European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - March 7, 1993, Darmstadt, Hesse                                O i Page 28last laugh the Middle class can pitch that tax Relief goodbye Dave Barry a Middle class taxpayers april 15 is right around the Corner time for your tax Relief remember last year during the election Campaign William Jefferson John f. Kennedy Abraham Lincoln Clinton went All Over the country saying in one of his most sincere voices that he was going to give tax Relief to mid dec class taxpayers defined technically As Quot taxpayers whose annual income does not exceed the amount that the new administration spent replacing the drapes in the Oval office. So Middle class taxpayers you elected him and now it s time to get what s coming to you according to the internal Revenue service Here s All you have to do when you get to the Blank space on your 1040 form labelled Quot amount you owe a instead of writing a number in there you put the International Symbol for the Middle class which is a stick drawing of a Little person trying to read the fiber Content on a Cereal Box. Then simply mail in your return and within four to eight weeks you should receive a minimum of 10 years in prison. Thai s right it turns out that you re not going to get tax Relief at least not in the immediate future defined technically As Quot your lifetime Quot. President. Clinton had to reassess his position on this particular Promise and for a very solid reason he a just another suit wearing weasel no strike that the reason president Clinton had to reassess his position is that after he got elected. He Learned about a shocking development. To avoid suffering a Shock related medical injury please be seated while i reveal this development to you the Federal budget deficit is very big. Most Normal people and household plants were already aware of this. But apparently Clinton Busy performing his Many duties As a presidential candidate a formulating policies making promises practising the saxophone a did not find out until after the election when his top aides sat him Down and told him about it aides or. President it turns out that the Federal budget deficit is very big Clinton shocked no aides also the Pope is Catholic. Clinton this is unbelievable in the interest of the president s cardiac safety they decided to hold off on telling him about the easter Bunny. So anyway you a fiddle class people can forget about tax Relief. But you will be pleased to learn that president Clinton has come up with a new postelection idea which is sacrifice. We re talking about an equal sacrifice wherein everybody will carry his or her fair share of the Burden As follows you will one Way or another pay More Money to the government. The government will spend it on critical programs such As the space toilet. A number of taxpaying readers sent me articles about the space toilet which goes inside the space shuttle. The toilet was originally estimated to Cost $2.9 million but what with one thing and another a you know How it is with plumbing projects a it wound up costing $23.4 million. God alone knows what it will Cost the taxpayers when inevitably we have to Send a space plumber up there Torix it. Quot of that s Gonna be $3.4 million an Hourt fas $12.1 million every time Vinny Here goes Back Down for  it is not the business of us taxpayers to question such expenditures. We re too stupid to understand our own tax forms let alone decide on the need for a High tech orbiting commode. Likewise we Are in no position to wonder about the following news Story from the Charlottesville a daily Progress which was sent in by several taxpayers and which i swear i am not making up a University of Virginia medical researchers have embarked on a four year constipation investigation Booher employing video games to help children better control their bowels. With a $1.2 million Grant from the National institutes of health researchers will try to teach children How to ease the passage of Bowel movements and determine How Success affects family and school  the Story states that in this study children will learn How to control their bowels try operating Quot a video game controlled with the Aid of electrodes attached to the  of never mind where the electrodes Are attached. Suffice it to say that you a have to pay me at least $1,2 million to attach them. The Point is that the government needs your Money for Many vital activities and you need to just forget about tax Relief and Start thinking in terms of sacrifice. Remember if your government can buy electrodes for researchers at the University of Virginia it can also buy them for the irs. The Miami . Military life in Europe by Charles Kaufman sunday March 7, 1993