European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - September 18, 1994, Darmstadt, Hesse Miss manners Judith Martin dear miss manners we arc just Back in the United states after visiting Paris Zurich for the usual sightseeing. And we arc still arguing about my husbands insistence on wearing White shorts that a came about four inches above his Knees. I Felt that was in poor taste that a pair of Slacks would have been More appropriate. Gentle Reader White shorts Are worn for Tennis on clean porches at Beer bashes in resort areas summer school by those who done to have to do their own laundry. In major cities adult males Wear Long pants. Dear miss manners does one give a family a housewarming gift every time that family moves or is a housewarming gift typically just Given in a family a first dwelling gentle Reader How Many times arc these pie going to move they re not on the Lam Are they miss manners asks because affection is a key Al Cmunt in this but so is patience. As with weddings tradition emphasizes memorializing Only the first occasion but fondness usually prompts treating a subsequent attempt As if it were life important one a right up until the time that it comes to seem like a habit. Dear miss manners my husband i y bought a summer House by the Shore after receiving guests since May i was looking Forward to having the place to ourselves in August. But we have friends who regard our hospitality As Riri indication that we want them to join us whenever they Are not otherwise engaged. Y i have grown to dread the question a what arc your plans for Tjie weekend a which is usually followed by a i might come see you on saturday if the weather is Nice a or a a in a dying for another visit when Are you going to invite me again a i have tried a a we la be at the Shore for the weekend but i Haven to made airy preparations for company by a Yaj they come Back with a but in a not company. You done to have to entertain . This is partly True a these people do not behave like company. Having extorted an invitation everything to be As it was on their last visit in spite of my warning that 1 was not prepared for them. They Felt at Home enough to insult me with remarks like a How could you forget the bagels you fiddy London England Yoo Crait expect frills in tub. Economy class. R at pm know that Sall i eat for breakfast a a i froze last night. Done to you people believe in turning on the heat a a. Y food was the main topic of conversation. Lunch came up for discussion at 10 30 a.m., they weren to talking about the sandwiches fruit i was prepared to offer a i did no to let you drag me Down Here to eat sandwiches. I want a my husband says we should go ahead invite them but take them Lite rally at their word not treat them like company go about our business As if they weren to in the House. Aside from being rude this would mean we can to go about our business a having sex any time any place we please a As if we were alone. What i really need is a polite Way to Tell these people that my plans Are my own business if i done to Volunteer an invitation it Means that i done to want company or anything else for the weekend. Gentle Reader your husband wants to teach these people a lesson by allowing them to treat your House As theirs you As the deficient House staff miss manners has always admired saintliness but this is ridiculous. You really must a As you recognize a learn How to say no. The trick is not to make it seem negotiable. Granted that polite people wait to be invited even Semi polite people who put themselves Forward take the first hint of not being Welcome that still leaves a lot of people such As your very own friends who argue their Way in by trying to make the hosts seem. Rude. 1 a. A a but do not allow them to bully you. You owe them no explanation to offer one Only allows them an opening. The polite answer to a what Are you doing this weekend a is a ooh in a so sorry but we re Busy no need to be As graphic As you were to miss manners about what you were Busy doing. The answer to a when Are you going to invite me again a is a cheerful a ooh you la hear from me when we do.�?�. As for complaints by guests who do get in miss manners recommends taking them seriously. A bagels you were cold a ooh in a so sorry we really have had you Here when we were unprepared. We dream of allowing you to be uncomfortable a we Feci awful about it. Here ill Call a bed breakfast for you. No no i insist. Done to just stay to be polite a we want you to be when they Are then shamed into protesting that they were Only kidding you should look All the More stricken confess a Well in a not. I want you to be Happy Here this is not the time you really must come Back another time when we re feature Syndicate feeling incorrect address your etiquette questions in Black or Blue Block Ink on White writing paper to miss manners . Box 91428, Cleveland Ohio 44101-3428. The Quill shortage prevents miss Man nors from answering questions except through this column. Coco Milan Italy \ a a a. R. I /1.-_i. A i \ husbands paper can you flipping out Erma Bombeck my ultimate Nightmare is having Martha Stewart miss manners or. Joyce Brothers to lunch. I am intimidated by All three of them. Having said that i admit to Reading every word they write. The other Day miss manners addressed the Earth shaking problem that has been known to drive marriages asunder a who has custody of the newspaper. I just knew shed have a Rule for it. She said a the person who gets up first makes the supreme Effort of fetching it has custody of that would be the dog a however Quot she continued a the must have the thoughtfulness to distribute the parts of the paper he is not currently that would be target Wal Mart inserts want ads the children a Page with connect a Dot animals to color the first Reader according to miss manners also has the right to Reserve any Section that contains the continuation of any Story. She then flirts with literary suicide by blaming the newspapers for jumping Sto pics from one Section to the next. That is not the problem at our House. What is the problem is that newspapers insist on putting the comics in the same Section As Showbiz news. Since my husband i Are shallow he is the first one to grab the paper in the morning this leaves me with nothing to read. It would take Jessica Fletcher murder she wrote to find out what he did with it. After the Trail is cold he can to remember himself. I personally think that a Man who reads the paper out loud to you or rips out stories before you get to see it does hot deserve to live. Miss manners would say a a there a a delicate balance Here of privilege that carries etiquette or. Joyce Brothers would warn a spent up hostility Over this could Lead to deep seated anger that must be brought into the open if a marriage is to Martha Stewart would smile say a use the paper to make a lampshade have a party.�?�. Universal press Syndicate. No kidding number of people killed 1. By Bonnie Clyde �?14 2. By Doc Holliday a 30 3. At Vesuvius eruption 79 . A 20,000 4. At Battle of Bunker Hill a 390 5. By typhoid Mary a 1,000 6. By rioting at 6th Century Chariot race a 30,000 7. By Arnold Schwarzenegger on screen a More than 275 popular to stars who never won an emmy 1. Jackie Gleason 2. Gracie Allen 3. Larry Hagman 4. James Arness 5. Desi Arnaz 6. Andy Griffith world features Syndicate sunday september 18, 1994
