European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - March 7, 1993, Darmstadt, Hesse Hong Kong should kick up a fight rather than go red Joe Bob Briggs goes to the drive in i n Only four years from now the English Are Gonna hand Over Hong Kong to the commies. 1 1 do you understand this i done to get it. Like red China is this great democratic country that honors All its agreements. What kind of British judge came up with this idea its like you decide to borrow your brother a Mercedes for four years but after two years some Guy named Sal kills your brother steals his House and takes Over his business then he Calls you up and says a no Dan forget about giving that Mercedes Back a and so if you re British you go Quot right a a Deal s a Deal Quot its not like these Are the Guys they made the Deal with right anyhow the Only reason in a so ticked off about it is that even though the red China government keeps saying Quot not to worry Well take care of every thingy us the Way it is Quot i know one thing that will vanish immediately As soon As the commissars hoist their Hines across that Bridge Kung fun movies. They re gone. Its Over. Hasta la won ton. The great Shaw Brothers studios which produced thousands of movies Fornall of Asia Are already winding Down and looking for a new Home. Guys like Jackie Chan Are checking their passports. Anybody who makes a living As a stunt coordinator staging those. Shootouts where a Guy gets blasted with three shotguns at once explodes into three pieces sails eight stories out of an office building and lands in an empty Concrete swimming Pool a those Guys will be heading to Bangkok. And the weird thing about if is this is the year when Middle America started discovering the real Hong Kong films in a big Way. I know i know we had that Brief period in the Early �?T70s when Bruce Lee was god of the universe but most of his classics like enter the dragon were actually made by american studios. What in a talking about is the pure chop Socky with subtitles dubbed Quot thwack sounds and trampoline somersaults in every shootout Brawl or car Chase which is about of every five minutes. The film that got this whole trend started is the killer which came out three years ago and is now finally making it onto video in a big Way. The killer is already on the All time top 10 drive in list and is probably the reason the commies will kick the filmmakers out of Hong Kong. The killer in other words is the new Standard in chop Socky. One Hundred Twenty seven dead bodies. Forty seven million rounds of automatic weapons fire. Four motor vehicle chases with crash and Burn. Gunshot wound cauterize action. Exploding Shack. Exploding car. Burning Church. Kung fun. Drive in Chow Yun fat meets Danny Lee in the killer. Academy award nominations for Chow Yun fat As the Harmonica playing killer for saying Quot i Felt someone walk Over my grave and Quot in be changed a i done to want to kill and Danny Lee As the police inspector who becomes a Friend of the killer for saying Quot he a heroic in manner a he does no to look like a kilter.�?�. Four stars. Joe Bob says Check it out. Joe bobs advice to the hopeless mormon Alert the Davis drive in in Kaysville Utah first Utah drive in to show a Russ Meyer flick when it premiered beyond the Valley of the dolls in 1970, did not open its Gates this year. The reason has remained mysterious despite local investigations. of Kaysville reminds us that without eternal vigilance it can happen Here. Dear Joseph Robert clipping enclosed Quot Dahmer a apartment will be Tom this is a tragedy what about our cultural heritage where Are the various historic preservation societies now that we need them Jose Roberto this is a sad Day in the . Douglas Rose Oakland Calif. Dear Doug and Dahmjr paid an Arm and a leg for that apartment. Dear Joe Bob i just rented naked obsession solely because of your testimonial on the cover. You re right it is the Best topless bar flick Ever made it answers the bum ing question of what Bill Katt has been doing since he stopped being the greatest american hero. My question for you is what Are the second and third Best topless bar flicks Ever made id go out and rent them i sure Hope you get a piece of those movies you endorse. I be also always wondered about your rating system. Just How do you make the breast count and what exactly counts As a breast As a last note How can i get to hear your syndicated radio column Here on the Central coast when i was living at Home i could get san Francisco radio stations but i done to think that any of the local stations carry you. And when Are you and Howard Stern going to do anything together it seems like you would be the perfect film critic for any of his shows or maybe even a Cameo in his upcoming movie. I. A realize that you re Clas sier than Howard but i get the feeling that the two of you share a lot of audience. Richie Rodriguez Hayward Calif. Dear Richie. If you liked naked obsession then i would recommend stripped to kill stripper Sunset strip and to sleep with a Vampire As the second third fourth and fifth Best topless bar flicks. Of Here Are the rules on breast counting recently established by the american drive in film Academy mammalian committee we count individual breasts not pairs. Otherwise what do you do about Side views or roman togas we count each breast in each scene but we do not count any breast More than once in a single scene. The full nipple must be in evidence in order to be counted. And the breast May still be counted in see through Type situations but Only if you can get a really Good took Ai those Hema Tomas. I Hope this helps i done to do the radio thang anymore. It was too much for me constantly coming up with 90 seconds Worth of material every Dang Day creators Syndicate Hillary Clinton Anita Hill and on a Roll Linda Ellerbee to discuss the meaning of life with Joe Bob or to got free Unk in the mail end Joe Bob s world famous we Are the weird newsletter write Joe Bob Briggs. . To 2002. Dallas. Texas 75221. Joe Bob t fax line is Eways open 214 366-2310. T he question makes me at least want to laugh. Who were my role models when i was growing up we did no to have role models dear. We bad heroes. My heroes were Roy Rogers Nancy Drew and Willie Mays. I wanted to be like them. I still do. After All your body never outgrows its need for heroes. Today i also have a few role models women whose behaviour i watch almost As closely As i watch our reactions to their behaviour bellwether women if you will. What they do and what happens to them As a consequence of what they do tells me much about where we stand As a civilization or if we can Call ourselves civilized at All. For the last year or so those three bellwether women have been and continue to be Hillary Gin a ton Anita Hill and Murphy Brown. Yes unlike for mar vice president Dan Quayle i do know Murphy Brown is not a real person but so what the actions of the character have been extremely real anyway Nancy Drew was made up too. What these women have in common is that each of them has been pressured to let society define her at a time when most of us can t even define society at the same time each of these women has moved us an Inch Here a couple of inches there. But solid moves. Sometimes they moved us by what they did. Sometimes by our reaction to what they did. They have done things outside the Agenda of the fairly anti female attitude that has prevailed for the last 12 years or so Hillary Clinton daring to prefer being a lawyer to baking cookies. Anita Hill daring to stand up and say that Man wronged me and you ought to know about it before you let him sit in judgment on the highest court in the land. Murphy Brown for being a recovering alcoholic and for having a baby Fay a Man to whom she is not wed and a god forbid keeping Are women without apology. As in this is us. Deal with it. About time. And we have needed to Sec what has happened to these women. Young women All Over America who thought the fight for Equality had nothing to do with them because those Battles were old and won needed to see Anita Hill yield up for ridicule by the Quot gentlemen of the Senate. That kind of thing clears the mind fast. We also needed to see that when Young Dan Quayle said of Murphy Brown and her ilk Quot those Arentt Good families a the rest of America Rose up and said Quot of yes they Are Quot hearing that makes us Strong. Stronger. As for Hillary we Are Only beginning to find out what May be done to this woman for choosing to be something More than your first Udy ship. Quot she a not feminine a being the least of it and including Quot who elected that Bitch a this is what they say when women Wield genuine Power. Yes during the Campaign she finally Felt compelled to bake a few cookies but now she a cooking up National health care policy. Seems right to me. Still women need to see How it plays across the country because however it plays that too will affect us and How we see ourselves a our freedoms and our limits. What happens to them can happen to us. King features Syndicate. March 7,1993 sunday Page 21
