European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - April 5, 1992, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Words and wit trying to keep baffled readers tuned in James j. Kilpatrick the writer s Art an analogy comes from the world of radio. Its old but its Apt a writer transmits a Reader receives. Unless writer and Reader Are tuned to the same Wavelength All that one hears is Static. How do we find a common Wavelength its mostly a matter of Guesswork. Three examples will suggest the problems. A few weeks ago i wrote a column that dealt with a mangles dangles non sequitur and  a dear lady in Indianapolis 82, wrote to say that she understood what was meant by mangles dangles and baffles but what was a non sequitur she had searched her dictionary under a a so and could find no help. I wrote Back what i thought was a polite and Friendly letter. I said that it had not occurred to me that non sequitur was such a strange phrase that it would baffle any Reader. I said that non sequitur appears in the a a no Section that it comes from the latin for a it does not follow a and that the phrase had been in use since the 1500s. Cordially yours. Zwaap mrs. R fired Back a Hurt and resentful letter a it never occurred to me that a non sequitur was a common phrase. It did no to occur to 20 other people. If you took a poll of your readers How Many would look under no How Many would know what the phrase meant without looking it up and who else besides yourself would use the phrase a no answer to this letter is excepted unless its to say you re sorry. Of course in a not in the same league As you but you did no to need to rub it  at about the same time i was offending mrs. R in Indianapolis my brother columnist Bill Safire was offending a Reader in port St. Lucie Fla. Bill was writing about Patrick Buchanan the columnist who has become a candidate for the White House. A year ago Buchanan opposed armed intervention to liberate Kuwait. Safire said Quot had the Buchanan Weltanschauung prevailed iraqi president Saddam Hussein. Would today be importing soviet scientists to put the finishing touches on his nuclear tipped intercontinental  complained the gentleman in port St. Lucie a what in the world is Weltanschauung does or. Safire really believe that most of his readers would understand that word it is bad enough when a writer throws in an English word that i have never heard of but to do it in a foreign language is totally unfair.�?�. For the record Weltanschauung is German it Means Quot a comprehensive Conception or image of the universe and of humanity a relation to it random House. It is a a comprehensive world View esp. From a specified standpoint american heritage. Now we All know. Example no. 3. In Early january the Wall Street journal carried an editorial on the budgetary problems of California. Said the editor Quot politicians in Sacramento face belatedly the need to put Public expenditures on Jenny Craig size  who in the world said i to myself is Jenny Craig never heard of the lady. The allusion was meaningless to me and i expect it was lost on Many other readers. We were not on the same Wavelength. A nuff said. Whether a writer is composing a Sermon a Book review a business Tetter or a newspaper column the same admonitions apply do not write Down to your Reader do not write Over your readers head we should aim at a Wavelength on which 90 percent of our prospective readers will understand 90 percent of the words we use. Another 9 percent of the words we employ should be understandable in context. What about that lonesome 1 percent of words that Are wholly unfamiliar a words such As non sequitur and Weltanschauung let the Reader look up the hard words. A writer has to have some fun. Universal press Syndicate Linton keeps bouncing Back just like checks Tony Kornheiser j everyone seems to think the same two things about Bill Clinton one he has the nomination stitched up like Frankenstein a forehead. Two the other shoe is going to drop. Some terrible revelation lurks in the shadows and when it is revealed Clinton is finished kaput outta Here hell never eat lunch in Washington again. Which May not be so bad since he has love handles As big As inner tubes. The next time there Are floods in Texas Clinton can float to the disaster site i wonder about this other shoe. Because Clinton has already had so Many shoes drop on him he May As Well have been living in Imelda Marcos a closet. He has been accused of being a draft dodger and an adulterer. Plus they be accused his wife of being a walking conflict of interest. Another shoe is going to drop whose King Kong a Clinton san american Rasputin they be shot drowned and parroted him and meanwhile he keeps winning primaries. He has 474,810 delegates which not Only gives him the nomination a but seven nights at a Marriott of his Choice. So what More can they have on him 1. He a actually a woman. 2. He has been dating Fergie. 3. Hillary is his sister. 4. He poisoned the tylenol. 5. Eyewitnesses can place him running from the Grassy Knoll. 6. If you play his stump speech backward he can be heard saying a satan wants you for his  7. He was the chief Teller at the House Bank. Can you believe these House banking practices i mean really. What Are we talking about Here what do these people think they re doing playing monopoly is this a card from the Chance pile a Bank error in your favor. Feel free to Bounce 600 checks for $594,646 and run for  Stephen Solarz of new York who was bouncing checks like a trampoline was quoted As saying a a in a proud of my 24-year record of achievement and in a confident that my constituents when they learn All the facts will put this in  who a his spin doctor the Maytag repairman the Guy bounced 600 checks. They can use his checks for handball. Of his constituents will put it in perspective All right a  give him a cigarette and a Blindfold. Why not elect Leona Helmsley i write 25 or 30 checks a month. I follow one simple Rule i have the Money in the Bank before i write the Check. I done to write checks on spec. Unlike Many congressmen who Are Busy making the world Safe for fact finding missions to St. Bart a i know if i Only have $35 in my checking account i can to write a Check for $5,000 and blow it off by saying a a in a extremely important. Haven to you seen my bumper stickers a i know its technically not bouncing a Check. I know the House Bank does no to operate like real Banks. But these people Are writing hundreds of checks without the Money to Back them up. In real life people get charged if they Bounce a Check. If i bounced 600 checks id owe my Bank so much Money id have to Bounce another 200 just to cover the penalties. Every Bank in the country would have my picture on the Wall Quot do not Cash this Many a Check. He is a  no wonder the congressmen All used the House Bank. No bounced Check charge. Limos Welcome. And they re writing checks for unbelievable sums of Money. One congressman wrote three bum checks for $100,967. That san average of More than $33,000 per Check that a giving him the Benefit of the doubt since one of those checks was undoubtedly for $8 to the dry cleaner. Who writes checks for this amount where does he do his grocery shopping Rangoon and of course when they re caught the first thing they do is deny deny deny. Us my legislative aide ate the Bank statement. Many of them blamed the House Bank for shoddy administrative practices. Us i never would be done it if the Bank Hadnot Given away those toasters. One congressman from new York who allegedly whipped off 972 bad checks a he claimed they overstated the total by 200, like this puts him in line for the Diogenes scholarship a blamed his problems on a illegal  this is like the Rodney King defense blaming the Guy with the camcorder. A 15-year congresswoman from Ohio said she thought the House Bank was the Only one she was allowed to put her Money in. Like congressional paychecks Are different when she cashed a $25 Check at the House Bank did they give her two $9s and a $7? we should go Back to the old Days. Before Check books when if i wanted some of your Corn i gave you one of my pigs. Check books made everyone one step closer to being a criminal because checks Are not Money they Are merely the Promise of Money. And the reason congressmen Bounce so Many checks is because  Promise you anything. Creators Syndicate Page 20 a sunday april 5, 1992