European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - September 18, 1994, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Page 20 the stars and stripes faces a no places sunday september 18,1994 Elvis is alive and hiding from mob group claims. From the associated press dead men Don t sweat. That s one reason the Presley commission a sleuthing group of Elvis fans claims to have proof the King lives. Threats from organized crime forced Elvis to fake his demise and stage a phony funeral Replete with his perspiring Wax likeness inside a coffin so he could enter the Federal witness Protection program a commission report said Friday. Since then Elvis has moved from place to place living in disguises and using a dozen aliases and presumably validating at least some of the sightings reported in supermarket tabloids the report contended. After working on the conspiracy theory for 2�/2 years the com missions writers researchers unidentified Federal officials and other assorted Gumshoe unveiled their report at campers Paradise resort in Moneta a. Phil Aitcheson a freight trucking broker who put the commission together did it All with a straight face. A this was a very serious Effort. A lot of people spent a great Deal of Money and time and Effort to determine the truth a he said. Joan Clark president of the looking Lor Elvis fan club drove 900 Miles from Mobile aja., to pay $29.95 for a copy of the Inch thick report and repeatedly nodded her head in Accord As Aitcheson summarized the contents. The 25 members used materials from several Best Selling books purporting to show that Elvis faked his death and obtained hundreds of new government and medical documents under the Freedom of information act. The body found in the bathroom of Telvisz Memphis tenn., mansion of Mccland on aug. 16, 1977, actually was the Cousin of the Kings manager. What mourners passing the Kings cat Falque saw was a Wax Dummy cooled by an elaborate by stent of dry ice and Battery powered soundproof fans concealed inside the casket. A that the commission said explains Why a dead Elvis Elvis performs in new York in 1972, when he was probably sweating and definitely alive. The Presley commission says a Wax likeness of Elvis was put inside a coffin so the King could enter the Federal witness Protection program. Sweats. Aitcheson and the investigative coordinator performed their own Experiment by Cooling a Wax Candle in the Freezer then taking it out into room temperature. Condensation formed on the candles surface. Elvis wanted people to think he was dead to protect himself arid his family from death threats stemming from his top secret role As a government agent. In 1970, president Nixon named Elvis an honorary special agent at Large for the Agency that would become the drug enforcement administration. Rumours about Elvis drug use were spread to support a cover up the aftermath of which continues to this Day the commission said. Yeah but Why did no to the King of Rock a no Roll attend the wedding of his Only child Lisa Marie to the King of pop Michael Jackson a a we re not so sure he Wasny to there a a Aitcheson said. He said one witness suggests that a White haired Man wearing a baseball Cap pictured in the background of a nuptial photo was the incognito father of the Bride. T Ann Landers dear Ann Lander you recently printed a letter from a Reader who said handguns Are no deterrent to crime. He said a gun is often useless As a weapon of self defense because a criminal can Surprise you before you can use your gun. A the gunman a he said a is always better prepared than the  on the same Day that column appeared i read a Page 1 Story in the Houston chronicle that proved him right. If any person should be ready for an attack you a think it would be a police officer. But officers were so stunned by a gunman who walked into a police station and opened fire that they were unable to respond. Here a the Story a after entering a police substation and asking to talk to a sergeant Gilbert Smith waited Only briefly before opening fire on the first Man who walked into the lobby. A officers Alma Gill and Loretta Petitt were a few feet away when two .38-caliber slugs hit officer Danny Vaughan in the face. They said they were so shocked they never had a Chance to draw their weapons. A a a he looked me in the Eye and then he went out the door a Petitt told a jury in state District judge Bill Harmony a court. Gill meanwhile had retreated backward through a door thinking Smith was coming after her next. A a a a a a a. A a a if officer Vaughan had fallen from the first shot a Gill said a the second shot would have hit  Smith subsequently told police that he never intended to harm either Gill or Petitt. A left Blind in one Eye and deaf in one ear officer Vaughan arrived in court supported by a Cane with a badge of courage and a medal of valor around his neck. A dozen feet away the Man accused of trying to kill him spent most of the Day concentrating on a yellow Legal pad keeping track of the judges rulings on the Many objections made by his attorney. Most were overruled.�?�. A a a /. A. A a Quot a a a a a a Quot Ann in a sure you la get lots of flak from gun nuts for printing this but its one More bit of proof that having a gun will not make you safer. And heaven knows we certainly done to need assault weapons. Faithful Reader in Texas dear faithful the respectable Law abiding person who has a gun is More than 40 times As Likely to get shot than the assailant or intruder. True sometimes the intruder gets shot but the Odds Are against this happening since he has experience with guns while the victim May not. The proliferation of handguns in this country has created a major health Hazard. Letters to Ann Landers should be addressed to her at . Box 11562, Chicago Iii. 60611-0562. C creators Syndicate from car trunk dear abm v when l saw the letter in your column about someone gelling locked in the trunk of an automobile 1 had to a rite. A _ 1 am turn 15. But when 1 was 5, my Best Friend Marshall and 1 were playing in my momus ca.-. We got in the Back Seal pushed the Little Button pulled the rear seats Forward and crawled into the trunk alter pulling the Back Seal tip. Marshall would display his Manly strength by kicking the seat Back Down lie did it several times showing off bar me. After a while you guessed it Marshall  get the Seal Down and we were locked in the trunk. We both tried kicking the seat Down which did no to work. Then we tried pushing the trunk lid up. Which was also Loicl Leytise. A that time we were panting Lor breath and Clammy with sweat. A Little while later. Mom came Down the stairway to the garage calling torus. When you Don t see two a year Olds Lor a while you get suspicious 1 veiled to mom that we were in the trunk of the car. And . A in the trunk a in amazement she ran and Gay. The Kovs to the trunk and released us from our oven like Dungeon. I later realized that if mom Hadnot rescued us we would have suffocated. If there had been a Latch to the trunk so that it could have been opened from the inside Marshall and i would have found it and escaped much sooner. Jennifer Prowse Guam dear Jennifer thanks for a valuable letter. Perhaps the manufacturers in Detroit or Tokyo will pick up on this problem a. A. A a and help resolve it paging consumer advocate Ralph Nader Here a one for you to tackle. . It was reported in the a los Angeles times that on aug. 13 a 4-year-old boy died and his 3-year-old playmate was in Lair condition after they accidentally locked themselves in the trunk of an automobile while playing near their Homes. Detectives said a the temperature in the trunk had reached about 160 degrees before the Grandfather of one of the boys the hot is Werc missing and pried the trunk dear Abby i realized  a dear Abby 1 recently lost a sea signed newspaper units dealing with the negative effects of clipping of drinking. It was a poem which i think began with a i drank for Joy and became depressed a and the last line was a i drank to feel heavenly and ended up feeling like  please run it again. Someone very dear to me needs to see it. Thank you. No name or town please dear no name it was last published in 1990, and i Hope that it helps the someone who is very dear to you. It has a very pow Irful message i drank for happiness and became unhappy. I drank for Joy and became miserable. I drank for sociability and became argumentative. A i drank for sophistication and became obnoxious. A i drank for Friendship and made enemies. I drank for sleep and woke up tired. I drank for strength and Felt weak. I drank for relaxation and got the shakes. I drank for courage and became afraid. I drank for Confidence and became doubtful. I drank to make conversation easier and slurred. My speech. A i drank to feel heavenly and ended up feeling like hell. A a a author unknown letters for this column should be addressed to dear Abby at . Box 447, mount Morris Iii. 61054. It Jnive Fra press Syndicate 4. 1 2 1 3 7 a 1 4 5 7 8 6 8. 6. 1 1 7 6 2 9 4. 3 6 8 5 5 9. 1 4 8 5 5 �9. A 7 3 2 4 1 4 7 3 3 1 4 it i 3 it r i 5 7 5 3 5 3 it r 3 4 it it i i a it it 3 r it i 5 3 7 i 3 3 5 a 3 3. 2 j 7 7 i 3 3 4 4 i 4 7 i a 3 j a i i j