European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - March 7, 1993, Darmstadt, Hesse Page 10 miss manners Judith Martin dear Mitt manner often when i am out in Public to my wheelchair with my Arm Back and leg braces someone a nearly always a woman a will make a Point of coming Over to speak with me. First this person will say that seeing me made her feel so much better. Then she will go on to say that this is because she Felt she was in such terrible phys cat condition until she saw need to memorize some response because frankly 1 am too confused to answer at first and once i find words they Are generally not appropriate for either polite or educational conversation and so Are left unsaid. 1 have stared in amazement or simply said Quot thank you Quot but my Best Friend tells me that these responses Are not adequate to the situation. I want to avoid pity to an awkward Public and i also want to maintain my emotional equilibrium. Go it la readers Quot thank you Quot strikes miss manners As a Good reply in that it is itself polite and yet ought to make anyone with a shred of decency real inc the enormity of the insult in remarks that Are also disguised As thanks. But if it s not working we shall just have to step it up a bit. Add on in the kindest of tones Quot you know i too feel so much better off now that i have observed unfortunately the full Impact of this remark docs rot hit until the person has had a Chance to think it Over. But although you will not observe the moment a probably in the Middle of the night a when such a person realizes that you have favourably compared yourself with her callousness miss manners promises it will happen. Dear Mesa manner at a Large traditional wedding i was not among those who came Forward to try to catch the bridal bouquet i was appalled and not a Little embarrassed when i was singled but by name by the band Leader to join the group. Must i Trot up to these things for the rest of my life i am a 37-Ycar-old woman who has never married. I am As Happy in my single Hood is it is possible to be in this couple oriented society. I have one More important family wedding to attend but 1 am seriously considering making my at Toos Usa Tendance conditional on the understanding that 1 be left out of this ritual. I really feel that if i Don t at least mention it beforehand the same situation will arise. Gentle Reader whatever you do do not mention this beforehand. Miss manners assures you that it will Only encourage your relatives to discuss your attitude and it will not protect you from perfect strangers such As the band Leader who feel called upon to Embarrass the guests. The Only sure Way to escape is to keep an Eye on the Bride and when she puts one foot on the staircase or any other such obvious throwing Mound go to the ladies room. A riskier but less drastic tactic is to become deep in conversation at the Edge of the room and if your attention is called merely to wave pleasantly As if to say Quot of go ahead a ill be right1 with dear my manners my sister quietly left a copy of her marriage certificate on my Mother s breakfast table one Day. It was dated the previous year. After the Shock wore off my Mother called the rest of the family with the news. Do i Send my sister a wedding present or an Ara versa card or both is it rude to ask her Why she did things this Way we Are close but i live several states away. How shall i acknowledge this new relationship or should i just ignore Etc Mything and go on with business As usual gentle Reader you Are not Alt that close with your sister miss manners is sorry to Tell you. Close Sisters would not find themselves in this situation. But even if they did they would be throwing themselves in each other s arms or each other s telephones with exclamations of wonder and congratulation not pondering which card to select or whether to pretend the whole thing never happened. But there is an Opportunity Here for you to become closer provided you do not attempt it All in one leap. Try treating her As a sister who has married a smothering her with Good wishes and eagerness to get to know her husband. It would be charming to supplement this with a wedding present but Don t try sending the present without any demonstration of emotion much less skipping to the anniversary which is bound to seem sarcastic. Intimacy could Well develop from his show of sisterly affection. And one Day you May be on confidential terms in which Case you can ask her that question. United feature Syndicate feeling incorrect address your etiquette questions in Black or Blue Black Ink on White writing paper to miss manners . Box 91428, Cleveland Ohio 44101-3428, the Quill shortage prevents miss manner from answering questions except through this column. Harold has t completely let Richter Usa cd Quot we re impregnable dear but Are we Happy Quot horrid dressing never wears thin in America Erma Bombeck the Day president Nixon was shown walking on the Beach wearing a suit and tie was the Day the White House lost its credibility As a fashion Leader. There were stories about How reporter Helen Thomas was chastised by Nixon for wearing Slacks on air Force one and a female employee in the Reagan White House was sent to her room to Exchange her jeans f<6r something proper but generally people in this country dress the Way they want. Trust me when i Tell you women will not Rush to the stores to buy copies of hats worn by Hillary and Tipper at this year s inaugural. There is no dress code in America. 1 have been to new York where a Viking talks to himself and a Man dressed in nothing but an apron and a Spatula walks by and no one gives them so much As a glance. At the University of California at Berkeley a student Biown Only As Quot the naked Guy Quot has appeared nude since last september. The courts declared if there was no lewd behaviour there was no Law against it. The University just passed one. Occasionally you la see a front Page Story about a kid who was sent Home from school for wearing an obscene message on a to shirt but by and Large anything goes. Somewhere in the Constitution is an amendment that guarantees the right of Shelley Winters to Wear a wet suit in Public if she chooses to do so. I work in a Small office in my Home. Actually there Are Only two of us. We push the envelope of that Freedom. If we had to give a name to our style it would be the Buckingham Palace look nothing is considered too tasteless. We mix plaids and stripes Winter and summer casual and format a on the same Day. We have categories. Some Days i appear in a Quot i beg you do not let me answer the door Quot outfit. A Catsuit with a to shirt that reads Quot its hard to be nostalgic when you can to remember there a my jeopardy costume. If you can guess the year this outfit was in style you qualify for the final round. My personal favorite is what i refer to As my tax audit outfit. My Secretary says it looks like i dressed in the closet. Running pants Wool sweater and birkenstock without Hose. From the rear i look like an Aerial View of the super bowl. I just read a bulletin from the White House that said Hillary Clinton will probably not Wear Slacks because it will Quot cause a stir when it my office can handle that. Universal press Syndicate no Kil i Long Imark your calendars 1. No socks Day May 8 2. Lizzie Borden liberation Day aug. 4 3. Kiss and make up Day aug. 25 4. National Frump Day oct 14 honors frugal responsible unpretentious mature persons source Chase s annual events 1993 sunday March 7, 1993
