European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - February 21, 1993, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Voices steering toward the Best on the outdoor screen Joe Bob Briggs goes to the drive int he 1992 hubbie nominees Are Here. If you want to vote for these Hubcap awards mail those ballots to Joe Dob Briggs . Box 2002, Dallas Texas 75221, or fax them to 214 368-2310. The drive in Academy award nominees Are. Best flick even Hitler had Girlfriend the Low budget made in Dan Var Independent comedy in which a Chubby Omaha Security guard in a Lumpy Golf shirt spends his entire life savings on Call girls in less than two weeks. Forced to fight prison movie disguised As kick boxing movie about a violent White gang battling a nonviolent Black gang and the Oriental Guy caught in Between with All the usual Low lifts drug Heads Goon faces brutal guards dimwit reporters in one of the most realistic Man in chains flicks of recent years. In the heat of passion the Story of a Young actor who Falls in lust with Sally Kirkland and basically does it nine ways from sunday in the Kitchen on top of the to set in the Shower in the women s restroom and occasionally even in bed while her Jerk husband is lurking around downstairs watching Cable to while the whole world thinks the actor is a rapist because they saw him on to acting out the part of a rapist on one of those America s most Wuntch Type shows. Liquid dreamt the weird Sci i flick about High Rise where they get women All critically juiced up in topless bars and then Siphon endorphin in out of their brains so they can bottle emas Peak experience sex drugs. Great special effects that make the whole movie Tike being inside a combination of Disneyland la Vanworth and Gino s topless bar. The unborn killer baby movie about a woman who gets juiced up with nuclear strength baby  Tein Fertility steroids and ends up with a miniature. Hulk Hogan drawing Geometric shapes on her Stom Ach and ripping apart her intestines until she runs off to a Back Alley abortion specialist and says go ahead Tell me i m  sequel barbarian Queen ii the Story of a big breasted Amazon with pour Blond hair who joins a band of Warrior Amazon women with enormous Hooters and cute Little leather fighting bikinis and leads a peasant revolt against the corrupt Castle dwelling rulers until she is recaptured and chained up and gets her Blouse ripped off several times. Basket Case Iii latest in the handicapped rights series starring the world s most famous gnarly squashed octopus siamese twin in a Basket in which Duane and belial go Down South and visit Little Hal a 3,000-Pound six armed jello Mold with acne. A combination of alien the terminator ii and the chef boy Ardee pasta Jubilee show. The Good the bad and the subhuman Noldi class of nuke pm nigh part 9, i which a sub humanoid High school student is impregnated by a giant puking mutant Squirrel and soon after gives birth to sub humanoid mutant twins one of which is stolen by an evil lady professor with a 6 foot High Beehive Hairdo and her one eyed . Co Hort and their fat sumo wrestler sidekick. Hel Ralser lilt Nell on Earth with the Kinky Jodie Foster Dennis Hopper in Back track. Sex demons from hell recruiting depraved disco own ers and attacking entire dance floors full of leering singles ripping their flesh off with steel Hooks and leaving them wailing in Little clumps of Black leather and ankle chains. The terror within ii starring a couple of veiny Lizard legged monsters with bloody hair nets growing out of the sides of their skulls trying to rape the remaining female population of planet Earth in order to produce even More mucus beasts rampaging through the Countryside and attempting to Breed with Stella Stevens. Best foreign flick project a to Hooters and twisted Metal car Toon from Yokohama about a Bubble head 17-year old at an All girl High school who is so cute and giggly that two girls Start fighting Over her and then All three of them put on leather hot pants and Battle giant robots while the Bubble head sneaks into an alien space ship through a Stinky laundry room fights a she male Samurai and makes her Way to the Bridge where an alcoholic enemy commander is screaming booze i need booze heaven & Earth one of the greatest Samurai pictures Ever made about these two Samurai warriors in the 16th Century who were so evenly matched that neither one of pm could Ever defeat the other one and so they constantly fought this chess match using the lives of warriors priests women and Chil Dren As pieces. Featuring Battle scenes that use a Many As 10,000 extras. Prom night Ivi deliver us from evil Ca Nadian version of the Exore of about a Demon possessed mass murdering priest chained up in the Dun Geon of a Church for 34 years until he gets Loose one Day and starts ordering teenager on a stick. Best actor Dennis Hopper Back track As a Hitman who spends All his time staring at polaroids of Jodie Fos Ter in her underwear and making squeaky noises on a Tenor saxophone until he can steal her lingerie handcuff her put a gun to her head dress her up like a Hooker and convince her of what a wonderful life together they can have together. Richard Roundtree forced to fight As the nonviolent Jailhouse lawyer in a Baishiki who rules the prison with the pure Force of his personality. Andren Scott even Hitler had a Girlfriend As Marcus Temple ton a Guy so depressed that he sits in his Bathtub for hours with the phone sitting on the commode eats Frozen dinners and slim jims watches porno strippers on Cable in his underwear buys a Jar of reduce a Cream As Safe As any Garden vegetable to make himself More attractive to women tries to talk to women who Are repulsed by him considers a wonder Corset wonders if someday he la become a serial killer or whether he s insane goes to the Library to research the subject and Calls girls up for dates with opening lines like we could go to lunch there s Sinclair station near your House that has sandwiches on Sale for $1.49." Mere Finger cat master 2 through the por Tal of time As a sensitive animal Loving barbarian who gets sucked into modern Al Lay through a time Warp where he survives fire wild beasts and a deadly laser gun but is finally vanquished by the powerful creature Slinky sequel script us. Webb Wilder com Hicks As a pudding faced Marble mouthed hipster who wears a Zool suit and looks like he hangs out in Austin vegetarian bar a lot raving about frying Saucer conspiracies dropping acid and worshipping Elvis sort of like the National enquirer with a guitar. Best bad Guy Doug Bradley hell Raiser Iii hell on Forth As Pinhead the Guy with the nails in his face who s be coming More famous than Freddy Kruegrr. James Carver prom night in deliver us from evil As father Jonas the psycho Demon possessed priest who sneaks up on High school couples who Are in Flag Etc aardvarks and slashes their throats with a giant Crucifix switchblade. Wings Hauser beast master 2 through the Portal of time As the evil overlord Arkalon for Wear ing a lame phantom of the opera mask throughout the whole movie. Mitchell Laurence the runes Tonc As a giant Norse god that hangs around Soho killing pretentious yuppies at Art gallery openings. M. Emmet Walsh As a truly disgusting hillbilly Vampire who smells bad never shaves and goes around town hacking the Heads off tourists whenever he gets thirsty. Best actress Candice Daly liquid dreams As the blonde from Kansas who shows up one Day trying to find her sister Only to discover her dead body in a Bathtub with giant extraction Marks in her neck so she gets a Job As a taxi dancer girls who dance with lonely Guys for Money in the same building. Elk Al do Boer prom night in deliver us from evil As the Good Catholic girl who prepares to lose her virginity on prom night but ends up battling father Jonas to the death instead for being one of the greatest screamers in film history and for saying forgive me father for How much fun i m going Mohave  Jodie Foster Back track As an environmental artist who witnesses a mob murder and gets kid napped by Dennis Hopper and forced to Wear six different outfits from Victoria s secret until she says men have no imagination and teaches him How to realty get her attention. Stepfanie Kramer twin Sisters As the Beverly Hills housewife who goes to visit her identical twin sister in Montreal Only to discover she s a dead thousand Dollar a trick Call girl and so she puts on lipstick dangly jewelry a skin tight spandex mini skirt Heads for a secret disco and says let s  Brunke Stevens teenage exorcist As the Kinky Demon possessed Gal who rents a House from a brain damaged Street person gets attacked by a haunted party dress and ends up vamping around wearing a dog Collar and Black lingerie flogging a pizza boy with a Riding crop and discussing the meaning of life with a mucus faced Goat monster who lives in her basement. Breast actress Sheila Caen fertilize the blaspheming bomb Shell As a Las vegas anthropologist running across the desert in her rip away Frederick a of Hollywood underwear while being chased by murdering satanists in Black hoods and Robes. Ava Cadell hard hunted As the radio sex show hostess who always wears a Leopard skin spandex Bikini Over her Capells in the broadcast Booth. Cameron Sunset strip As the experienced exotic dancing Star Crystal who trains the shy new kid night and Day teaching her How to strip As though her life depended on it. Lane Clarf son barbarian Queen the Only Blond barbarian Amazon Leader with a Southern California accent in history refusing to Bathe frolicking in the Forest with her cardboard sword and Page 20 sunday february 21, 1993