European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - January 16, 1994, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Harvesting euphemisms that Bloom into Neutral William Safire on language it s say you re trying to peddle some fake Flowers. Do you Call yourself a fake Flower peddle of course not you re a Floral marketer artificial Flower division. That s the Art or Racket of euphemism from the greek eur Good and Pherne  it has been gaining Speed since environmentalists were Able to transform the Damn Jungle into the Glo rious ram Forest where you can get wetlands fever. Objects of Green Wrath lumbermen and Fisher men counterattacked with euphemisms of their own. The Timber Industry Speaks of harvesting Trees on Public lands the fishing Industry of harvesting fish from the Ocean grumps Ray Sawhill of new York. My understanding is that in order to Harvest you have to have first  maybe he Means sown. Even the most innocent words when they take on a taint Are Euph Emited. The miss America contest eager to shed any hint of royalist forbids the use of reign to denote the period in which Here she comes holds the title her once reign is a year of  no longer need Shakespeare s Edmund in King Lear cry now gods stand up for bastards As Ben Wallenberg has written of those born on the wrong Side of the Blanket it was once called Bastardy. Then illegitimacy. Then out of Wedlock birth. And now frequently wholly sanitized no marital  he left out love child because the word lying is off putting to some we have seen a rectification under oath. Oliver l. North denied lying to Congress but admitted he had provided input which differed radically from the  and Roger be Loca Taire notes from ponders end London that British officials caught telling half truths r otherwise deceiving the court admit they have been economical with the truth. In the general derogation of politically Correct terms some euphemism has been parodied nobody seriously uses vertically challenged for Short or holds that a bad speller is Orth graphically impaired Clyde Haberman of the new York times was writ ing Tongue in Cheek when he described a rotund turkish political figure As kilo radically endowed. In politics the Clinton administration has made it linguistic policy to refer to the taxes necessitated by its health plan As premiums which most people associate with insurance. Others say that if the payment is mandatory it s a tax a political dirty word. We cannot leave today s subject without a look at Dys Phemis defined in the random House unabridged revised second edition As the substitution of a harsh disparaging or unpleasant expression for a More Neutral  it turns euphemism on its head. When Dick Gregory titled a Book Nigger he bit Down hard on a painful slur turning it to his advantage. In the same Way the word queer like Queen and fairy Long used As a derogation is being so Len by homosexuals for their own use. The vivid representation of identity Edmund White said in a speech to the Center for lesbian and is Edre Avis nothing Mushy about Dick Gregory s Book title. Of Gay studies in new York is especially important for the queer  As reprinted in the new York times the word seemed shocking until White repeated it until recently there were few openly queer films or  is Gay pass6? if queer is now acceptable its etymology deserves a look Hugh Rawson s devious derivations tracks queer Street a condition of financial Impe Unity to the 1811 edition of Grose s classical dictionary of the vulgar Tongue meaning wrong.  before that the word queer perhaps rooted in the greek for oblique off Center was used by pickpockets to mean  order As in queer As Dick s  recently Bent was the term Many homosexuals preferred As the Anto nym to straight but the new usage has que ered it. The new York times while the rest of America freezes Florida is half baked Tony Kornheiser Ood Fortune had me in South Florida two weeks ago when a big snowstorm socked the Northeast. According to the to news shows in Miami new York got 8 feet of Snow. All schools will be closed until june. Philadelphia got 14 feet of Snow. The Rocky statue at the Art museum is ear deep in Snow. It looks like an easter Island head. Boston got 21 feet. They be dispatched St. Bernards to find Norm Al cheers. Forgaci Pittsburgh. Everybody s dead. I am exaggerating. Only North Pittsburgh. The Point is that every time it snows up North the newscasts in Florida go crazy with glee. They Hemor rage glee. They need to contract for glee removal. They devote at least 25 of their 30 minutes to the terrible weather elsewhere. They open with two or. Three of their 450 daily murder homicides South Florida being one of the few places where they ask tourists for their blood types at the airports and then immediately go to a live Remote of Snow in Mil Waukee or Syracuse. Look at that old lady freezing her Tucheus off look at that Guy having to abandon his car on the interstate and sliding like a hockey puck and whoa getting whacked by an 18-Wheeler a a a a now stay tuned for our warm Beautiful Miami weather. The germans have a word for this. It is Ger plut  something. It Means glee at another s  this is what Miami does about weather. They Trot out their poodle haired to newscasters and because it s politically advantageous to be hispanic in Miami the newscasters All have bizarrely hyphenated names like Meaghan o Donnell Ruiz or Boutros Boutros Goldberg Gonzalez or Fong i Feldstein Sanchez and you re supposed to believe they re latino even though the Only Spanish words they know Are Gloria Estefan and they Tell you How bad it is where you came from and Aren t you glad you re Here they also do this Odd thing where they show you a map of greater Miami with 35 different communities All within eight blocks of each other and they give you each temperature at the Airport it s 81 and fair in Coral Gables it s 81 and fair on . 1 in Hallandale it s 82 and fair on the Tamami Trail it s 81 and  of we get the Point. If s belter than Toledo of course in the summer they get defensive about the weather. Dave Barry once wrote about this defensiveness saying that the Weatherman will admit of True it s 107 in the Shade Here but that s Balmy when compared to the 640 degrees on the surface of  South Florida weather forecasters make no men Tion of the facts that 1. They Are living with cockroaches the size of Herve vill Chaize. 2. In is so hoi there that Noi Only do a is melt in your hand but also you melt into the scat of your car and the sound you make when you get out of the car is like a Seal passing Gas. 3. Everyone in the state who is Over 80 which is to say almost everyone in the state is lined up at 3 45 for dinner because the Early Bird specials Start at 4, and who would t want to get minestrone soup three bean salad a piece of veal Parmigiana left Over from the 1960 olympics in Rome and a portion of Lime jello for $3.95? every bit of food in Florida is cooked soft in Case you left your Teeth in the Glass at the Condo. 4. You re taking your life in your hands every time you get on the roads because the worst Drivers in the world Are in Miami their Geezer Heads barely poking above the steering wheel going 5 Miles an hour with their feet locked on the Brake pedals making a screaming hairpin left turn from the extreme right Lane. 5. Every european who rents a car winds up on a Barbecue skewer. As i was checking in for my flight to Washington no fewer than five people total strangers told me i was crazy to go Back to the Snow. Three of them were later killed at the curbside Check in no none of that mailers. Because Al least they Don t have Snow. This believe me is  pfc off. So is what we do where i live Washington . Let s be honest this is a City that is so Boring so utterly lacking in Pizzazz that a Man like the Pale vaguely frightening supreme court Justice David Souter who May Well be a Vampire is considered the most eligible Bachelor in town. Washington has no style whatsoever. In has people who think they Are making an Avani Garde fashion statement by loosening their neckties. And so what do we say about new York a truly vibrant diverse sophistical de City we say at least our subways Are  a Friend of mine used to go to Bethany Beach on the Delaware coast each summer with her family and she remembers How her father delighted in looking a few Miles North Al Rehoboth Beach under a dark ominous Cloud and gloating they re getting it in  that is the very essence of Ger plut . In s nol enough that we have Sun. You have to have rain. The Washington Post Page 24 sunday january 16, 1994