European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - August 07, 1994, Darmstadt, Hesse                                 miss manners Judith Martin dear miss manners what is your opinion of the old american custom of putting one s shod feet on tables desks and other items of furniture we see pictures of senators chairmen of the Federal Reserve Bank and other prominent persons in this � inspiring posture on the front pages of newspapers on covers of magazines everywhere. So it must be Good manners right. Gentle Reader How s that again if politicians Are doing it it must be Good manners miss manners suggests that you might want to _ read those newspapers rather than just looking at the pictures. Presumably the posture of feet up is intended to convey dedication to work to the Point where even resting must be done on the Job. This is not what it says to voters who have regular jobs where this would not be tolerated. Drawing on their own experience As workers or supervisors they interpret the feet on desk posture As loafing. Dear miss manner we have a Friend who comes Over almost every night unannounced at about 7 45. My husband and i both work full time i get Home at about 630 and he gets Home at about 7 30 or 8. We do not mind having our Friend s com Pany and he leaves when we Are ready to go to bed but my problem is with dinner. We always have to eat with him there. Since he is uninvited and shows up when he wants we feel we should not have to worry about feeding him. But we feel uncomfortable eating in front of him and would like to know if we Are being impolite. Gentle Reader you would think that miss banners who frequently laments the demise of hospitality would congratulate you on yours. And so she would if she did t fear that your very kindness is setting an impossible Standard not Only for Friendship in general but for your own selves. However often and spontaneously one wants to open one s House one should not lose control Over. It. In failing to set any terms at All you have indicated that your convenience is not to be considered at All one Day perhaps innocently your Friend is bound to inconvenience you in a Way that you can Noj Onger stand. And when you then toss him out in the Street literally or figuratively All of you will be puzzled As Well As Hurt. Rather than allowing your generosity to destroy it self miss manners urges you gently to resume charge by saying you know we come Home hungry Why Don t you drop by after dinner say about 9 30?" dear miss manners at a party for an 80 year old one of the guests had the full attention of. Four guests sitting close to him because there was not enough room to move away. He did All the talk ing the others Only nodding. The subject was his boyhood his first Job the Sala Ries in those Days his wife and kids Etc. It never ended.  a rudely or not i was Able to give the listeners re Lief by asking if they d seen my new car and they rushed to the door to look and escape. I did t have a new car. As a senior citizen i am aware that our personalities change and we May not be aware of it nor will most people  with us for fear of hurting our feelings. Gentle Reader miss manners admits to being highly amused at your solution and not unappreciative of your motive in rescuing others from boredom. But she feels obliged to Point out that the problem is not funny. We tend to think that bores Are driven by such a selfish desire to dominate the conversation that they should have to Bear the consequences of being satirized and disliked. But your Story suggests that the speaker May Sim ply have lost his sense of social feedback. Decency requires that you not Point this put to him. Avoid being bored when you can do so tactfully but a cer Tain amount of tolerance will be necessary. Reluctance to discuss this with the offenders for fear of hurting their feelings is something that miss manners thoroughly endorses. Dear miss manners what is the proper Way to Deal with strangers knocking at your door my husband will look through the peephole and often ignore the person until he or she goes away. This presents a problem with the insistent caller stranger and i think it s rude to ignore strangers except perhaps when you re alone. In t it proper after you be looked through the peephole to simply say who is it to unfamiliar faces the ignore method can backfire if you get a stranger who won t go away and keeps knocking. Gentle Reader it is a matter of great regret to miss manners that no reasonable person can now advise a policy of opening one s door to strangers. But she fails to see your distinction Between pre tending not to be Home which at least has the virtue of avoiding a specific Rebuff and asking for identification which would require specifically rebuffing the _ unwelcome. _ _ United feature Syndicate. Feeling incorrect address your etiquette questions in Black or Blue Black Ink on White writing paper to miss manners . Box 91428, Cleveland Ohio 44101-3428. The Quill shortage prevents miss Man ners from answering questions except through this column. New mothers were born to rest a few Days Erma Bombeck not m Bermuda Triangle Santiago Porto Alegre Brazier. � 1994. Cartoonists & Wriles Syndicate now All you mothers out there who have just Given birth this morning and you know who you Are if you want to stayin bed another Day raise your hand. I you re too exhausted just blink. The current custom to whip new mothers in and out of the Hospital faster than 24-hour laundry serv ice is being greeted with mixed emotions. Healthcare providers say it saves a lot of Money. A Hospital Koom for the Mother for an extra Day May Cost As much As $1,300, while the Nursery charges for the baby s second Day run Between $400 and $450. Besides say these providers Many women find it difficult to rest in a Hospital after the birth of a child. The surroundings Are unfamiliar and the atmosphere is hectic. A Reader from South St. Paul minn., disagrees with this policy. Why Don t they just have a drive in window for baby deliveries the woman could climb into the Back seat where she is joined by a doctor to assist. The Hospital property line could run right through the area Between the window and the car. That Way tue Hospital would not have to be liable if anything went wrong because the birth would not take place of Hospital property. They could still make Money by charging $500 for a pad under the woman some Gauze and sutures $450, portable Scales $165, and a Heater $125." i m As frugal As the next one but the phrase that grabbed me was Many women find it difficult to rest in the Hospital where the atmosphere is  compared to what chernobyl experiencing a leak when a woman comes Home with a new baby she had better be prepared to hit the ground run Ning. When women Exchange their nightgowns and Robes for Street clothes it s All Over Little Mother. I had my husband believing giving birth was right up there with discovering penicillin and curing polio. I had done something special. He never stopped to figure out that dropping a baby is easier than getting out of a Book club. I milked it for a couple of weeks _ before i mustered up enough strength to take Oyer _ some of my old chores. Do i feel guilty about that not on your Sweet tintype. If i had my Way i d give every new Mother two _ _ Days in the Hospital and release her with a ticket to a spa where she would while away the week sleeping watching trashy to connecting stretch Marks with dots and observing other people do aerobics. Hey if some men can go to bed for two Days after having their Teeth cleaned new mothers deserve it. Universal press Syndicate no kidding ancient gods with unusual names 1 nut egyptian goddess of the sky 2. Ate greek goddess of discord and _ mischief -.-.-.3. Gun african god of Iron and War 4. Hen egyptian god of the immeasurable 5? Jar sub. Turkish god of the universe 6. Bingo african god who aided mortals be gods r " pages sunday August 7, 1994