80 years old. The older you get the less you sleep the More you go to the bathroom. In be reached the Point where i spend More time in the can than spam a since he a wide awake he wants breakfast and he ambles into the Kitchen to fix some. This is particularly frightening because he has no sense of modern technology. He still Calls the refrigerator Quot the icebox a Calls the cd player the Quot i i Quot and tries to phone Cleveland on the microwave. You hear him poking around in the cabinets and conic in just in time to Stop him from shoving a banana into the Coffee grinder. Your fathers breakfast is interesting. It consists of juice one piece of dry Toast and 392 pills. A lots of pills dad a you say hesitantly. Quot of these they re just maintenance you re reluctant to pry but you can to help noticing the time release Patch on his shoulder Quot so us dad. You re feeling of a he smiles reassuringly a a done to worry. Its nothing a he says inserting two Small red pills under his Tongue. Your Mother is not a problem at mealtime because she Hasni to eaten anything in 12 years. Nothing. A anything you want mom. Just Tell me a you say. She hands you a grocery list. Everything on it seems to be another weird thing about your parents is the strange preposterous prejudices they have that you tolerate because they re your parents a but it would be mortifying if they uttered these things in Public. Like your Mont might say Quot hungarians drink like naturally you wonder what possesses her to say that. Quot your father says he Learned it in the War she says. You re astounded. A Ama dads never been to Hungary. He was stationed in fort Dix. Hungarians Are Fine sober and your mom says a Well maybe it s my father attributes his eccentricities to growing up in the depression. He explains this is Why he a reluctant to throw anything away he remembers when he did no to have anything. So he reuses things. Unfortunately one of the things he reuses is Saran wrap. He Calls this i Call it Quot a he has no China anymore just plastic plates he steals from the airlines. He is obsessed with the supermarket styrofoam trays they wrap the meat in. He has them stacked up in his closet. He must have 400 of them. He tells me he saves them because he can Cut them Down and use them to store individual portions of meat in the Freezer. He says you never knew when you la need one. I ask Quot but when will you need 4 h ? who Are you haying Over for dinner up with people a i Point out he does t have to save them because every single Cut of meat in America comes with its own styrofoam tray. It is an endless Supply. I Tell him he should throw out All the styrofoam trays he has collected it Only to make room Lor his Glass Jar collection. And i ask him to drive me to the Airport. Creators Syndicate Page 18 a sunday february 16, 1992
