European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - July 10, 1994, Darmstadt, Hesse                                I we  a. I miss manners a Judith Martin Der mias manners Why is it that whenever a Large group of people cat out together there Are always problems coming up with enough Money to cover the Bill and enough to leave a decent tip Why does everyone when adding up in their Heads How much to throw in always forget tax and tip and sometimes the dessert and the few drinks they had and base it Only on the amount of their entree a. A a. A As an sex waitress i experienced this from one Side and recently As a customer from the other Side. Everyone throws Money info the Center of the table until one person takes charge of counting it. After they come up very Short there is another round of a pitching in a Little extra Quot and the Bill is just barely covered with a few dollars left for an embarrassing tip. My aunt Uncle and their grown children were in town so my parents my sister and i All went out to dinner with them a about 15 people including grandchildren. We had wonderful service from a very polite lady and our Bill was Over $103. When All was said and done there was a $7 tip left a about 7 percent. A Quot Ai made sure i was completely covered for my $13 part of the total Bill by putting in $18 for my portion of tax and tip and a Little extra just in Case. Is there a polite Way to say a they Guys this lady gave us great service and she deserves More than a 7 percent tips i was afraid of offending someone in my family. Gentle Reader although personally aware of the problem you describe a to the extent of having Learned How expensive it is to be the last person to leave a restaurant after a group meal a miss manners does not attribute it to stinginess or chicanery. She blames the restaurant Billing system. The systems of tipping and of separate bar Bills encourage people to think of their expenses As being smaller than they actually Are. The Long term solution she keeps suggesting to very Little Avail is that restaurants like other businesses pay the total wages of their employees rather than making them dependent on the whims of the clients. The prices listed on the menu would then correspond More closely to those undertaken. Schwa Ohos Usa but of dear then there is also the tax. Anyway it is wandering fro your problem. The solution to that is for someone a preferably someone in Possession of a calculator a to take on the Job of treasurer. This consists of More than just counting the Money and reporting a shortfall for which no one will feel responsible. One must say to each a you had the flounder a did you have drinks dessert of let me see what that adds up to with the tip and  and one then assigns the amount. A this is perceived As a help rather that an insult. No one will have been charged with deceit Only with an inability to do arithmetic. And for some reason no one takes offence at that. Dear miss manners i would like to know who Speaks first a Man or a woman. I have been taught it is always the Man. Gentle Reader miss manners is curious to know who taught you a Man or a woman. In any Case it Wasny to someone in the etiquette business. Even under the most gender conscious of old fashioned rules it was always the lady who spoke first so that she and not he would have the option of conversing or not. Adear miss manners what should one do when a Friend or acquaintance Calls on the phone and then docs not take responsibility for carrying the conversation several times i have had someone Call me and. Then stay on the line with nothing to say. Thus there is a silence which makes me uncomfortable but the person does not end the Call. I usually end up saying something like a Well ill be going now Quot or a i guess ill talk to you  i feel incorrect though because i wonder if it is my place to end the Call since i did not initiate it. Gentle Reader you Are Correct in believing that the person who made a Telephone Call should be the one to end it just As a guest who shows up in person should be the one to end the visit. But As your experience attests one could die waiting. The polite solution is a skill known As speeding the parting guest. Miss manners is delighted to report that there is a popular new expression designed precisely for doing so on the Telephone. The phrase is a a Well i wont keep you Quot it has the polite advantage of seeming to worry about intruding rather than being intruded on and is thus an improvement on such previous expressions As you mention or the various versions of a i think i hear my Mother calling  United feature Syndicate feeling incorrect address your etiquette questions in Black or Blue Black Ink on White writing paper to miss manners , bos 91428, Cleveland Ohio 44101-3423. The Quill shortage prevents miss manners from answering questions except through this column. I a Turner Colchester England it "11 say this Noah certainly knows How to put an Ark  Between . And the Aba Erma Bombeck i t was called the most riveting television in history. About 75 million viewers thought so As. They watched the car carrying . Simpson on a tour of the . Freeways from heaven. They were Kinder and gentler highways than most remembered where cars pulled Over to let you by and a dozen police cruisers followed to make sure you arrived Home safely. In the lower right hand Comer of the to screen the fifth game of the Aba finals Between the new York kicks and the Houston rockets was being played out. A. Add to this drama two people in Phoenix my husband and i going nuts trying to follow it All at the same time. A would you listen to those fans they re really fired up Quot said my husband a from new York a a no the ones lining the freeway and the Over. Passes waving to   a the problem is he has no defense Quot i complained. �?oo.j.?�?~ a a a no Patrick  a look they re accelerating Quot he said. A a they a better. There a Only four seconds left on the shot clock.�?�. A a in a talking about the getaway car Quot a i hate to see them dig a Hole for themselves. Its going to be Tough for them/1 said. �?oo.j.?�?�  As the evening went on the spectacle got bigger and the basketball picture got smaller. We sit around that to set for months at a time watching tasteless game shows hucksters Selling doorknobs with built in alarm systems for $ 19.95, and More bad drama than we care to remember. Then on the same night at the same time we get More action than we can follow. As an average viewer in a telling you or. Network a a done to Ever offer two things like this on the same night again a Universal press Syndicate. A no kidding insurance values for sports trophies 1. World cup a insured for $200,000 a Stanley cup a $75,000 3. Borg Wamer indy 500 trophy a $1 million 4. Ryder cup a $50,000 5, Davis cup a insured for $150,000 recent summer and Winter olympic Gold medals Worth $4,195 each a. The 1994 information please sports almanac a driving Over Here 1. Bulgaria a must have fire extinguisher in car 2. Italy a fines up to $500 paid on spot 3. Ireland a kids under 12 in Back seat Only 4. Denmark a must carry breakdown Triangle 5. Finland a headlights on Day and night world features Syndicate a Page 10 sunday july 10. 1904