European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - August 21, 1994, Darmstadt, Hesse Page 20 the stars and stripes faces n places sunday August m.1994 Charles Diana under scrutiny in 2 new books from the associated press Prince Charles and his estranged wife will Battle it n the bookstores in november with new account opposite sides of the fractured fairy tale marriage Bloid newspapers in London reported saturday Diana Princess of Wales is the subject of a new Book by Andrew Morton author of. A previous boo that gave her Side of a disintegrating marriage. Michael o Mara books confirmed that it will publish Diana her new life on nov. 8, just five Days after Jonathan Dimbleby is to publish his biography the Prince of Wales. Dimbleby has already scored the Royal scoop of the year by getting Charles to admit he had not always been faithful to his and Diana formally separated in december1992. In the interview with Dimbleby broadcast in june Charles denied rumours that he had been unfaithful from the Start of his marriage in 1981. He insisted he had kept his vows until the marriage became irretrievably broken Dimbleby subsequently confirmed that Charles affair had been with Camilla Parker Bowles the Prince s old Friend. Morton s earlier Book Diana her True Story de tailed her jealousy of Parker Bowles. Bobbitt Star subject of flick the director might guard against Yelling Cut Fortis one John Wayne Bobbitt is starring in an adult movie about himself. He s making his Hollywood debut in John Wayn Bobbitt. Uncensored produced by Leisure time entertainment a leading pornographic became famous in june 1993 when his wife Lorena severed his Penis while he slept in their Virginia Home. She told police she did it because Bobbitt sexually assaulted her. Bobbitt will play himself in the movie his manage Aaron Gordon said Friday. Filming was scheduled to begin soon. Bobbin s Penis was reattached surgically and he was acquitted of marital sexual abuse in november. A jury in january found Lorena Bobbitt innocent by reason fins Anity of mutilating her husband. The film starring Veronica Brazil As Lorena Bobbitt should be in stores by september. Fans endure Pun Ishmen the contest was for putrid puns and the Winner Shore had enough to stink up the whole Jersey Shore. Faster than you could say Send him to a penitent iary Joseph Ganiel put a billiard rack on his head i m racking my brain blew air through a paper cup i m whistling Dixieland stuck a photograph of Diana her new life written by Andrew mor ton about the Princess of Wales will compete with a biography of Prince Charles when both hit bookstores in Early november. Clark Gable behind an empty picture Frame gab let. Ganiel associate pastor at Queen of apostles Churchin Pennsville n.j., was obviously the Cream of a malnourished crop. The other six contestants were so bad the 75-person audience did t even groan. It just winced. So it went Friday at Ocean City n.j., in the inaugural putrid Pun contest the conclusion of what is known As. Weird week a series of offbeat events that included a wet to shirt contest in which the object was to see How far you could throw one. The Pun contest is the creation of Mark Soifer theman behind such demented parodies As the miss crustacean Beauty contest and a weather predicting Hermit crab named Martin z. Mollusk. Soifer began the festivities by leading the crowd in Asing along to the tune of twinkle twinkle Little Star. Tinkle tinkle Little Pun Pun for All and All for Pun they Sang. Then came Ganil the first contestant with a win Ning Pun collection that included these when they asked me to do this i had to Check my colander he said holding up a Kitchen Strainer. He held up two toy Bumble bees their backsides toward the audience. What s this housework lags As grandma lives editor s note dear Abby is on a two week vacation. Following is a selection of some of her favorite past letters from the Early 1970s. Dear Abby i Arn writing to you about a family problem. My grandmother just got married again. Grandpa died 12years ago and grandma has lived with us Ever since. Grandma owns the House but my dad did All the re modelling keeps it up so it s really More like ours anyway All those years grandma said she did t Needa Man but All of a sudden she found this Guy Andev Grything changed. She s Happy and just like a kid new husband moved into our House and is. Shar ing grandma s room. He claims he has heart trouble so All he does i eat sleep and watch to. Meanwhile grandma Waits on him like he s a King. He loves her desserts so now grandma spends her time cooking an baking which is the Only Good part because the rest of the family is getting lots of Good eats now. She used to mend and Iron our clothes and even clean our rooms but not anymore both my mom and dad work so we kids Are left the housework to do after school. I am sorry grandma Ever found this Lazy old fool. Why Don t old people who Are nearly 60 Settle Down to being alone instead of wanting to be Young again downhearted an overworked dear d. And of you Are overlooking one Small detail. It s grandma s House and As i see it grandma has been the live in Cook housekeeper and baby Sitter for the last 12 years. Sixty is not old Honey. Cheer up and thank god for grandma s newfound Joy. It should happen to every body. -. Dear Abby Ann Landers hairpin in souffle keep Mouth shut dear readers i am on vacation but i have left behind some of my favorite columns that you May have missed the first time around. I Hope you enjoy Landers dear Ann Landers what should a person do if he is dining in the Home. Of a Friend and comes upon a foreign object in the food such As a hairpin in the souffle yesterday i had a similar experience Only it was a worm in a fresh peach that had been sliced and served Over ice Cream. If such a thing happens again what should i do do you fee the hostess would want to know lost my appetite dear lost i Don t think the hostess would want to know keep quiet Honey. Dear Ann Landers ,1 read about that wife who found out her husband was cheating and decided to make his life hell. When i was first married i was a. Very unresponsive bed partner. One Day my husband mailed me a poem. It changed my entire Outlook and saved our marriage i Hope you will print it Ann. Shape up Sophie i took a leg from a table i took the Back from an old chair i took the neck from a bottle from the horse i got the hair i put them All together with some Iron and some glue and i got a darned sight better lovin than i Ever got from you. Your husband just sign me not getting older just getting better dear Ann Landers i m a 17-year-old Guy who needs to know what to now i m Hurt mad insulted and mixed up. I just phoned a girl i like a lot. We be dated some and i thought she liked me. When i asked her if i could come Over after supper she said wait a she thought she had the mouthpiece of the phone covered and i heard he say How can i get rid of this creep he wants to come Over and i Don t want him the she came Back on and said i m sorry but i have to go someplace with my folks How should i act should i let her know i hear what she said double ear dear . Act natural. Don t let on that you heard her. Should be addressed to her at . Box 11 562, Chi c creators Syndicate c3yo, i n-0562.". Dear i am a single mature Young woman who met a Middle aged Bachelor. Within a month he proposed marriage. I thought we should know each other better so i suggested vew Aita . He kept telling me he could t live without me an had to have my answer so i told him i wanted to go away for a week to think things Over. Well you be heard the old saying absence makes the heart grow it must have worked because i really missed him and when i got Home i told him had decided to marry him. Then he told me he wanted a week to think it Over he did t leave town but suggested we not see each other or talk on the phone. After the week was up he asked for another week. Now he tells me he is still not sure and wants a Little More time to make up his mind do you think he is pulling my leg or trying to get even with me a put off dear put off re Muir i m afraid you blew it when you left him for a week a that i lsayin8 Oil of Sig it out of mind that s what happened. Your Friend does t sound like he s ready for marriage yet. At least not to you. Dear Abby a a my wife and i Are in total disagreement about my father in Law s upcoming marriage. My. Wife is mad at her father for personal reasons that i will not go into and she refuses to attend the wedding. She says that should stay Home too. I have no ill feelings against my father a Law As a matter of fact i am very fond of him i want to attend the wedding. My wife says no can you Settle this right away dear puzzled husband puzzled husband so Abb " 1994 1.54 .02 1,70 03 0.49- 02 1.00 .02 0.76 .03.1.65 .02 1.67 .02 037 .02 5,01 .03 1.26 .01 1.259.47 ,0v 9,30 04 0.98 04 1.06 021.93 .18 9.52 .01529 .15 1.27 .05 0.18 .028.30 .01 4.89 .228.30 .04 8.27 .038,33 ,05 4.69 .01, 8181 .01 8.20 .019.17 .04 1.55 .059.79 .04 $.781.68 .01 179 .012.66 .20 9.46 .038.82 .01 3.50 .013.35 .03 9.86 ,12157 9.121.19j.02 .18 ,43 .183,63 .03 7.93 .033.80 .01j.85 .02 j.73 .02 j.75 .011.26 .14 178 ,011.72 .45 176 .02j.59 .01 x59 .17 j.74 .01 .01 .01 j.67 .011.60 ,03 $.16 .021.16 .02 1.61 -.03 .49 .03 m9 .01r.22 .11 1.64 .21 .16-i .021.79 .21 �.27, .04i24 .03 1.30 ,05 1.69 .01j.19 .01 ,08 .04178 1.65 .01 1.75 .05 ,63 .191.46 1.33 .031.82 .01 i.69 .11i.47 1.831,171.99 .18 1.61- .03r.85 .03 i.02 .02172 .01 1.18 ,14 ,�.78 .011.49 .45 1.744 .021.50 ,18 .00 .011.67 ,.01 ,46 .03c15 .01 m5 ,10i.4u .21 1.95 .01 1.11 .041.06 .04 1.36 .09 .99 .10i.29 .24 u6 .24 1,50 .031,47 .07 1.58 .151.06 .10 1.031.58 .02 u3 .031.35 ,09 1.10 .20 mi.70 ,02 i.28 .04 .69 .191.69 .43 50 .0628 .01 to .0118 .05 .05 .93 .05 .01 .97 .08 ,47 .02 .39 ,02 .49 .16 .43 .14 .38 .02 .51 .16 .54 .05 .06 .01 .43 .04 .60 .01 ,23 .02.01 ,04 .79 .01 .75 .11.14 .02 .18 .09" .86 .07.16 .05 .16 .07 .55 ,18 .57 .01 c Universal press Syndicate .64 .82 1 -21 .48 02
