European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - January 30, 1994, Darmstadt, Hesse A phrase that Calls for intensive research William Safire on language x ftf"0 my horror and embarrassment i writes Yisroel Epstein of new York i was informed recently j and in Public that the phrase i had always thought was for All in Tensive purposes was in fact for All intents and Pur poses. After the revelation of course the phrase began to make some in an account of a football game Between Cornell and Penn Jack Cavanaugh wrote in the new York times and it was altogether fitting that today s game ended to All extents and purposes with a dra Matic defensive James Weidner of Merchantville n.j., clipped this usage and sent it in with the comment granted extents could conceivably fit the context of the article but just what is the usual expression after All the expression is to sometimes for All intents and purposes. This Monde Green was spoofed recently on the literate Abc sitcom or sitcom the John show. One character uses the phrase correctly and is corrected by another who claims the phrase is for All intensive purposes third authority then makes swimming motions and argues it is for All intensive porpoises. The humor columnist Dave Barry making sport of word maven Hood began a column with it s mister language person for All intense and Evi Dently this sole ism is widespread enough to rate satiric treatment in Many Media it is my Job As a straight ahead language person to Trace its Cuc etymology before exploring the cause of its confusion. Off with its head it was Henry Viii in an act promulgated in 1546, who included the prepositional phrase to All intents constructions and after members of parliament made it their own Joseph Addison shortened it in a 1709 edition of the Tatler whoever resides in the world without hav ing any business in it. Is to me a dead Man to All intents and in his dictionary of modern Legal usage Bryan Garner derides terms like to All intents and purposes and at All relevant times As often being flotsam some say flotsam is what floats and Jet Samis what sinks. Most authorities hold however that flotsam is wreckage of a ship or its cargo that floats on the surface of the water and jetsam is what is jettisoned or tossed overboard. Someday somebody will ask you that and you will be ready i Dis agree the intent of to All intents and purposes is to denote practicality As if to say when it comes right Down to to come right Down to it then Why do some peo ple say to All intensive purposes it s the Monde Green Factor. A Monde Green is a word that is construed As it is actually heard not As the speaker intends it to be heard. It was noted in this space Long ago that the most saluted Man in America was Richard stans allegiance is pledged every Day by millions of kids to the Republic for Richard some begin the pledge with i led the pigeons to the remember that phrase in the Star spangled Banner about Grapefruit through the night and the Ever Good mrs. Murphy of the 23d psalm Shirley Good mrs. Murphy shall follow me All the Days of my although some linguists have called this stumble punning unwitting Paron Masia the better word is Monde Green. Coiner is the writer Sylvia Wright who noted in a 1954 Harper s article that some children happily Sang in Church of gladly the Cross eyed Bear when the hymn was gladly the Cross i d she remembered the scottish Ballad the Bonny Earl of Murray and How she had recited it As a child they Hae slain the Earl Murray and lady the Damsel bleeding loyally be Side the slain Earl was in her romantic imagination the last line was written and Laid him on the Green. There Are those who claim the word intensive to be wholly necessary since it Means the same As in tense but if it leads to Monde greens like All intensive purposes i say leave it. In. The new York times Good thing Inman turned into out Man Tony Kornheiser darn that Bobby Ray Inman. The nerve of him to name William Safire and an Thony Lewis and Ellen Goodman As columnists who grossed him out of being Secretary of defense. Why could t he have waited for my column i d have pulverized him. How s this for an opening paragraph get a Load of Bobby Ray Inman. The Guy s head looks like a Light bulb. The Man has a Jack of lantern head. What does his family do at halloween stick him on the front porch and put a Candle in his Mouth now that s vicious. Bill Safire is a great writer and he writes Tough stuff but in $3 words that nobody can understand. Safire and George hey Batter Batter Batter will arc the Only two columnists in America who have to be read with English subtitles. And Ellen Goodman and Tony Lewis. Pussy cats. They re liberals liberals Don t kill people. Right you Are Ellen Lack of government spending kills people Bobby Ray Inman must have the skin of a tangelo. What a Winner. Nanny Gate my rear end. The Way Inman s weep ing it should be . To think that this Guy could have been in the nuclear Chain of command wow How nuts was his press conference Bobby Ray was wound tighter than a Hummingbird in Saran wrap. I watched that Leer and thought whoa Jack Nicholson age 70, after being Force fed nutria system intravenously. Am i the Only one who sees the connection Inman and that Jug eared midget Loon Ross Perot both come from Texas. What do they put in the water Down there you know these super sensitive Camilles who bail out at the first caustic word ought to try being a pro athlete or a Hollywood Bimbo for a week and Stom Ach some really negative press. Try being Shannen Doherty. Entire magazines and network to shows Are devoted to putting her on a spit. The nicest thing anybody has said about the vapid Back biting tramp lately is that if Tonya har Ding is guilty As sin and goes to jail Shannen Doherty would be perfect to play her in the movie. Try being the quarterback of a 4-12 team. Here is a typical opening paragraph that could have been written by any sportswriter after any foot Ball game of All the chokers i have seen in my life of All the sorry Chicken Bone eating losers of All the gutless wonders of All the unskilled unimaginative uninspiring robots they stick out on a football Field and charge you 50 Bucks to see not one of them comes close to that human Ball of lint we be got at quarterback this year. Pardon me while i and that might have been after a win Bobby Ray should listen to the stuff folks say about athletes on All sports radio stations. Can you imagine if there were All Cabinet radio How Tough would callers be on that Pinch faced sour puss walking Corpse Warren Christopher who looks like he s sucking on formaldehyde Warren s not exactly winning those Road games in Mogadishu Bosnia and Haiti hey Bobby Ray grow some hide. Be More like. A Hairdresser. Take a lesson in How to take the heat from that fab hair Meister Cristophe. Everybody made fun of him for giving the president a $43,000 haircut on the runway at lax and causing All Relief flights to bos Nia to divert to Greenland and did Cristophe hold a press conference and go Mondo bizarro on Liz Smith did he accuse Larry King and sen. Joe if i had any More plugs i d be a Wall socket Biden of cooking up a Deal to discredit him no. He cashed in. He came to Washington and opened up a Salon which i know because he Cut my hair the other Day re of a to stunt. This is another thing Bill Clinton and i have in common besides looking for extra Comfort in an automobile front seat. I am now the envy of every fat Bald Man in America because none of them go to Cristophe for a haircut. Why would they it would be like taking your car to or. Michael Debakey for an Oil change. Cris we bonded spent two hours snipping away. This works out to 40 minutes per strand. But it s not because Christophe washed my hair that s right the Man himself and made me look like a god women falling at my feet eat your heart out Fabio you Bunkhead that i Admire the Guy. What impressed me was that throughout the haircut i kept making Sar Castic references to Clinton and hair Force one and Cristophe never blinked. He never even admitted he d Cut the Man s hair the secrets were Safe with him. Cristophe has a hide like an elephant. I Don t know Why Clinton wanted an Admiral for Secretary of defense when he could have had a hair Dresser. The Washington Post Page 24 sunday january 30, 1994
