European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - November 20, 1994, Darmstadt, Hesse 1m it. Rats too Many rights is wrong Joe Bob Briggs goes to the drive Ina Guy in new Jersey got hauled into court for whacking a rat with a Broom handle. The charge needlessly killing a the Goody two shoes lobby the associated humane societies. Welcome to the Era of rat would think that if any state would be Happy to get rid of rats it would be new Jersey. But it was Killin the rat that bothered the Environ nazis. It was not letting them decide How the rat know you think i m Makin this Story up. Some times i make stories up. I m not Makin this one 69-year-old Man caught a rat eating his Tomato plants caught it in a live trap called the human society to come pick it up. But when they did t come right away the rates caped. He clobbered it with the Broom. He was charged with a crime and was eventually that s not All. Condo associations All Over America Are arguing like crazy Over whether to use glue Board traps to get rid of rats and mice. What happens is the rat gets caught in it an starves to death. So All the rat lovers hate it because it takes too Long for the rat to alternative they say is to use cats. I m sure the rat chamber of Commerce loves this t put us in a cruel prison they re thinking where we slowly waste away. Let us be eaten alive crushed by the ruthless jaws of a monster 10 times our a a a. A i have an idea for How to Deal with this particular 90s Issue. Now my personal rat weapon of Choice Isa baseball Bat because there s nothing like that splat sound when you score a direct hit especially to the rat cranium. Listen to me. They re rats. They deserve Todie. -.-.-. Speaking of meaningless death this week s flick i nothing to lose the old familiar Story of the French Canadian Street fighter who takes revenge on the mob for murdering his aunt and sister while falling in love with the Tough but sexy social worker who won t allow him to see his Young Niece because he keeps getting kidnapped by vicious Coke dealing martial artists and Given the dreaded punch in the Tummy dead bodies. One breast. Three motor vehicle chases. One rape by homosexuals in clowns its. One Bald sword wielding hippie. Nine Kung fun scenes. ".". Drive in Academy award nomination for Juliano Mer As the Only Kung fun Star who still trains by skip Ping a jump rope for saying look it would be As easy for me to live in your world As for you to believe inline one and a half Bob says Check it out. Joe Bob s find that flick this week s puzzler comes from . Guard of Parker Colo i be been trying to locate a movie i saw a few years ago on late night creature features i believe the title is invasion of the Star Crea Tures. I Don t know who was in this movie but it s a fairly sick Tongue in Cheek aliens come to Earth Type Story. Juliano Mer stars in nothing to lose. The plot or Lack thereof goes something like this. Two Amazon esque alien women crash on Are joined by their tree like alien henchmen and take up residence in a would like to find out who s in the movie and if it s available on video for personal video will be awarded to one Correct answer. Address below. Joe Bob s advice to the hopeless Republican Alert the re drive in in Fredericksburg va., has bit the final Bullet and died. All that s left is a butt ugly four plex. Randall Kuncl of Springfield reminds us that without eternal Vig Ilance it can happen Here dear Joe Bob r judging from the looks of things people have stopped worshipping Jesus and now worship Sant Claus. Is this a step Forward or backward Zac Reiheld Berkeley ,". Jesus gives out loaves and Claus gives out nikes and skateboards. You Tell me which Guy wins in j Bob i guess the logic is that we put our resources int curing diseases based on the Public reaction not on the number of la try to explain this to my 31-year-old lady with fatal breast cancer. / Steven Reeder . Dallas dear or. Reeder the Money spent per dying patient combining funds for research and treatment is clearly More for heart and cancer patients than it is for aids patients. V surely you know this. It has been documented in any number of books. The Public reaction has been to spend less Money on aids not More. The Only Large segments of the population that even seem to care much about it at All Are a the Gays and lesbians and b. The entertainment Busi Ness. For everyone else it s a marginal plague. Deer pol Yannish Naif if god is such a Nice Guy then Why do animals have to eat each other Justin Reed Phoenix dear Justin if this is one of those anti Rcd meat tirades i m not Gonna listen. I did t say he was a Nice Guy anyhow. I said he was a bigger animal than i new York times Syndicate to discuss the meaning of life with Joe Bob or to got free junk in the mail of his world famous newsletter write Joe Bob Briggs . Box 20q2, Dallas Texas 75221. Joe Bob s fax number at his trailer House 214 985-7448. Joe Bob on Compuserve 76702,1435. Will Gingrich and gop do right it s hard to say Linda Ellerbee Isay it to myself then say it out loud. It is very very Early wednesday morning the morning after the election the morning after the nation reminded everybody that in 1994, this snot a Liberal place. Speaker Newt. Speaker Newt Gingrich. I say it again trying to get used to the oddness of. It the Way i m trying to get used to the oddness of the notion that Jesse Helms is now chairman of the Senate foreign relations committee. Whew. Was i surprised yep i was. I have this terrible tendency to believe that most rational people think As i do. Oops. Also i can t remember when the re publicans controlled the House am the Senate. Eisenhower was president and i was 10 years bid the last time the republicans controlled the House. But i can remember when Newt Gingrich was considered a Buffoon a big joke and a real embarrassment to most republicans in Washington. I was Only 35 then. This morning i feel much much older. What happened of Golly pundits and other minor felons who do what i do for fun and profit will be pontificating for Days weeks even trying to explain what it All meant. Actually i think it s pretty Plain. Three things happened. The first has to do with Money. Other than do fending the Borders against foreign invaders govern ment is about Only this who shall collect the Money and How shall it be spent what we saw was More or less a Complete and total repudiation of How democrats planned to spend the Money. People mostly Middle class looked at the democrats who were telling them How Good the Economy was now under Bill Clinton and said of really where s mine the democrats had no Good answer. Number two although Many democrats will try to Tell you otherwise this was a referendum on Bill Clinton just ask Ann Richards the soon to be for Mer governor of Texas and obviously it was a bitter denunciation of the Bill Clinton we have seen in of fice so far. It s hard to remember but Clinton did not actually run As a Liberal. He was the candidate of the modern Democrat the one from the Middle to right. However from his first week in office when he decided to lift the ban on Gays in the military Clinton walked talked and looked like a Liberal and As Fortune would apparently have it there Aren t enough liberals left in America these Days to elect anybody dog Catcher. What those people were saying to the president was dance with the one who bring you an old song and Ever a popular one. For Bill Clinton the 96 Campaign has begun and he is already behind. Republicans now must show us what they can do besides complain filibuster and vote speaker Newt. A hell it s still hard for me to say that but hey. I la get used to it i lived through Richard Nixon. I lived through Ronald Reagan. I la make it through this although that is not much Comfort this morning when a cold Gray november rain helps to color my Day after thoughts. Better to remember that today is also the fifth anniversary of the fall of the Berlin Wall which happily remains Down. You see therein Progress. And soil goes. King features Syndicate f 1t i it t j a i ? november 20,1994 sunday. Page 21
