European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - June 26, 1994, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Miss manners Judith Martin dear miss manners i met some interesting men and women at a party who had dearly visible tattoos on various body parts. Is it polite to ask questions about tattoos gentle Reader it is impolite to stare at anyone a body parts however much they May seem to beg for attention. Miss manners might be willing to unbind enough to allow a mild compliment a my what a Lovely dragon a abut not so far As to allow questions which Are More Likely to be along the lines of a did it Hurt a and a does that thing come off a dear mass manners i have just returned from a week Long conference in a hotel with a daily schedule of morning session lunch break afternoon pcs Sion two hour dinner break and evening session. I was fascinated by the formation of mealtime coalitions which seemed to be predetermined or created instantly As we arose from our chairs at the end of each session. Almost invariably the coalitions were Good of boys and everyone else. At one workshop training session students were advised to a grab one of those Guys for lunch or a  just How does a Little female  graduate student go about a grabbing Quot a big important Alpha male for lunch what docs one say gentle Reader first no grabbing. Need miss manners say More yes probably she should. The danger for every. One in these pseudo social settings is of business advances being interpreted As personal ones. So second drinks or meals should not be the subject of invitations. Wait wait. Miss manners is not suggesting that you cannot safely participate in these informal gatherings. Only that you word your invitations carefully. Approach your target armed with some information about his special knowledge and say a i have a number of questions and 1 would really appreciate a Chance to talk to you More about this at  if you grab a whoops approach a him at the Start of a break he is Likely to say a sure Why Don t you join us a he is also Likely to be madly flattered. Vulgar jokes to the contrary the greatest ego lift a student can give those Guys is the impression of being intellectually influenced by them. Dear miss manners can i Wear a wide brim White Straw hat to a june wedding to be held at 7 30 Quot . At a Southern Plantation gentle Reader if miss manners could Grant you an exception to the Rule against wearing daytime hats in the evening she would. There you Are with the perfect setting the perfect hat and Only the silly clock and Sun ruining it All. Miss manners suspects that it is just this sort of disappointment that has ladies buying the most glorious hats and then confessing that they never quite have the nerve to Wear them. But surely there arc some events related to the wedding that take place during the Day. A luncheon Tea All those guests who arc making the trip to a Southern Plantation Are surely gathering earlier in the Day Arentt they dear miss manners for about three years six of us have been meeting monthly for dinner and the Opportunity to Chew the fat together sometimes about philosophical serious matters More often just to laugh. One of us is a family Counselor and therapist one a lawyer one a teacher one has her own educational consulting business and i own a retail store. We thought the original group would be extremely compatible Atid we were almost right a except for one Friend a real estate agent whom i brought in. She is my old Friend and is when one on one very entertaining. But in a group she is difficult a self cent Rcd and not really aware of the give and take needed to make his kind of relationship succeed. She has increasingly been making things uncomfortable for the rest who have come to the Point of being frustrated with her personality. So am i. We Are All too polite to confront her a thus far. Gentle Reader you Are right that there is no polite Way to say a a you re spoiling our  but neither is there any polite Way of doing what anyone not in the etiquette business would probably suggest a namely ganging up on this person and lambasting her with critiques a for her own  As you Point out she has other charms. There is no Call to break her apart to rebuild her to the group specifications. The Only Way to exclude one member from a recognized group is to disband the group and form another one. Anything else would be too cruel. After you lie Low for a month or two you can meet again but in a different place. Should word get Back to the excluded member it should be made Clear that the group had not resumed but that All of you being friends you do see one another from time to Lime. A unfold feature Syndicate a. Fooling incorrect address your etiquette questions in Black or Blue Brack Ink on Wiite writing paper to miss manners p.o., to 91420, Cleveland Ohio 44101-3428. The i ital shortage prevents miss manners from answering questions except through this column. Tomaschoff Dusseldorf German burning sensation that comes with ignoring advice Erma Bombeck when i was a Little kid i did no to know anything. I knew that was True because everyone told me so. People wanted to help me get smarter by picking out my friends my College my career and telling me How i should live my life and avoid making mistakes. I did no to listen to any of them. I figured How hard could learning about life be All you had to do was color within the lines. I did no to want to wait until i was 6 to Start first Grade so i went a year Early and fell asleep at the desk every afternoon. Not a smart decision. When i was 9, my Mother was napping and i. Sneaked out with my Cousin to an amusement Park and burned my Arm so badly on the slide i needed medical attention. Big goof. When someone said food was hot i ate it and burned my Mouth. When i was told that fire hurts i ignited an entire Book of matches that burned the skin off the Palm of my hand. When it was suggested i get my bicycle off the Street for the night i did no to do it. It was stolen. I listened to no one. I blew three weeks salary on a pair of shoes that killed my feet. I picked my own College to study journalism. After the first semester the Counselor recommended i take a secretarial course and get married. When i had children i thought a look what i can do with this treasure House of experience and Wisdom i have . I quickly discovered what my Mother knew All along. There Are two things you must do by yourself give birth and live your own life. If you done to do it by yourself you will never mature develop resilience or learn by your mistakes. I said to my Mother the other Day a i Wasny to such a bad kid was i a. A you always had Good posture a she said. Universal press Syndicate no kidding recent auction prices 1. Elvis Presley guitar a $150,000 2. Madonna a Nightie a $16,500 3. Joan Crawford a 1945 Oscar a $63,500 4. Used soviet space suit a $49,500 5. Frankenstein 1931 movie poster a $193,000 6. Sharon stones ice pick from Basic instinct a $4,125. Forbes mag Nina a Why they re called a endangered species 1. Red Wolf a fewer than 20 left in the wild 2. Sea Otter a about 1,800 left 3. Mexican Wolf a fewer than 50 left 4. Giant Panda a about 1,000 left 5. Mountain Gorilla a fewer than 400 left 6. American Crocodile a about 300 left this data is two years old but is the latest available endangered species of the world Page 10 sunday june 26, 1034