European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - July 10, 1994, Darmstadt, Hesse A question that hits Home Why do women stay by Rowland nethaway Waco Texas Tribune Herald longtime Friend married a Man who . She Kepi to to herself from her friends co workers and parents she told me about it i suppose Quot because 1 lived in another City and had less Chance to meddle a i never Laid eyes Oil her husband. Everyone liked him she said. Intelligent witty charming and polite. My longtime Friend could be described the same Way. She had several degrees from Good colleges. She kept up with current events had a keen interest in politics and was an outspoken advocate of worn ends rights. Quot a a a a after her marriage she discovered her husband had a Darker Side. It started Small but got worse. He would Fly into rages. He punched a Hole in a Wall. I told her to get out before he punched her out. She said it was More complicated than that. It was her House. Then throw him out. She do that. She was afraid. So Call the police. No that would make things pack her things move out and get a lawyer. To evict the bum. No that work either. She did t want to leave her House move in with friends or relatives or stay by herself. What she wanted was for her husband to change his abusive behaviour. But if he wont act to resolve the problem then you have to. She knew that but it Wasny to easy. What a so hard Tell him to toe the line or hit the Road. I did no to understand she said. That was True. Since that conversation some years ago i be Learned that Domestic violence is the nations leading cause of injury among women. But i never understood Why a woman would put up with an abusive husband or Boyfriend particularly women fortunate enough to have options. Domestic violence is at the Center of the . Simpson Saga. Simpson is said to have abused his wife for years beating her and threatening her life. If there is a Chance for any Good to come out of the tragedy involving .�?Ts arrest for the brutal murders of his former wife and her Young Friend surely it will be the Light shed on Domestic violence described As Quot americans dirty Little secret a on a recent 77ns week with David Brinkley columnist George will asked an expert on Domestic violence the question that has Long puzzled me. A a Why do women stay a will asked Lynne Gold Bikin the incoming chairman of the american bar association s family Law Section and founder of the Abas committee on Domestic violence. A fair question a answered Gold Bikin. A there is something called the battered spouse syndrome that a lot of people done to believe. But what happens is the first time he hits her he says a i am so Sony. You know i did t mean to do that. But you know if you done to get the dinner on the table fast it gets me really Quot the second time he smacks her pretty Good and he apologizes again. But each successive time it s with that Little Jab a if you had just done this a but you know i love you.�?T. A and gradually she begins to believe that the beating is her fault. These women begin to lose their self esteem. They think that if they could just be faster better smarter prettier it would get perhaps that was what trapped my longtime Friend. Her abuse turned out to be More than verbal. But she got out. Her advice now is to never allow that first abusive incident to pass unchallenged. Its a deadly trap. Co Tiews service naked gun 32 the final insult a a re for the in the by Alison Taylor special to new Day i was in the Beauty shop As it All was happening. A room full of Black women on a hot june night in Pasadena calif., watching the worlds first interactive movie Chase scene dude Road trip to Brentwood this of. Thing going Down on a portable Black and White to. Blow dryers were stopped for better hearing hot curlers were left in a Little too Long because no one could take her eyes off the screen. A room full of Black women trying to common sense it All a Well if. She thought he might Kilt her what was she doing living two Miles from him a then rationalizing a i guess she thought those babies needed their silence As we put ourselves in Nicole Simpsons shoes. Agreement As we watched , and a Cowlings while they Thelma and Louise edit up the san Diego freeway. Then a Little too loudly from under the Hood dryer somebody said what we were All thinking. A girl there s another Black Man let me Tell you something about How being Black is different from being White. Of this May not be True for every Black person. Ill Only speak for myself and other Black people i know. Maybe its different where you Are. Whenever something happens a a murder a bombing school children held hostage disgruntled former employee goes on a rampage. Arson fire bums Down a whole Community a whenever some kind of Man made disaster happens Black people hold their breath hoping and praying that the responsible party is not one of us. Sure we respond to the tragedy we Grieve for the loss of life but its All just a Little worse somehow if the perpetrator is Black. See How that works an armed Man takes a bus of school children hostage. A White person says a i Hope the children Are All i say a i Hope the children Tare All right and the gunman Isnit disappointed Vancouver canucks. Fans riot in the streets when their team loses the Stanley cup. White people say a what a shame. Can you believe it a Black people say a thank god some White people Are rioting somewhere. They can to say its always being Black also affects the function of internal Organ such As the heart. Of. Simpson explode in what looks like a a a be not guilty yet he s not guilty yet chant it like a mantra be not guilty yet in what looks like a burst of jealousy rage and general mental meltdown. The country say a your hearts arc a Black person says a the same spot in my heart that Wax bruised Over Clarence Thomas Mike Tyson Michael Jackson tupac shakur and Colin Ferguson the same spot that gets bruised by the nightly loud news Parade of Black hands in Handcuffs has been re bruised. I guess my heart is made of stuff that just takes pain but wont relieve me by being Black also gives you a special Power of hear my. America Tut tuts Over the fall of a hero. It says a How could this happen to .? he had it All Quot we hear a see. I told you so. Lock up your daughters. No matter How famous or Haw Rich they Are you just can to Trust those niggers. That a just the Way they please Tell me in a just being paranoid. I done to think you can. Black people have special tears to. Its True. We cry tears that have already been cried before re cycled tears. We heave a special sigh a 400-year-old sigh a sigh that begins in Othello schambers races through history and passes Over Young Emmett till swirls around Rodney King and now greets . In los Angeles county a jail. Our grief is the grief of people who know what it is to have the evidence stacked against us a people who have heard a a guilty so Many times before peo pie who know what a a it a Gonna take a Miracle to get out of this one really Means. . Leaves us armed with nothing but our tears and sighs to make the Case for the Black Man. He leaves me with the Burden of proof to push Back the seeming River of evidence a the bloody Glove the blood stained driveway a that says rage and crime come to us naturally that the Black Man is to be feared on All counts. The trouble is that ill never get to Call my witnesses. You la never meet my father or uncles or cousins or my Brothers and friends a Black men who live peacefully who done to beat their wives. They done to get a Chance to testify. O Takes the words right out of their Mouths. Yet Here is the deepest truth we cry special recycled tears for the victims because we especially know what it is to be caught in circumstances that Are not of our making. African americans know what it is to be minding our own business to be caught unawares to struggle and to go Down fighting to be left by the Side of the Road brutalized. We know what it is to think you Are sure who someone is and to realize with your final breath that that person is altogether someone else. Alison Taylor is a free Lance writer in los Angeles and was Story editor for tvs Floe. Page 20 sunday july 10,1994
