European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - July 31, 1994, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Open wide a tiny tank is about to enter Dave Barry Joday we present science quadrant a look at some wonderful ideas developed by Brilliant scientists who still vividly remember that the rest of us made fun of them in High school a our Lead item concerns an exciting medical breakthrough robot in your Colon we found out about this thanks to Alert Reader Alice Waugh who sent us the May 18, 1994, Issue of the Massachusetts Institute of technology a tech talk featuring an article about an Mit student who has invented a miniature Remote controlled robot designed to crawl far into your Large intestine. This will be a great Boon to the medical profession which As you know is always looking for new things to stick As far As possible into our various bodily orifices these procedures arc uncomfortable but there san important medical reason Why doctors perform them to win big Cash prizes in the american medical associations Competition to Sec who can insert an object the farthest into a patient. Announcer. And our  Winner this year is Bob bark of Miami who inserted a Sears Garden Hose 87 feet into the Colon of an elderly patient. Who was actually being treated for an car infection there is a standing ovation so you just know that the Colon robot is going to. Be a big hit in the medical Community. Tech talk states that the robot which looks like a tiny tank is equipped with a claw to a grasp and carry objects a and that it a can be operated by a person with a Joystick. But it also functions independently when untethered.�?�. That last statement Wornes a. We done to want a robot of this nature a especially if it has a claw a functioning independently. A they has anybody seen the Colon robot a Quot no but ill keep an Eye too o we wow hey get out of there a at this Point you re asking a How soon can i the medical consumer have this device creeping around in my intestinal tract a the answer unfortunately is a not  the problem is that whatever idiot designed the human body was clearly not thinking in terms of robot Access. According to tech talk the Large intestine Quot is wet Slippery and lacks firm surfaces the robot As currently designed does not a Cuver Well in there it might get stuck inside you and then the medical profession would have to Send in a miniature american automobile association Tow truck robot wearing a tiny Blue uniform with its name a Troy a embroidered Over the shirt pocket. So they re working on building a better Colon robot and we Hope they succeed just As we Hope that one Day scientists will develop the spy Fly we found out about this thanks to Alert Reader a Orrin Grover who sent us a special Issue of the newspaper Federal times Pul out for Public service recognition week which honors government employees motto a you have the wrong depart Sci ill. The Issue begins with a message about improving government written by speaking of robots vice president a1 Gore who makes the following statement which i am not making up about the internal Revenue service a a a. When the irs asked customers what they wanted the irs got a Surprise. Customers wanted simple forms help that is easy to get and very Little Contact with the  we can certainly see How these findings would Surprise the irs just As they would Surprise any Normal american who has spent the past 75 years in cased from head to toe in Cement. But that is  Point. The Point is that this same Issue of Federal times has an article about the Federal governments technology reinvestment project which is spending millions of dollars to develop new technologies for exciting uses such As the spy Fly How would the spy Fly work Federal times asks us to imagine a scenario in which the dictator of a a ferociously aggressive nation is in his underground Bunker planning a nuclear attack. A a a was the dictator talks a says Federal times we arc still not making these quotes Upa a Fly crawls unobserved across the ceiling. The Fly is equipped with a sophisticated electronic listening device far smaller than a human pore. Later the Fly will bring his precious Load of recorded information Back to a . Intelligence  we Here at science quadrant think this would be a Fine use of our tax dollars. The Only potential problems we see Are a the spy Fly might not hang around the attack planning area of the Bunker,1 preferring to spend its time in the Kitchen. A Well we done to know if the dictator is going to attack but we do know he will have me at i oaf for dinner a a a it might he hard to get the spy Fly to return to the . Intelligence officer. A there boy i said Here boy dammit a More a misidentification could Lead to costly accidents. A i hate these annoying.,swat a you idiot that was the spy Fly a a. But we re sure that once these bugs har Are ironed out tire spy Fly will be a great Success just As we Are sure that one Day you the average person Wilt enjoy the benefits of having a clawed robot functioning independently somewhere in  intestine. As opposed to ours. Miami Herald. To Kike be amp ust Sarday july 31, 1994