European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - February 07, 1993, Darmstadt, Hesse Turns out that Miller time sure started Early Joebob Briggs goes to the drive in v. A few weeks ago a Bunch of scientists went ver to Iran and dug up ugly yellow pottery and scraped the slime off a Jarand held a press conference to announce that Man was drinking Beer As Early As the year 3500 it was t Light Beer either. These jars they dug up have two handles on ancient iranians Evi Dently ordered by the Pitcher. Since i have personally drunk Many mexican Beers that taste like they re 5,500 years Olds this was not news Tome. But what really ticked me off about it is that the archaeologists seemed disappointed. They Al ways thought it was wine that was the oldest drink. And they thought that the main purpose of Barley was to make bread. Bread and wine wine and bread that s All. These Guys Wanna talk about. It s like they spend All their time in Seattle or something. But now they have All this evidence that the sumerians also known As chug champions of the Tigris euphrates Valley thought wine was for sissies like the hittites. Who were so lame they be excavated 5,000-year-old cappuccino bars on their property. But not the sumerians. The sumerians sometimes just dumped All the Beer in a big vat passed out Long straws and stood around sucking brew. And Why not Why should t Beer be the foundation of civilization Why does everybody act like if you drink Beer you re a pot bellied scum dog but if you drink Whis key which is 100 times More Likely to Pickle your brain you re just Irish when did the word Beer drinking become an in sult anyhow i get letters that Start out Why Don t you and your Beer guzzling buddies go and it takes years of practice to guzzle. What s so Dang wrong with it speaking of stretching the truth not to mention the ol1 spandex red shoe diaries is out on video in one of those unrated right minutes of never be fore seen Sev footage whoops Daisy Box covers with a Gal in a Slinky mini dress and these red heels that Are so High she could get Knec bleed. Of of of i took a look at it. Red shoe diaries stars pouty lipped Brunette Brigitte Bako. She s a girl who has a Nice Boyfriend who wants to marry her but she gets a Chance to have wild animal sex with a construction worker and part time ladies shoe Salesman and so of course who can resist that but once you be aardvark de with the Guy at Kinney there s no going Back. And then its like this big dilemma where she can t make up her indy Biddy mind about which Boyfriend she really likes and its like whacking her out. And so she has to kill herself in the Bathtub so that the two Guys can play a vicious game of one on one basketball to decide who loved her More. In other words one of those things you la watch on Cable at 1 . And then deny the next Day that you be Ever heard of it. One dead body. Five breasts. Three drunk sex cheerleaders. Elbow to the nose. Wrist slitting. Multiple aardvark ing. Gratuitous lovers cavorting through Fields in slow motion. Gratuitous saxophone on the sound track All the Dang Lime. Fist fun. Toft fun. Black leather fun. Basketball fun. Drive in Academy award nominations for David Duchovny As the sensitive Jake for saying i want to see the outline of Brigitte Bako in red shoe diaries. Your body through your Nightgown Billy Wirth As the Gritty Tom for saying Why Don t you take off your clothes and Bako the girl who just can t de cide whom to sleep with for saying he made love like he worked on the Street tender As a Jack Ham As Freud would say now just who was your Mother three stars. Joe Bob says Check it out. Joe Bob s advice to the hopeless Victory Over communism the Capada drive in just South of Floydada Texas out where the West Texas Sagebrush grows is still going Strong after 40 years thanks to the management of Chris Mcgow in who keeps it open every night except fridays in the fall. You can t compete with High school foot Ball she says. . Parker of Austin reminds us that with eternal vigilance the drive in will never die. Dear Joe Bob Arch Stanton is the name on the grave next to the unmarked grave in which the buried treasure is buried in Sergio Leone s the Good the dad and the ugly. Just thought you d like to know. Dennis Nivens Hermosa Beach Calif. Dear Dennis so that Wacky drive in director Jim Wonorski got his name de Ploom from a Clint Eastwood movie i have new respect for the Man. Dear Joe Bob. Victory Over communism. Not i moved Back to California two years ago after a nine year absence Only to discover that the Sono Marin drive in for Merly located at the Border of Marin and Sonoma counties no longer exists where once there was the Only a rated that s right dirty movie drive in along California s High Way 101, now there remains nothing but a big Green Meadow. Who needs that where once there were numerous freeway Colli Sions and Low flying army aircraft now there is Only smooth flowing traffic and uncrowded airspace free of Horny generals. This Calls for some kind of Fri but i Don t know what. I d like to fax you Job but i m a Virgin. To tech Lulu Louisa Otis Novato Calif. Dear Lulu All i have to say is if i Eta Lurna can t support a drive in then who can creators Syndicate. Mezvinsky s smooth move from reporter to congresswoman Linda Ellerbee to discuss Tho meaning of lilo in , or Logu ire junk in to and Joo Bob s world famous to a of do Irv Tarj Noa Pifher. Anlo Joe Bob Boggs p o Box ?002, Dallas. Texas 7,221. Joo. Bob s la Hoe is a Days open cm4 3f,8 t310 Hen i was a correspondent for net work television news i used to won Den what will i do when i Stop doing this what would this work qualify me to do among the possibilities i writing a newspaper column writ ing books or starting a television production company i did All those thing but never not even once did i entertain the notion of running for office. A television reporter in elected office what s the country coming to Well i be changed my mind. Of not about easy on that score i will not be running for anything now or later. But Marjoric Margolius Mezvinsky is smarter than i am. Also she s a better human being. When i first met Marjoric she was a local reporter for the Abc station in new York she had Long hair and a thoughtful Way of looking at the thing Marjoric really cared about what she covered. After she wrote an award winning series on the plight of Southeast asian War orphans she adopted acc sch from Korea becoming the first unmarried citizen in America to adopt a foreign child. Tha was in 1970. Four years later Marjoric adopted Holly a vietnamese orphan. Today Marjoric and her husband lawyer de ,.have 11 arc his some arc hers some theirs. Meanwhile Marjoric kept on working. She moved to Washington. Later she began to re port stories for the Tacto show. The ones 1 re Mem Ber most were the stories Marjoric would report about the plight of families of children of women. To Marjoric fair counted and there was so much that just Plain was t. On feb. 26,1992, Marjorie resigned from Abc. The next Day she announced she was a candidate for Congress. A Lousy Economy the confirmation hear ing of Clarence Thomas and an administration that seemed to put families last had persuaded her to try to do something about that. Marjoric now represents Pennsylvania s 13th con Gressional District. She is the first Democrat elected from her District. She is the first woman elect to the House of representatives from her state. We arc talking. I am still finding it Odd that some one 1 have known for years has run for Congress and won. A television reporter at that. Yes says Marjoric it s larger than life time right i ask her if she finds anything strange in a television journalist running for Congress. Actually it strikes me As being totally appropriate. For 25 years i be been looking at both sides. Now i can have opinions. For instance i used to cover pro life demonstrations and afterwards i would get letters thanking Nic for being fair but i am passionately pro Choice. This is a Chance to be who i she pauses and i can hear the Grin before it starts. Besides there s something in All of us that sits there on the other Side of the desk when you re interviewing these people and says silently i could do this Job. I could do it i la never run for office. I like being the one to write the Story. But i m sure glad Marjorie s their. She s going to be very Good at it. Despite her questionable background. Kwh a Sivji it j pc Brushy 7, 1993 Gumja
