European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - January 16, 1994, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Miss manners Judith Martin dear miss manners a Friend i have known for a few month told me that she is a lesbian. This revelation came As a Surprise and i a of really one of my Best friends in College was a  i wanted her to know that the feelings of Friend ship i have for her will not change and that i am glad she Felt close enough to me to Tell me. But i feel As if i said the wrong thing. What might i say in the future if a Friend should come out to me gentle Reader you were Fine until you added the Best Friend part. Of really alone would have allowed your Friend to expand on her Confidence or to return to the level of Friendship you were already enjoying just As she chose. Nevertheless miss manners trusts that your Friend was Able to see beyond the cliche1 to your obvious in Tention. Rather than taking your wording As Patron izing she probably understands that what you really meant was it never before occurred to me that that would interfere with  dear miss manners 1 belong to several social groups where lunch is served and nibbles Are left out to be eaten i assume. One lady in the group tries to be socially Correct and yet she comments on what i eat. Her latest re Mark is Here comes so and so eating a piece of  i resent having my eating monitored. Is there a Correct response or must i suffer silently gentle Reader you must suffer silently until you Swallow. At that Point miss manners would suggest fetch ing the Candy dish offering it to your rude Friend and saying in a jocular but gracious tone positively no sarcasm allowed As you must seem to believe you Are addressing her real intent of Don t worry. There s plenty left Here for  dear miss manners when a dear Friend graciously hosted a bridal Shower for my daughter my gift was a set of thick White towels that a talented seamstress monogrammed with my daughter s initials.  when the Happy couple returned from their honeymoon and moved into their adorable House my daughter promptly put her new towels in the master Bath. My new son in Law did not like them and re fused to use them. He now wants to order a set of Gerberg Usa c 1994. Cartoonists t writers Syndicate towels monogrammed with his initials. A Friend told me i had erred and should have put my daughter s new initials with the initial of her new surname in the Center. " i have always believed that the materials a Bride brought to her new Home were part of her dowry and possibly but not probably they were bought and stitched and saved Long before she had a Hus band. Thus the need to use the Bride s initials. Gentle Reader times have changed miss manners feels obliged to Tell you but less in regard to Trousseau initials than in regard to attitudes. Nowadays people who Don t even know what traditions exist feel free to subject the actions of others to surly scrutiny a yes a Bride s Trousseau is customarily marked with her Maiden initials. That is not to say that miss manners would Rush into her bathroom and raise a fuss if the Bride wanted to use her married initials. But she would be highly suspicious of a husband who uses the bathroom for such purposes. Aside from the rudeness to his Mother in Law it shows a Peculiar attitude toward his wife. He expects her to use his name for life while announcing that he can t even wipe his hands on an item bearing her previous identity. But it is not miss manners Job to incite warfare Between a husband and wife or your Job either for. That matter. She just wants to assure you that you did not act incorrectly. Should things go really badly you May even realize that you have acted prudently. Another part of the tradition is that excluding the dowry the husband pays for All household goods. Thus he is free by both old arid new standards to buy himself whatever towels he wants. Dear miss manners situations twirls who were adopted in an open adoption. After six weeks in which the Newborn children were Happy in my son s and daughter in Law s Home birth Mother decides not to relinquish. She takes the twins. My daughter in Law is at a loss about what to do with the presents Given to the twins upon arrival Lovely expensive two of a kind gifts. They have had six miscarriages and they might try to adopt again. Gentle Reader Trust miss manners that it is not Only for reasons of etiquette that your son and daughter in Law should not want to keep sets of baby clothes around the House. Unused baby clothes have a poignancy that is almost unbearable. If the presents were returned to the givers with a note of explanation miss manners is sure that these people would put the clothes aside to give Back or to return and replace when there is a successful adoption. But decent people would also understand an explanation that the clothes have been sent to the children. United feature Syndicate feeling incorrect address your etiquette questions in Black or Blue Black Ink on White writing paper to miss manners . Box 91428, Cleveland Ohio 44101-3428. The Quill shortage prevents miss Man ners from answering questions except through this column. Arcadio san Jose Costa Rica dealing Donahue but hearing about Erma Bombeck if you re calling the 800 number for the Phil Donahue show and Midi along digit you get livestock hauling company in Doon  the Days when Phil has a hot show Suchias Cross dressers who take themselves to the prom the company gets As Many As 40 mind baled Calls an hour. At one time or another nearly everyone has been one Telephone digit away from a commercial Busi Ness of some kind. For a couple of years we were a single number away from a popular grocery Chain. Our lives were crazy with a barrage of Calls wanting to know Are you open to which i answered for what purpose for some reason people who dial wrong numbers consider it your fault. Their entire manner is Offen Sive. Who is this they bark. What number were you calling you ask. They never know. Finally you suggest i think you have the wrong  a voice shrieks Back then Why did you answer the phone Bim Bette our son had the ultimate in bad phone numbers. If callers did t pay attention and reversed the last two numbers they got him instead of the National claims adjusting firm they wanted to Call. People who had just been involved in a car Accident and weren t in a hats and horns mood would demand when Are you going to fix my car i m riot the person you should be talking to he answered. Don t try to weasel out of this buddy. I be paid premiums to your Ricky Dink company for eight years and now that i need you you want to make me go  i m telling you you have the wrong number said our son. For the three years he had the number he acquired a vocabulary of every obscenity Ever spoken. I suppose it could be worse. You could be a num Ber away from a pizza parlor or a funeral director. And just imagine the Calls Phil gets from some rancher who dials to ask what time Are you picking up the cows today and a staffer at Donahue re sponds they re on the air until 4. I la get Back to  Universal press Syndicate no kidding How Johnny Weissmuller s Tarzan yell was made 1. Blended Camel s bleat and Hyena s yowl 2. Added sound of plunked violin 3. Added Soprano s High c 4. Weissmuller howled loudly former roommates 1. Tommy Lee Jones and Al Gore 2. Peter Falk and Wayne Rogers 3. Jack Klu Mari and Charles Bronson 4. Gary Grant and Randolph Scott 5. Wally Cox and Marion Brando Gore and Jones were roommates in College the rest As struggling actors world features Syndicate Page 10 sunday january 16, 1994 �