European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - November 28, 1993, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Miss manners Judith Martin dear Mitt manners i have excellent seats for a performance by one of my favorite singers and i would like to throw Flowers at the end of the performance but i Don t know the protocol. I think Well be about six rows Back so if i threw from there i might miss the stage. Gentle Reeders never mind what you might miss. It s what you might hit that worries miss Man ners. A bouquet in the Graceful hands of the Soprano in her deathbed Nightgown is charming a bouquet Landing on the head of the gentleman in the third Row is not. The Best throwing area is the end of the aisle nearest the stage. Advance arrangements with the people in your Row and an usher forewarned that you Are not advancing on the stage in order to exact your revenge either on the villain or on the director. Will save you a lot of explaining when you should be concentrating on your throwing. Dear Mist Mannar when a formerly Active person finds herself because of age or permanent disability no longer Able to live alone and hires a live in companion or Sitter How is this person to be considered As an attendant or maid or is she to be considered As a Friend of her employer and therefore a Friend of her employer s friends for instance when mrs. Employer let s Call her mrs. A is invited to her grandson s wedding does her companion or attendant let s Call her c sit with the family when e is invited to a luncheon in a restaurant is c expected to attend if so who should pay when e is invited to a birthday dinner in her Honor in someone s Home is c one of the guests when e herself entertains is c a guest please explain the difference Between a paid com Panion a Sitter and an attendant. I realize that this sounds rather crass but c is after All a paid employee not someone living with e because of family relationship Friendship or love. Gentle readers As miss manners understands it a Sitter is someone who comes in temporarily to administer Small comforts and generally keep an Eye on the employer s welfare. An attendant is someone in a permanent position perhaps with nursing skills. And a paid companion is an impoverished relative struggling mightily with the moral temptation of doing one in with the simultaneous objectives of Hami Tusa being relieved of a nuisance and remembered in the will. Perhaps miss manners has been Reading too Many turn of the Century novels. The question of How that person should b e treated in the employer s household is a difficult one As the old etiquette conventions of such relationships have been confused by the admirable modern interest in hot treating anyone As an inferior. Generally the Best arrangement for both parties is that a compan Ion is treated As a member of the household while an attendant or Sitter keeps a private social life even if needed to convey e to her own social engagements. Whatever e and c work out it should be done openly at the time the employment begins to avoid such disappointed expectations As is thinking of herself As a member of the family Only to find that she seems to be a servant or conversely feeling that she has taken on the round the clock obligations of a family member rather than the limited employment and personal privacy she had wanted. When e is invited out c May Welcome a few hours away while e s friends Are around her to tend to her needs. But if she must remain professionally in at Tendance she is of course offered a seat next to her charge and whatever food is served is provided by the hosts. She should be engaged in enough Small talk so she does not seem snubbed without its being so much that she seems expected to perform. Dear Mitt manners is Ecru White writing paper an acceptable substitute for Plain White in All cases i have invested in both a engraved and engraved letter sheets notes and calling cards All engraved in Black on Ecru paper or card Stock. I also plan to add engraved correspondence cards in informal cards at a later Date. I Don t Send Many Flowers but i have found the cards to be useful As wedding gift enclosures. People do seem to get married quite often these Days. Natu rally i use the a engraved letter sheets for Condo Lence letters but is Ecru inappropriate i read that both White and Ecru were considered formal and equally serious when engraved in Black Ink but you stated that you use Cream letter sheets engraved in Brown for frivolous letters. Of dear i m not a very frivolous person at All. Must i reorder in White at once gentle readers indeed people do seem to be getting married quite often these Days. Why do you suppose that is oops there was miss manners Drifting off frivolously again. Time to get out the Brown Ink. It is the Brown engraving not the Ecru or Cream at least she did t Call it Creme As the cosmetic companies do oops paper that makes miss manners informal paper frivolous. United feature Syndicate fiting incorrect address your etiquette questions in Black or Blue Black Ink on White writing paper to miss manners. . Box 91428. Cleveland. Ohio 44101-3428. The que shortage prevents miss Man ners from answering questions except through this column. Mcm Teft Usa Horn Art we Waterproof or just it str resist intr get ready to Man the barricades Here comes baby Erma Bombeck a t some Point we were All childless Cou 7\ pies who said a baby is not going to Al change our  f we believed this with All our hearts. The Little newcomer would blend into our lifestyle like a pet. When you summoned it it would come running. It would live with your things and abide by your rules. If it barked All night you closed the door. If it wet where it was t supposed to you rubbed its nose in the spot and put it outside. We watched in horror As our wimpy friends lost every bit of identity they had when the baby came. We saw them pack away All their breakables where they could t be reached. We saw them put Gates All Over their houses. We watched them turn into Pup pets who would Spring into action with a single burp. We vowed we would never be like that. Bill Cosby once said a 2-year-old could bring a nation to its Knees. Believe it. It s hard to imagine that these Little bundles of innocence take Over your House faster than a decorator from hell. The bathroom that used to be an escape from the rest of the world is now As Public As a Disney parking lot. You can never imagine being too tired to remove the potty seat before using the commode with the door open. The personal pictures that used to be displayed on the end tables Are gone. They contained the g word Glass. The trophies and awards and Memorabilia that Voiland your husband brought to the marriage Are stot Idaway in the attic. The Candy dish the needlepoint Rug the afghan your Mother made your extra pair of glasses the to tuner. All Are gone. My sister in Law had five children. We could Al ways Tell when she was having a party. After the kids were in bed the accent Rug came out of hiding and was put under the Coffee table the lamps came off the Mantle and were arranged on lower tables the ropes were untied and removed from the cupboard doors the plants came out of the spare bedroom and the Black towels were replaced with lace trimmed yellow ones. The Little Stool in front of the toilet was stored in the closet. How Long does this condition last i will Only Tell that i have grown children and i still hide the to tuner. Universal press Syndicate subjects most often looked up in world Book encyclopedia students in 3rd through 12th Grade  2. Snake 3. Cat 4. Bird 5. Baseball 6. . President 7. Fish 8. Animal 9. Basketball 10. Horse world Book educational products Page 26 sunday november 28, 1993