European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - July 31, 1994, Darmstadt, Hesse                                A % miss manners Judith Martin dear miss manners would you kindly Shine some Light on the annoying habit of talking the food to death at the Tabic i have become increasingly reluctant to share a meal with my sainted Mother because of the conversation about ingredients texture temperature portion size preparation time comparisons with a last time i fixed it Quot and nausea. T lose my appetite. Gentle Reader there used to be a Rule against any discussion of food at the table a and Mellow old miss manners relaxed it just enough to allow people to give  now she a sorry. Mothers Arentt so difficult. You can always distract them by asking advice. But the food fusses Are going to drive us All mad. Dear miss mariners at an elegant restaurant where my husband and i had dinner the waiter was quite Friendly and unpretentious. After we gave him our order and he made no move to pick up the menus i handed my menu to him later on my husband informed me that my behaviour was gauche and that i should have left the menu for the waiter to remove. That seems awfully snobby to me. A gentle Reader gauche snobby a those Are harsh words to use Over a gesture so trivial it Isnit even covered by its own etiquette Rule. Yes you should basically let the waiter do his Job without offering the kind of assistance you might give to a Host. But if there is airy difficulty a if he can to easily reach the menu for example or you want to get it out of your Way before he collects it a making a tiny Effort to solve the problem is both courteous and sensible. A however never mind the waiter for the moment. Can you two just be More polite to each other dear miss manners for a special treat i took my son to a movie of his Choice. We arrived Early and chose Good viewing seats a i always place him on the aisle so he can see around a big  the theater was very crowded. Just As the movie was beginning a Mother and her handicapped daughter arrived she was using crutches and was i assume a victim of cerebral palsy. The Mother asked if we would move Down so the daughter could sit on the aisle. At hesitated she quickly spied two aisle seats closer to the screen. Although i have considerable sympathy for the handicapped this would have prevented my son from having a Clear View.  they have arranged to arrive Early for Choice seats a. Levin Usa f a let the record reflect that the defendant fully cooperated with the television camera Crew that was taping his arrest. Gentle Reader first come first served is a Good Rule but miss manners trusts it is not the Only one you wish to teach your son. If you have sympathy for those with problems surely you wish him to develop this As Well. Done to you yes no you just want him to be Able to see. Miss manners sympathizes with this reasonable and maternal desire. But she begs you not to let it prompt yowl to demonstrate that one should Only look after oneself and ones own. Lets see if we can manage both. Suppose you were to respond to the Parent and child by saying a of course a let me see if perhaps someone else can spare an aisle seat for my son who has trouble seeing . What will happen then is that the other Mother will say a never mind let me find another Row a and that others who overhear the conversation will Volunteer their seats. You say not a that everyone will stick to what they perceive As their rights regardless of anyone else a More compelling needs Only miss manners maintains if their own parents skipped the lesson she is urging you to teach. Dear miss manners when my marriage ended in divorce several years ago i  engagement ring. When my daughter and her Boyfriend were planning their engagement they asked if they could use the Stone for her ring. I was delighted to find such a Good use for it and gave the ring to her Boyfriend. He had the Stone reset at considerable expense and presented the ring to her. Shortly be fore they were to be married my daughter called off the wedding. She offered to return the ring but he refused to take it because the Stone came from our family. We feel she should not keep the ring but Are Uncertain about proper handling of the situation. Gentle Reader miss manners saw right off that this is not a problem with widespread general application. But she is thrilled to receive it. It touched her heart because it is so refreshingly unlike the usual questions about rings in defunct engagements which feature some appallingly greedy tugs of War. How Nice of your daughter and you to insist that be take Back the ring which is the usual Rule in regard to broken engagements. And How Nice of the Young Man to realize that this is a special Case in which strict obedience to one Rule would violate the spirit of that Rule. In fact they both sound so Nice that miss manners is disappointed not to be Able to wish them happiness together. She wishes them happiness separately. And of yes about that problem. You should keep the ring. It is your Stone and you May find some other use for it. The idea is to return the no longer applicable symbols to their original owners a and the most important part of the ring was yours. United feature Syndicate feeling lncorrect7 address your etiquette questions in Black or Blue Black Ink on Whito writing paper to miss manners . Box 91428, Cleveland Ohio 4410-3420. The Quill shortage prevents miss Marv nors Tom answering questions except through this column a Steiner Usa 0 1994, canc piss amp woj Tai syn can Dpi a discovering the generation Gap with daughter Erma Bumbeck a couple of months ago i took my daughter to work with me to bolster her self esteem As a woman. Ever since she has been very depressed. I done to understand it. I showed her my Home office my Pencil Jar Carbon paper and my ism. Quot this is where it All happens a i said proudly. A when did you Stop Chisling the column on Stone tablets a she asked dryly. A have you Ever thought of updating this office to the 20th Century a a it works Quot i said. A excuse me in a going to put a Load of laundry in the wish ill be right  when i returned she said a want me to Check your voice mail a. A a a i done to have voice mail a i said. A and i suppose you done to have a portable phone a she asked. A Why would i want a portable phone with More of a social life than i have a i had her observe me while i put a piece of paper in the typewriter and slugged it with a Date. Then i said a what Doyon want for lunch Quot a i done to care. Where Arete going a a to the Kitchen. Your father knocks off about this time every Day. Yell Down the Hall and see if tuna is of with him.�?�. After i put the remains of lunch away we returned to the office where i put Down a few lines. The Doorbell rang and i was Busy for the next  telling the roofer where it leaked during the last rainstorm. When i returned my daughter was trying to bring order to my desk. I wrote solid nonstop for five minutes then remembered i Hadnot taken anything from the Freezer to defrost for dinner. A do you want me to open the mail while you re in the Kitchen a she asked. Quot if you do it will take away every positive feeling you be Ever had about yourself.�?�. At 4 30 i pushed away from the typewriter and said Quot jeopardy is on. We re finished for the  later i heard my daughter telling a Friend on the phone a no wonder mom does no to have any self esteem. She a still a Kitchen Drudge. Its too bad she never had a real career. She a a pretty Good  in a gab at or c 55 synd icat no kidding big numbers 1. Ages of oceans a 3,8 billion years old 2. Temperature on Neptune s or Oon Triton a 400 degrees a 3. Number of solar systems a estimated 100 quintillion 4. Number of species of flowering plants a 750.000 5. Trash made at Rio Earth Summit a 7 tons daily 6. People who classify documents Quot secret Quot a 5,793 documents Are classified Quot secret Quot 17.000 times a Day a world features syn Dipoalo Page 3 sunday july 31, 1504