European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - February 07, 1993, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Miss manners Judith Martin dear miss manners when i was an officer in a religious Center a Man who was and is there wanted to marry me. He declared his intention to me and his friends and soon he went out of the country on a business trip and a visit to his Mother. We were on Good terms when he left but his friends told me that he left with the intention of marrying someone from his Homeland. I was devastated. It appears that when he got me to agree to marry him he was already engaged by arrangement. Docs he owe me an explanation of his actions or should i continue to ignore him when i Sec him at the religious Center As a person who has never married i find it very disconcerting that this incident is connected to the House of worship i like to attend. Gentle Reader what you have there is a cad. What is  is a cad who if pressed for an explanation is certain to blame his Mother. Although miss manners sympathizes with you in your outrage she fails to see How your feelings will be alleviated by allowing your suitor to paint himself As a victim of filial and perhaps cultural loyalty whose Only faults were being carried away by his love for you and being too tender of your feelings to Tell you that he had to break the engagement. It is unfortunate that you keep seeing this person at the religious Center and certainly you May ignore him. Exhibiting coolness rather than cutting him dead would draw less attention to the matter. But if you really want to torture him miss Man Nurs suggests that you befriend his wife. As a stranger to the country she will probably be pleased at your kindness. He will go mad wondering what you have told her. Dear miss manners when you arc dining out in Public what is the proper Way to cat onion rings normally i d Cut them but my Friend said you should just pick them up in your hand and cat them since that s what you d do if you were at Home. Gentle Reader How things arc eaten is deter mined not Only by what they Are but also by where you arc. A Chicken at a dinner party is a different animal from a Chicken at a picnic. And Don t think miss manners has t seen your Friend eating at Home from the open refrigerator. That said miss manners will admit that Fried onion rings served in a fast food restaurant May be eaten with the fingers As they probably could t be subdued with a plastic Fork anyway. But onion rings Jaffee Usa. On a Steak dinner in a reasonably formal restaurant would be Cut and then eaten with a Fork. Dear miss manners because of a relationship breakup and my financial circumstances i moved Back Home with my Mother at the age of 45. She lives in a senior citizen condominium Complex. Obviously i feel out of place living among the elderly residents. I try to Tell myself that i should just go about my business and a simple Good morning or hello is enough if i happen to pass someone. I feel that neighbors Are of no real significance in one s life since we would probably never see them again if they moved away. Am i wrong these neighbors Don t feel the same Way. They All know one another and know much about everyone s life. One of them even had the nerve to ask me How much i paid for my earrings and if they were Gold. I was so taken Aback that i did t have a Good answer. How can i live in a place like this and still have privacy from these meddlesome rude and invasive neighbors How can i make them understand that i Don t want to be bothered with or by them without appearing rude or aloof what makes them so Nosy and curious about one another s lives anyway gentle Reader what makes people curious about one another s lives is our common humanity. What makes people express this humanity by asking Nosy questions Isi rudeness. But miss manners is troubled by your equating such rudeness with Nighbor Linss. She can Tell you How to fend off Nosy questions and she can even Tell you How to fend off All sociability but she would consider the latter to be a terrible mistake on your part. To have Friendly neighbors is a tremendous Boon. Neighbors can do one another All sorts of favors that. Even intimate friends and relations cannot do if they live at a distance. It can also be Lovely to make friends that one will then have close at hand. Miss manners urges you not Only to Stop being a snob about age but also to remember that elderly people often have descendants and All of those Are younger than they arc. You might want to meet them. To discourage Nosy questions one should have a firm policy of not answering them. A polite Way to do it is to fail to understand the question. For exam ple the answer to How much did you pay for your earrings arc they real Gold is of i m so glad you like  to discourage All conversation you must cultivate an air of preoccupied bewilderment when anybody addresses you and keep apologizing that you have to run off. Just Don t come complaining to miss manners when you hear that one of these people you snubbed f is being visited by the very person you have always wanted o meet. United feature Syndicate fooling incorrect address your etiquette questions in Black or Blue Black Ink on Whito writing Papor to miss manners . Box 91428, Stoveland Ohio 44101-3428. Tho Quill shortage prevents miss Man ners from answering questions except through this column. Williams London England \ Madonna would t find much erotica in suburban family life Erma Bombeck had my head in the dryer the other nigh when i heard Madonna being interviewed on entertainment tonight. She whispered huskily that she had a lot of fantasies but her real one was to live in the suburbs and raise a family. The idea of Madonna pushing a cart through k Mart straining to hear the shopper s special of smoke alarms on aisle three nearly made me drop the lint trap. I wanted to Tell her that living gets As daily As it gets out Here. It s not a Job for the fainthearted. We Sec a Limo possibly twice in our lifetime when we go to the prom and when we make a trip to the Ceme Tery. We draw no salaries and have no agents. If we were to take off our clothes when we Felt like it we d get arrested and the authorities would probably take our children away from us. I remember when Elizabeth Taylor chucked her career to become the suburban wife of sen. John Warner. Her idea of the Good life she had missed in Hollywood was dishing with the girls eating lunch Over the sink and whipping up and Down Buffet tables working her fingers like scissors. Within months she became a member of the caftan crowd. It was no place for a legend. It is possible our television images have something to do with these fantasies. People see Roseanne de livering one liners and raising three kids through adversity. Her marriage is renewed As Long As the rat Ings hold firm. In reality she goes Home every night in a Limo. Our reality is that we plod along making payments on the braces of a kid who has t smiled in 10 years. We take dogs to the vet who Don t want to go. We have relentless critics. Every week of our lives we buy two pounds of hamburger and try to get creative. We re so desperate for attention we actually be Lieve we re finalists in the publishers Clearinghouse sweepstakes and that de Mcmahon is going to appear at our front door with a Check. We covet the  of the person on to who pushes the Button for the. Lottery balls to drop into place. Yes Madonna we May look like Busy vital mad. Caps in the soap commercials for soft hands. We May appear to be Independent women who can break for Coffee any time we like put on weight and tool around in station wagons with Wood on them. But i m telling you this As a Friend until you be checked out the suburbs Don t give up your Day Job. Universal press Syndicate no kidding selected to show costs1. Ted Danson s salary cheers $450,000 per show 2. Andy Griffith s suits Matlock $2,000 a year 3. Designing women wardrobe $12,500 per show 4. Burning Wagon Wagon train $3,000 5. Doughnuts twin peaks $150 per week 6. Or. Rogers sneakers $29.95 7. Stopwatch 60 minutes $130 the to guide to Book Page 10 sunday february 7, 1993