European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - July 17, 1994, Darmstadt, Hesse Who has the time for Joe Bob Briggs Gaes to Hie drive in before i Tell you about sexual outlaws which does not Star Macaulay Culkin i wanted to ask a few questions about these people who advertise that they re haying orgies in their House. In the �?T70s they would of been called swingers. In the �?T80s they would of been called savings and loan executives. In the �?T90s its just. Well. Almost Norma. There Are actually people who get up in the morning stare into their frosted flakes and say a you know what Honey for next weekend id like to take out an and inviting four or five strangers to come Over and get Nek kid with us. Unless you a rather go Bowling or and the wife says a wok As Long As i can get mom to pick up Little Jimmy at summer a we could pick him up the next Day after we Hose Down the a a it a such a Sweet idea. Now i remember Why i married you.�?�. 1 i mean is this really happening i Sec these movies and Magazine articles and Weir Beard Cable to shows where the same stuff that would have gotten you fired from your Job in 1978 is now something to talk about at the water cooler. A not that in a a prude or anything but who has time for this that would be my no. L question. Are there actually Guys out there who hold Down a Job take care of a wife raise children and still have a time for other Nek kid people ? there a a certain. Point where you can have Only so Many conversations on the phone with people who Start out a a in la be thinking about you All weekend anticipating your you get the Drift a you know the kind of conversation that does no tend till nine hours later. Sex is a full time Job when its one person. We be got people aardvark ing All Over the planet with entire synchronized swimming teams. All right All right All right i know it sounds like fun. But if you re Gonna do this Guys you better enrol in the Marcus Aurelius instant recall workshop because if you Ever forget a name or a face you re Gonna end up like the Guy in the burning bed you know what i mean it la be like having seven sex wives All at the same time. Just order the Playboy Channel of its a lot cheaper. Speaking of the Kinky olympics this new flick sexual outlaws is the Story of a typical couple who own a swingers Magazine Only they fake a lot of pictures for the ads for a Amateur videos a and Erika West As the bored wife makes up All the sexy stuff to put in the scripts and her husband Mike Mccol Low hires actors to get Nek kid and act like they re sexually bored couples. So at the end of a Long Day of this Mike is a Little tuckered out anti head usually rather watch the lakers game so the wife starts answering lust letters from a mute sex con Mitch Gaylord who likes to take pictures of hookers and pretend he a married to pm. Pretty soon one of the hookers turns up David and Well she goes fortunately the police Are dumb As a Box of rocks. Two dead bodies. Twenty four breasts. Multiple is to Erika West and Mitch Gay Lor in sexual outlaws. Aardvark ing. Goofy postal inspectors. Drive in Academy award nominations for Nicole Grey As the Nasty Lesbo Hooker for saying a a you re my Sweet baby girl a i want to take care of you and a a done to you Ever say no to me a a Mccollow As the practical husband for saying a some things Are better left in your a cad a West As the oversexed executive housewife for saying a sometimes when you lose one of your senses the others get better and Gaylord As the mute sex con Bank robber for saying nothing. Three stars. Joe Bob says Check it out. Joe bobs advice to the hopeless Victory Over the �?T90s the Ceres drive in in mod Esto calif., opened in 1948 and continues to press toward the 21st Century under the management of Stacy Lytic who also runs a Flea Market during the Day. Peter osterholm reminds us that with eternal vigilance the drive in will never die. Dear Joe Bob i work graveyard As a sergeant in the local jail Here in Portland no Linda Blair has not been Here nor any of the other a women in we Only have two drive ins left Here 1 Over half a million people. Pretty pathetic huh when i was a teen Ager growing up in Roseburg Ore. We had four drive ins and 16,000. People. Times Are changing. I used to be Able to go to a triple horror Bill and the Sun would be coming up when it was Over. Of Well i guess video does have some advantages. John Elligh Tigard Ore. Dear John. You know i done to think its looking Good for Portland. Drive in a dying. Cappuccino everywhere. Gourmet bakeries. Please. Do what you can. Dear Joe Bob. Yep our boys Are just trying to give the overworked overfed oversexed and understated female population a break from the Rigours of constant male attention. Nope no need to hide behind a hairy face in Kodiak just break out the White shoulders and you re set for life. Toni Meads a Kodiak Alaska dear Toni Are you telling me there Are drag Queens in Alaska the mind boggles. Creators Syndicate a to discuss the moaning Oliie with Joe Bob or to get tree junk in the mail and Jos bobs world famous newsletter write Joe Bob Briggs . Box 2002, Dallas Texas 75221. Joe Bob s fax line is always open 2t4 368-2310. Minds and Money Linda Ellerbee j he Federal communications commission held hearings two weeks ago in Washington and although very few members Media were there to see what Hap Pencel the hearings were important especially to those among us who have a or Ever contemplate having a children. The subject was children a television. As in what can or should be done to make it better the problem you see is one of Money. Although i like to believe their hearts Are in the fight places Many people who own or run networks or stations also have children broadcasters have not been eager to Load their schedules with educational children a programming for the simple reason that commercial broadcasting in America is just that a commercial. Broadcasters make their Money from advertisers who pay them to buy time on their air. What advertisers Are willing to pay depends on How Well a show does in the ratings a in other words How Many people Are watching. And truth of the matter is that even the Best shows will not get the same ratings Asoh . Joe a or anything else with animated superheroes and things that go Boom. So. An honest dilemma the acc held hearings to see what broadcasters and child advocacy broadcasters and child advocacy groups thought should be done about the situation. There were plenty of suggestions. Ill outline some of them and you can see what you think. Who knows you May even want to Fet the acc know what you think before it decides what its going to do. Peggy Charren founder of action for children a television said she thought the commercial broadcasters might consider throwing in the Towel had Mitt ing defeat a and instead of trying to produce kid to that was Worth something they might All pay a tax of some sort that would then be Given to to produce All the educational television for children. The broadcasters who were there did not seem to care for the idea. Some child advocacy groups recommended each network or station be required to put on at least one hour a Day of educational children a programming. The broadcasters who were at the hearings liked that even less. David Britt head of children a television workshop suggested that educational to for kids should be 1 developed with the assistance of educational advisers 2 created to fulfil explicit written educational goals and 3 tested for its educational effectiveness following its broadcast. There were other suggestions and there Are going to be a whole lot of More As the acc tries to figure out How to make everybody Happy on this Issue . It can to be done. I was at the hearings because the acc asked me to moderate them. I was glad i went and not because i produce children a television. I actually Learned things not the least of which is that there is no simple solution to what seems to be a but is not a simple problem. Nor is there any real villain. There Are victims and they Are All the kids in America who deserve better to than they get. But then done to we All and so it goes. July 17,1994 sunday Page 21
