European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - July 10, 1994, Darmstadt, Hesse Playing the Tor big Bucks Joe Bob Briggs goes to the drive in Oil know what would happen if one of these super duper 20-Mfllion-megaton nuclear outer space comets hit the United states and put a pile of cigarette ashes where California used to be of course you do we d spend the next 30 years arguing Over whose fault it was. Because today in America everything bad that happens has to be paid for. There Are Stilt people in Al Lay who Are furious that the government did no to give pm Money for their houses that got knocked off their stilts and tumbled Down the mountains during the earthquake. After All the government did something wrong or else they cd still have a House. Every time there s a Hurricane somebody says a this country should be better prepared Fox something like . Simpson goes berserk rides up and Down the freeway with a pistol to his head and everybody says a Well the police should have known he was Gonna do that and prepared for so if one of these monster comets shows up next year and Heads for Uruguay. Who cares but if it Points anywhere near an american shopping mall we re Gonna Start demanding our rights. We have a right to keep All comets out of this country. Shannon Whirry stars if they do land in this country we have a right to survive. And if we do survive but they mangle the swing set in the backyard then we have a right to get $50,000 each from. Well. From god no too hard to collect. From the. From the. From the naval Observatory they should have warned us. Why should we be expected to keep track of hurtling asteroids the Comet dents our car somebody is really Gonna pay. Maybe they can mess with Jupiter but you done to Wanna see traffic court the Day after it hits us. Speaking of natural disasters we be got the old oversexed sister who sleeps with your Boyfriend plot in Mirror images ii not to be confused with last weeks Mirror Mirror 2one of the finest identical twin flicks of the last six months. Shannon Whirry is a Good Catholic girl who is just trying to maintain a relationship with her Boyfriend when her evil identical twin gets Nek kid with him one afternoon and the poor Guy does no to realize he just had sex with the wrong sister. Dad is not pleased. Unfortunately dad soon takes a plunge Down the staircase Dies of Noggin damage and the twin Sisters spend the next 10 years dealing with the guilt of Black and White flashbacks. One becomes a Hooker. One becomes a bored housewife. And then the bored housewife Scop husband goes to a Hooker one Day and. Yes you already know done to you my Only question is How come in these movies. There a always one Good twin and one evil twin Why we have a plot just once where they were both Rotten and Nasty and then they could try to out Nasty each other. Meanwhile we see a lot of Shannon Whirry in this one if you i mean and i think you do. Four dead bodies. Twenty eight breasts. Multiple aardvark ing. Drive in Academy award nominations for Whirry As the evil twin for saying a a in be got an overheated everything a just like Mother Whirry Ashe Nice sister for saying a i done to abhor sex and Kristine Kelly As the psychotherapist who has sex with her clients As part of be rape. Three stars Joe Bob says Check it out. Joe bobs advice to the hopeless Victory Over communism the 66 Park in theatre on Watson Road in Crestwood mo., announced its a a final season a for about the 17th time a and then was suddenly granted new life. Barbara me Donald of Columbia reminds us that with eternal vigilance the drive in will never die. Dear Joe Bob it has gotten even harder to admit that in a from Arkansas. How were we supposed to know when we moved Here from Houston in 1981 that Billy would be president or co president with Hillary ? thanks for helping me keep things like this in perspective. Jeanne Mcpherson mount Ida Ark. Dear Jeanne As a former citizen of the land of Opportunity i remember when the Only things we had to worry about were Guys who wanted to go Barefoot while serving in the is much worse. Dear Joe Bob. I loved your essay on a company in be known about a company policy for years but still enjoyed the Way you told it like it is. It was especially timely As i read it a few Days before moving to Northern Nevada where i have encountered postal officials who did no to want to give me a . Box until i had received mail at my new Street address a company policy for two weeks. A refused to open an account for me until i acquired a Nevada Drivers License a Bank policy and an fio other that did no to want to in Mirror images 11. Open a business account because a we done to open accounts for mail order i won All those Battles. Now in a going a few rounds Over merchant. Services for visa and Mastercard privileges. They done to like to let a email order firms accept those cards. A matter of a company policy Quot in Mac ginning to think that a email order merchant is a new discriminated against minority. Jerry Mead Carson City Nev. Dear Jerry before you know it visa and Mastercard will Stop approving phone sex companies too. What Are they supposed to say a they baby you make me hot. Got a discover card a dear Joe Bob have you Ever done an article on producer actor Earl Owensby the Guys stuff is great. I wrote him once asking if i could get hired As a Crew member on any of his films no response Michael Mcquarrie North Vancouver British Columbia dear Michael Owensby shut Down his film studio and is devoting his life to religious theme Parks. In a not kidding. A. Creators Syndicate and on 0.j up with Down coverage Lind Ellerbee to discuss the meaning of life with Joe Bob or to get tree junk in the mail and Joe Bob s world famous newsletter write Joe Bob Briggs . Box 2002, Dallas Texas 75221. Joe Bob s lax line is always open 214 363-2310. A guess i can to keep from writing about this sad Story again any More than i and the rest of America seemingly can keep from Reading about it watching it listening to it and talking to one another about it. Perhaps if i were a better person. But in a not. In a a journalist a and . Simpson whatever else you might say about him has been is and will continue to be one hell of a Story. That a part of the problem now., the Media has become More than the message. In the beginning when asked How i thought the Media were covering this Story i said they were doing a pretty Good Job especially when you considered the Opportunity for doing otherwise. When i said that i was speaking about what i must now begin referring to As a the mainstream National Media a which had shown actual restraint in what they said on the air. Sure i had seen coverage by a few local los Angeles stations we have a satellite dish that bordered on Siviy to stupid but hey that a . Or so i said to myself at the time. Now it seems that lots of otherwise responsible members of the Media Are having a hard time showing restraint and Basic fairness about this Story. In a not speaking about organizations such As the new York Post which once upon a time before Rupert Murdoch was a real newspaper but. Has been reduced to running stories that begin , Simpson is being haunted by his dead sex wife Nicole a in the Case of that Story those who got As far As the second paragraph Learned that the posts source for this Story was Star another upright Murdoch paper and at least As credible As the National enquirer or my next door neighbors aunt Fannie. But time Magazine i done to know about you but i certainly expected something better of time than that altered and ultimately deceiving photograph of . That appeared on times cover under the words a an american time took the police Mug shot of Simpson and let an artist play with it. The result a considerably Darker Simpson sporting what looks like a three Day stubble of Beard. Very much More sinister looking than the original. Face it in that picture the Man looked guilty of something. I was not the Only one offended. There was enough of a protest that time ran what amounted to a full Page apology for the tampered picture or a As time Calls it a the photo illustration interesting phrase Isnit it a photo illustration is that like a True lie. Keep in mind that time did what it did simply in order to a improve on stupid really. As any journalist with half a brain has realized by now in this Story reality can to be improved upon. This is going to get More complicated folks More confusing and much More silly before its Over. Too bad since a Many a life hangs in the balance. One answer is to read nothing about the Case. Not Likely. Probably the Best any of us could do is to identify those news sources we Trust if any and ignore the rest. But what ill do is read it All and believe almost none fit. Perhaps if i were a better person. And so it goes. King features Syndicate july 10, 1994 sunday Page 21
