European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - October 9, 1994, Darmstadt, Hesse                                I Page 8 miss manners Judith Martin dear miss manners when 1 was a child i had the misfortune to be molested by a Man my family trusted. 1 kept silent but i never forgot what happened. Fortunately i done to have to worry that my silence is enabling him to use another child in the despicable manner in which he used me because he died Many years ago. The problem is that we still have social Contact with his widow and their adult offspring. At a gather my a few weeks ago everyone was reminiscing about what a Fine Man the deceased had been. I Felt uncomfortable but i certainly  Tell the awful truth to the innocent relatives so i re Mai cd silent. I am relieved that my silence went unremarked. But what if am not so Lucky another time what would be a Good response if asked Why i am not joining in singing his praises the Only one i can think of is a ooh in a afraid i could t possibly do him  a a. A a a a a. A a a. A a a. A a. A a a a a a Quot a gentle Reader Clever but miss manners does no to know that she would go that far. While admiring your kindness in not unnecessarily disillusioning the survivors she is not sure she would be so generous As to leave open the possibility that you might have been awed by his greatness. You run the risk of their pleading to hear More. A total pass would be a a in a sure you miss  perhaps slightly More satisfying to you would be a ooh in a not going to say anything a i was Only a  a dear miss manners what is the appropriate Way to refer to my husband when i am conversing with people who arc not on a first name basis with him a for example the friends or my College age daughter it sounds Stuffy to speak of him As a emr. Belva Dere a and in my daughters presence it would be Odd to refer to him either As a a Richard it or a my  but if i Call him a a Annex a father a Anne pretends she a not sure whom i am referring to rounding her eyes and asking innocently a who you mean dad Quot a i balk at the final possibility which is to refer to my husband As  gentle Reader you already know the approx imaginary computer errors in history Columbus discovers America Fidd London England private Way to refer to your husband under these circumstances. What you need is an appropriate Way to answer your daughter when she is being tiresome about it. A a one method is simply to reply a yes dear a in a patient but exhausted voice closing your eyes and nodding to indicate your familiarity with her Little routine. It May take several such occasions before your daughter decides that her joke is not Worth her being made to appear to be such a child. It but there is a Way to do it in one stroke. Imitate her round eyed innocence and reply in front her friends a Well dear As far As i know a. Dear miss manners we recently installed Hardwood floors in our Home primarily to replace Vinyl floors that had been ruined by guests wearing High heeled shoes. Now i read that High heeled shoes Are very hard on Hardwood floors. Since we love to entertain How can we politely ask our guests to please not Wear High heels in our a House a a a a a a �-.-  �. A a a. A a gentle Reader floors May be a lot of fun but they Are not As much fun As people. If you have Long enjoyed entertaining miss manners supposes you a agree. A a a. A a a a a a a a a a. A a. A therefore you have previously thought of your floors a if you thought of them at All a As places to accommodate your guests rather than thinking of guests As people who must accommodate the floors. Miss manners secs no reason for you to reverse this by making it Clear to your guests that the floors come first. Quot a. A a. It is easier to acquire a Rug than a new set of friends. Dear miss manners i find it disturbing when people Call the gathering after a funeral a a party a but i done to know the proper term for  Reader the proper term is a Louisa and the children Are going to be in terrible shape this afternoon a lets take them Over something and stay with  a a. A -. Miss. Manners understands that this is a bit cum by Soroc and that a custom Lias evolved of announcing that the family will be receiving friends at Home after the funeral an event for which food and drink is set out in a Way similar to what one would do for a party. A t a a a a a a a nevertheless the term is disastrous. It suggests festivity and Only encourages the deplorable habit people have nowadays of refusing to recognize that a funeral is a sad occasion rather than just an Opportunity for them to socialise with people they Haven to seen for a while. Miss manners therefore suggests expanding the usage of a a Wake from the Vigil kept before a funeral to include that afterwards. A a United feature Syndicate. ,. A feeling incorrect address your etiquette questions in Black or Blue Black Ink on White writing paper to miss manners . Box 91428, Cleveland ohio44101-3428. The Quill shortage prevents miss manners from answering questions except through his column. Schwadron Usaj 1 a a j War a ass la peace Tell 1 _ in a a. Fat 5 a cd a. To i a i you need Flash to get booked on talk shows Erma Bombeck m Friend of mine has just had her Book published and is eager to make the talk show rounds to promote it. Her agent summoned her uncorked his pen and placed a yellow Legal Tablet in front of him. A now lets Sec what we have Here a he said. A do you know of. Simpson at All a a i saw him on a Hertz commercial once running through the Airport a she said puzzled. A a we re going to have to do better than that a he said a did you Ever write him a fan letter know of anyone who delivered piz2a to his House within the last two years do you own a Bronco a a what a this got to do with my Book a she asked. A they baby we re not Selling the Bronte Sisters Here. Are you aware that during the last few weeks Connie Chung talked to Simpsons Mother and his sister Diane Sawyer interviewed the family of his deceased wife Barbara Walters talked to the Ron Goldman family and Katie Couric interviewed  children on dateline and you think people want to hear about a woman in Texas raising three teenagers get with the program a a Are you saying with 600 radio stations out there devoted to talk radio and 50 or so to talk shows you can to get me five minutes to plug my Book a a let me beam you up in the real world Scotty. A few years ago i could get any author on any show in the country. Then the producers had to have a dysfunctional family Story or some tragedy in the authors life. Can you believe i once booked a novelist who claimed to have had a sex change and Given birth to Marilyn Monroe Oprah and Phil were in a bidding War a he smiled reflectively. A i heard that just last week current affair turned Down a woman who shot her husband at the altar during the wedding vows. Its a Jungle out  a i guess i can still visit the mall and do  a a done to count on it a he said doodling on the yellow Tablet. A a it a a Long shot but you could annoy Andy Rooney and maybe head tear up your letter on 60 minutes a. Universal press Syndicate Jno kidding travels of Columbus a after his death 1. First burial a in Valladolid Spain 2. Second burial a in Seville Spain 3. Third burial a in Santo Domingo dominican Republic 4. Fourth burial a in Havana 5. Fifth burial a in Seville Spain some say the wrong Bones were shipped to Seville the grim reaper s Book of Days. By de Morrow Citadel press Don t dial 911 Here just these police Call numbers 1. Stockholm Sweden a dial 90000 2. Paris dial 17 3. London a dial 999 4. Athens Greece a dial 100 5. Copenhagen Denmark a dial 000 a a a world features Syndicate a. Sunday october 9, 1994