European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - February 07, 1993, Darmstadt, Hesse Psi i by of a i sentences c Call for proper James j. Kilpatrick the writer s Art tidy English sentence is like a tidy dres ser drawer. A place for everything an everything in its place. When words an phrases get out of place the consequences can be startling. The associated press filed a Story from Mobile last year. Can homosexual couples legally get mar ried in Alabama the a answered its own ques Tion a court official in Mobile armed with a 9-Ycar-old attorney general s opinion said they can it seems to me a fair surmise that the opinion no the attorney general was 9 years old. Something was just a Tad out of place. In the Palm Beach Post last August a reviewer found something a bit dated about trouble in for example there were those wide men s what the producer needed were Skinny men s tics. We have to watch where we put our adjective. The Charleston . Post and courier carried a feature Story about a woman who had a flair for Bak ing. She decided to develop her own product line. Being the Rabid dog Lover that she is she decided to venture into the dog treat Well even Rabid dogs need love. Prepositional phrases give the most trouble. They tend to wander off the Portland oregonian reported that an escaped convict came out second Best in a run in with police swat team members shot Wall who had been serving a sentence for driving with a suspended License before he broke into his wife s House in the left arm.". In Eugene ore., the Register guard reported a rape Case the woman was Able to run away but the Man Back to the car and sexually assaulted her on the Hood and fender area the Sher Iff s office you never know about areas. The Miami Herald carried a Story in december about sexual harassment on Capitol Hill. Devon Anderson works in the office of sen. Carl la Van of Michigan. The senator treats women with respect and dignity but once a male lobbyist came into the office. Anderson said the lobbyist pinched her buttocks in the reception area. These things happen. In Tokyo a year ago the a reported that nine people suffered injuries in an earthquake a 48-year-old woman broke her neck when she tumbled Down stairs. The others were Hurt in surrounding prepositional phrases should be tucked away As neatly As socks and undershirts. There was nothing tidy about an item in the Spartanburg . Herald journal in december that concerned the arrest of Thomas Cope on a rape charge. The girl identified Cope As one of three men who kidnapped her from police photograph something spilled in the Canton Ohio repository last March. A staff writer reported from Massillon Conrail trains were running again tuesday after a derailment dumped More than a ton of com syrup and Cornmeal destined to become Beer near sometimes a shift from the passive to the Active voice will Salvage a sentence. Parade Magazine last month carried a pm Flo of the orphanage in Zilina where the author As a jewish child was Given Haven by nuns from the by recasting the sen tence so that the nuns gave Haven from the nazis the Lioto editor might have emerged with a caption not quite so rumpled. What is one to make of this interesting item from Olympia wash.? Rapali was charged with second degree murder in the shooting death of Hamrick As was Marvin r. Gustafsson 20, also of Seattle. Nei ther was charged with the killing of Buchanan who was half asian until read closely the paragraph is of. But at first glance a Reader is bound to wonder How the victim could be half asian until monday. Whole asian on tuesday two items from Florida Merit sober reflection. The Northwest Florida daily news carried a Story about research performed on captive manatees. It. Seems the creatures Are kept separate male and female to prevent them from having baby manatees that could not survive in the wild. Marine biologist Pat Rose emphasized that the mating ban does t apply to scientists with approved research in Vero Beach a reporter for the press journal provided a Story from Washington d.c., on Senato rial efforts to Cut waste. The senators were chopping away at executive Branch projects including a fed eral study of swordfish mating to the chauffeurs of two government that s one congressional study that might be Worth Reading. Universal press Syndicate to live and cry in la. Over those perfect bodies Tony Kornheiser of can t live in los Angeles. The people Here arc too Beautiful and too built. It s a pct i dish for gorgeous. How did they All get Here what is there some sort of gravitational pull on hard bodies i mean does t anybody Ever need to see a dermatologist Here or do they round up the average looking people and make them live underground talk about having an out of body experience i Don t get out of my body and into a 34 Waist by Sundown i m in Idaho. When i arrived Here for the super bowl Man about town Chip Muldoon who moved to . A. Year ago so he could strike it Rich without Ever hav ing to hear anyone say a two syllable word immediately drove me to Venice Beach so i could feel even worse about myself. Suddenly i was surrounded by Golden California tans which made me aware of How cadaverous my own Liast coast dead of Winter skin looks. I feel paler than Michael Jackson although thankfully i m not in danger of melting like he is. Venice Beach is a promenade composed entirely of to shirt shops and Tarol card readers the connection apparently being that after a psychic tells you you Are going to have a life of Leisure you can dress appropriately for it. It was at Venice Beach where i saw the great new trend that will sweep the East and i am talking of course about the incredible wiggling hand. It is a Bat Tery powered All too life like severed hand sticking out of a plastic garbage bag that wriggles across the great gift for your kid one and maybe hell grow up to be Freddy Kruc Ger another trend to look out for is of you who thought it could t get any worse than nose rings guess again. Lip rings two and three at a shot right through the Kisser. The lip ring capital of the world is the Melrose Section of ., where everybody under 25 seems to be auditioning for a part in the David Lynch version of Beverly Hills 90210. Why not take care of All your puncturing needs by marching Downto the local Hertz finding the warning sign that says Don t Back up severe tire damage and simply rolling your face Over it it s like another planet Here. What kind of pickup line is who s your agent you one up someone Back East by getting mentioned in the new yorker. You one up someone . By having bigger hair. Back East you Start a conversation by asking where you went to College. In ., they ask you what you put in your salad. Back East women have three names. In one. Traffic Here is totally impossible. Everybody drives. Nobody moves. Court to moves faster than the cars on Wilshire Boulevard. The moment you get into your car you have to be prepared to stay there Between 45 minutes and 45hours. So the intelligent commuter stocks up on Good tapes and Good food. This is Why As you wait atthe freeway Entrance ramp you see people Selling huge bags of groceries. The Entrance ramp has be come the new Stop and shop. The theory is that Mostof the drive by shootings Are committed by people who have either eaten Rotten Kiwi fruit or listened to Kenny Rogers. The recession has left californians out of work. You can see them standing on the Entrance ramps holding up signs offering to work for food though it strikes me As bizarre to think that say a film pro Ducer might be cruising the Ventura freeway looking for an experienced key grip. The offers Are indigenous to . Will do the Back of the cab scene from on the waterfront for give you Arsenio Hall s Home Telephone num Ber for speaking of food . Is full of Fine restaurants. But Don t try to get a dinner reservation between7 30 and 9 30 unless you re a close personal Friend of Jack Nicholson. If Jesus planned to eat the last sup per at Spagos he d have had to wait until 10. La. Has two kinds of people somebody and no body. The somebody Are the ones who say Well iwas talking to Al and Al the nobody Are the ones who interrupt to ask Al who i am a nobody. The other night a group of us nobody finally got a table at 10 30. My Friend Mitch was talking about the corruption in the movie business when a steel bellied drop dead Beauty wearing a dress the size of a cocktail Napkin walked by and Mitch said and i m quoting now and a you have to pay off some us some Ruh grub 1 missed the rest because i too had become distracted by this woman and had discreetly placed a for Ful of creamed spinach in my you simply cannot live Here. Creators Syndicate Page 24 sunday february 7, 1993
